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Monday, July 31, 2006
At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts
 "It's never work to take her picture," said photographer Carlos Batts of wife and Alter Ego star April Flores. "Shooting her relaxes me."It's about 10,000 degrees in Hollywood, and just under that at their place south of Franklin. They're breaking the rules by letting the dog on the bed for a picture. Batts, born in Baltimore, started shooting stills for Hustler when he moved west. He is one of the few people I know who work in the adult industry for whom that work is a part-time job. "Carlos Batts" is also his real name, and his other work has appeared in print, in frames, and online all over the world. And that is where the problem lies. It's one of those good problems that doesn't involve someone losing a kidney or the rent going unpaid. Is what Carlos Batts and April ("Fatty D") Flores do "porn"? A little about April and Alter Ego. Flores is a voluptuous Latina raised in West Covina. She was always comfortable in front of a camera but didn't pose nude until Batts and she hit it off after meeting at a gallery opening in Echo Park in 2000. "Her skin radiates light," Batts said. "I thought 'I'm a photographer, I'd like to take your picture' was a pickup line," Flores said, "but I was open to it. "I thought he gave me the 'I wanna fuck you' look. Turns out he gave me the 'I wanna photograph you' look." ("They're similar," I said.) They discovered that she worked at the coffeeshop around the corner from his apartment. "We met in June and I was pretty much living here by September," she said. They began shooting what would eventually become Alter Ego, a series of vignettes featuring Flores in solo scenes, in wigs and different outfits, with friends, with a pre-op (now post-op) male to female transsexual (there is no dialogue in the movie, but when EK injects Caverjet into his penis he looks off-camera to indicate "it's not as painful as it looks"), and having some snacks. I assumed Flores was someone with no body image problem at all, but it wasn't that simple. "I would lose a lot of weight and not be happy," she said. "The decisions to be happy came slowly."  Batts' first book of photography, "Wild Skin" (Edition Reuss, Munich) contained a note from his publisher. "His pictures are direct, wild, erotic and do not seek to flatter," it read. "His models are full of curves and corners."Batts cuts no corners in presenting playful and loving images of his wife. Of their first shoot, Flores said, "He said 'I want to put you in a bikini.' Now I'm a big juicy woman. I had a half a second of 'What?' and then I jumped into it. I thought of myself as a bowl of fruit or a piece of clay." "She's very considerate," Batts said. "Before we go out, she asks me if I want her to smell like marshmallows or cherries." Can what you do when you're in love be porn? Is it porn when there's commerce involved? Each scene of Alter Ego is lovingly framed, lit, scored, and constructed, but there are women fucking each other with dildos in it. Sure it's porn, but that doesn't mean it's soulless. Michael Ninn could have made Alter Ego, or Andrew Blake, but it would have seemed cold. (What would Batts have done with Catherine?) The question is how to market a series of what appears to be erotic wedding presents Batts and Flores gave to each other. Currently, Alter Ego is for sale on Flores' site. Batts, having worked in the porn business, is adamant that what they're doing not be lumped in with traditional porn fare. "Every artist should handle sex, and violence, and humor," Batts said, describing the artist's journey like a medical resident's rotation. "People are doing radical things, but the way we look at art is reductive. We've got iPods but we're still living in 1946." Flores got to work with Belladonna recently. She's not worried about the categorization so much, though Batts is very concerned about how they are not to be perceived.  "I'm not 'The Black Photographer' and she's not 'The BBW'," Batts said (He had earlier mentioned that BBW-lovers get upset when women are falsely labeled as BBWs. "She needs to put on 50 more pounds," he explained)."We just hope our passion for life inspires people." See also: April Flores, Carlos Batts ¶ Monday, July 31, 2006 3 Comments Links to this post  
Vacation escort
 I will be going on vacation starting Thursday. In my absence I have gathered some truly amazing people to populate this site. My only directive to them: Don't get me arrested and don't libel people. But wouldn't you know that just as I and Team Ponante were planning our excursion to Points East, a box arrived full of the most challenging gadgets and geegaws, including this Kochi anime blowup doll with "usable pussy ass and mouth". I always tell my women, "Women," I say, "you'd better make sure your mouths, asses, and pussies are usable, if you know what I mean." They sure get a kick out of it. Perhaps I am going to team up with Jennifer James and Roy Karch to create "Memoirs of A Modern Day Anime Blow-up Doll". If I try to get her on the plane (I have named her Go Boots Go Rock 'n' Roll), will her "solid head with sucking action mouth" classify her as a full-price passenger? If you want to buy Go Boots Go Rock 'n' Roll, click here. It also turns out I've talked about her before. ¶ Monday, July 31, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, July 30, 2006
ReBelle Rousers on location
 In March I travelled to Funky Junk Farms in Altadena to watch the filming of ReBelle Rousers.The location is a State Historic Landmark. On the grounds are several old-tymey vehicles including recreational trailers used by Carmen Miranda, Lucy and Desi, and Lillian Russell as well as a bus built by Howard Hughes for actors on location. The curators of the location are a bunch of Teamsters who work on movie sets and who have gradually pulled together acres of Americana. Since Los Angeles is home to so many transients, it is easy to say it is not aware of its own history, but that isn't true. The location, which still has several rectangular cement pools (all about coffin size) that were once used for breeding fish, also has a warehouse where the curators restore old motorcycles and a building that can be used as a Route 66-era gas station. But enough about things that aren't naked ladies. This was the set at which congregated Angie Savage, Page Morgan, Kimberly Kane, Lexi Bardot, and Mysti Mae. Check out the gallery here. Previously: ReBelle Rousers and their genomes See also: Vivid Steve, Funky Junk Farms ¶ Sunday, July 30, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Will there be another Temptation Awards?
It looked grim.
 After a Pasadena Rita-Carlton employee unpacked a box containing a Best Anal Scene trophy (designated for Hillary Scott), the hotel officially freaked out and pulled the second plug of the week on the Canada-based awards show.How downtown's Westin Bonaventure was secured and prepped so quickly (it happened in a day) is a miracle of organization. The Bonaventure's San Francisco Room was beautiful, the lights were great, the sound was good, and the meals were, without a doubt, the best awards show fare I have ever had (I've eaten Emmy and Grammy food that I wouldn't feed to my accessory potbellied pig).  But the fact that two hotels dematerialized in a week cast a pall over the ceremony, which already struggled with questions of relevance. Ticketholders began pulling out of the show and not returning phone calls after the Beverly Hilton cancelled, and the ballroom was half full last night. The official media sponsor, for whom a table of ten was reserved, did not show, and the only evidence of them was a stack of magazines.UPDATE - XBiz editor Gretchen Gallen disputes this: "Not true, please correct. A few of us were there - just not sitting at the table."The sudden availability of seats allowed another entrepreneur of dubious adult conventions to benefit. He was overheard saying, "I got eight steaks - it's OK; they're already paid for." Aside from its half-capacity crowd, the ballroom was beautifully decorated. The band AM/FM played guitar-based 70's classic rock. Aside from the shot pipes of the lead singer, they were awesome and, again, the best band I've seen at an adult awards show. I sat with some pals from one of the few studios (Digital Playground, Wicked, Vivid, ClubJenna) who had sent a contingent. When we took our seats, champagne had been served, and the band started playing, we were more than anything really impressed that the event had been snatched from the jaws of defeat. "I could leave right now and think the Temptation Awards was a success," I said to someone as the band started playing some Boston.  Turns out I should have. While I think the idea was to have had jessica drake host, instead actor/comedian Andy Lauer came out. This formula's return diminishes with each awards show. Lauer appeared uncomfortable onstage and he even got Jenna wrong.Lauer may have been a major reason the show went south as soon as it started - this was unfamiliar territory to him and his heckler-handling, especially when America's Sweetheart Holly Randall out-porn-girled every porn girl in attendance by demanding to show her tits ("I'm so bored, Gram," she lamented. "There, there," I said) - but the problems of the format were difficult to surmount. When Lauer began to lose the crowd, the idea of handing out awards to (major sponsor) Best DVD Retailer and (major sponsor) Best Web Host didn't help. The word went around that people not in attendance would not get awards. This was only partially true. Some awards had already been inscribed but others were left generic. For the adult industry, which is by definition narcissistic, to not show up in droves to an awards ceremony honoring it is representative of the problems Temptation organizers faced this week. But until people began walking in and out of the ballroom to a set of bars conveniently located just outside, things were great and people were having fun. In fact, the constant ebb and flow of people and the limited attention span looked just like the AVN awards on a smaller scale. And the food was better. And the band was better. "I'm sure the AVN awards didn't go off without a hitch their first year, either," a photographer said. The awards themselves were solid and heavy glass prisms. They looked pretty cool. I got to hold Scott Nails' (trophy, I mean).  The ClubJenna girls were there, including the non-wax version of Jenna, as were Kirsten Price (Lauer got that wrong, too, but so does everybody), Vivid performers Lacie Heart and Monique Alexander, Barrett Blade, Tommy Gunn and Rita Faltoyano, the delightful Sunny Lane (the band played a little "Cat Scratch Fever"), Hannah Harper, Angie and Devan Savage (pictured above), Puma Swede, Sandee Westgate, Cytherea, Regan Anthony, Tyler Faith, Tristan Ryan, and Hillary Scott.I experienced an unpleasant sub-Hollywood exchange between Jennifer James and Roy Karch. James and Karch had helmed, for different companies, "Memoirs of a Geisha"-inspired movies, both starring Mika Tan. Neither was aware of what the other was doing. Karch shot his the third week of December last year and James shot hers the last week of January, '06.  "I knew you were an operator but I didn't know you could go so low," James said, all smiles, to Karch."What?" Karch said, probably waiting for the right hook to come. James explained that it was "odd" how Karch could release his movie with a boxcover so similar to James', both starring Mika Tan and both containing the words "Memoirs of". (See a related story here.) I am in a unique position to rectify this problem, I thought, but then I remembered the Prime Directive. "Yeah," James was saying, still smiling, "just when you think you know someone..." Why defend Roy Karch? I thought. Would he take a bullet for me? Would anyone, other than Angie Savage, take a bullet for Gram? It was getting ugly in a very passive aggressive way. I thought I was home for Thanksgiving. "I can explain," I said. "Legendary Sex Z Pictures owner Bo Kenney had the idea first and conveyed it to Hall of Fame director Roy Karch, who shot a month before you did. Hustler released your movie in May whereas Roy's was released in July. The responsibility rests with your respective employers. I doubt Bo Kenney and Larry Flynt have the chance to eat lunch too much, as one works in Manassas, Virginia and the other atop 8484 Wilshire Blvd., and it's not as if Hustler's media relations department was operating at full power when your movie was released." In another part of the lobby I met up with Cytherea and Regan Anthony. I didn't recognize Cytherea because her hair was red.  "Oh it's you," she said. Rita Faltoyano had said the same thing to me at Erotica L.A. and I wondered what I had done."What did I do?" I asked. "Hey, I love you, but - " "I love you too," I said. "Baby." " - but you're very honest," she said. Now I was really confused. I attributed it to my haircut. Maybe she thought I was Mike Ramone or Peter Warren? "Do you know who I am?" "Yes," she said. (Here is every time I have mentioned Cytherea recently. Can you find any instance of my saying something mean? I couldn't.) She and Regan are very, very small. I asked how tall they could get in high heels. "I can make it to 5'6"," Cytherea said, "but my pinkie toe circulation gets cut off." "I can go to about 5'4"," Anthony said. "I saw Puma Swede at the AVN show and she was wearing high heels that made her taller than me," I said. "It made my testicles recede." (it didn't, really. In fact, it made them tumesce, like frank tomatoes, but I offered that white lie as an icebreaker.)  In her search for a distribution company, Girl-on-Girl Next Door Sandee Westgate almost said Yes to doing guys on film."I thought about it," she said, "but I ultimately decided against it." This fascinated me because Sandee Westgate's girls-only stance is one of the only things I can depend on. If she does guys, where will my belief system go? Back in the ballroom, Holly Randall was making a spectacle of herself, and my leg. It was shameless, but I knew why she was doing it. "Here, bitch," I said. "God is in the details." The Temptation Awards did some things much better than other award shows I have attended. It was the things it did the same, but not as well, that sunk it. In the end, there was nothing about the Temptation Awards - save for the food and music - that distinguished it from anything else. There was no Golden Globes vs. Academy Awards vs. Independent Spirit Awards thing happening to which anyone could point and say, "This is a unique perspective." To an only vaguely jaundiced observer, there didn't seem to be a need for these awards; what it looked like was a really, really expensive business card with some typos. At the All Media Play bash afterward, I asked Hillary Scott - who has talents beyond what you've seen in any movie, let me add - what she'd won while I was out getting margaritas. "I don't even know," she said. The band didn't even play any Rush songs. For a gallery, click here. Previously: Beverly Hilton resists Temptation; Report: Adult industry to even ratio of award shows:movies; The old bouncing cross ¶ Sunday, July 30, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Stack o' porn
 Even white boys got to shout when you roll that Virtual Sex with Mercedez, but the film inspires more questions than it answers. For example, when the star has breakfast does she eat Virtual Chex with Mercedez? If she offended an old gypsy woman online, would there be a Virtual Hex on Mercedez? If I were to rope her like a dogie, would I call myself Virtual Tex on Mercedez?** Tina Tyler's voice in Fresh Out the Box 4 is a refreshing departure from other off-camera voices in gonzo movies, but I can't help thinking that all the time she is interviewing newbie starlets she is wondering what was the pre-war occupation of Schultz in Hogan's Heroes.* ** "...the rest of this movie is like the best reality show ever. It is like a bukkake at a car crash. Fights, drugs, drunkenness, fear of police, misplaced pathos, and the horrifying California town of Acton all vie for primacy at the top of the monkey pile."... so says this review of Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes. There are at least seven more paragraphs just like that one. Accept them before they destroy you. For those reviews and more, click here. *Bavarian toymaker ¶ Sunday, July 30, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, July 28, 2006
Temptation Awards: Porny things keep happening
 One day before its debut ceremony, the Temptation Awards has had its venue yanked for the second time in less than a week. The Beverly Hilton pulled out of its contract on Monday and now the replacement ballroom, the Ritz-Carlton Huntington in Pasadena, has similarly turned tail. When I called the Pasadena hotel this week to confirm the event would be there (the new location wasn't on the Temptation Awards website), both the reservations manager and the catering manager, Jill Hilts, confirmed that a ballroom had been booked but said they didn't know what type of party had booked it. "There is no listing of 'Temptation Awards' or 'Awards'," Hilts said at the time. It would lead one to assume that the event had not been booked with a disclosure of what type of event - no matter how classy for adult entertainment, what with its black tie requirement and all - this would be. The Awards have released a press statement quoting a letter written by Hilts reading, "This is an awards ceremony that celebrates the ‘porno’ industry, and the Ritz-Carlton does not." Ms. Hilts was unavailable when I called the Ritz-Carlton but her assistant was only able to confirm that the event had been cancelled. She said she knew nothing about the awards, nor did anyone in the office know anything. "Jill Hilts did not make a statement about the porno community?" "I don't know anything." With the understanding that the third time's a charm, The Temptation Awards ceremony is now booked at downtown's Westin Bonaventure Hotel. I asked Temptation spokesperson Dusty Marie if the previous two hotels had been aware of the nature of the event. "George Whitty had given both places his business card, which indicates where he's from. The word 'adult' is on his business card," she said. "It seems odd that two big hotels would risk a breach of contract suit unless they can prove they didn't know anything about it," I said. "It's definitely a gray area because his card is pretty clear." Marie said that, "upon doing some research", the Ritz-Carlton came back to Whitty with concerns about the nature of the show, especially after seeing the award for Best Anal Scene (the Ritz-Carlton ballroom was already being prepared for the awards when the plug was pulled). Whitty assured them that there would be no nudity or lewd acts, but Hilts issued the above statement regardless. I asked Ritz-Carlton General Manager Martin Nicholson if he felt the event had been misrepresented, but he has not commented as of this writing. Marie said that Whitty had included a clause in the Bonaventure contract indicating that the hotel was "all right with the idea that this was an adult awards show and that porn stars would be present". We could always host the awards at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Helipad, and Fortress of Turgitude. There is no judgment here (unless it's about Arizona). Whitty will talk about his experiences with the L.A. hotel industry tonight on KSEX on the Wanker and Pride of Saugus Show. It is no secret that many porn performers are also escorts. I plan to ask as many as I can if they've ever trysted with a customer at the Beverly Hills Hotel or Ritz-Carlton-Huntington. Previously: Beverly Hilton resists Temptation See also: Temptation Awards ¶ Friday, July 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Rossi: Arizona promotes femininity
 Penthouse Pet and ClubJenna performer Sophia Rossi will visit KSEX Radio this evening to chat up Wankus and Tyler Faith on the Wanker and Pride of Saugus Show.She will also talk about the feminizing powers of the Grand Canyon State. Rossi has modeled all over the world but, she says, it was only in Scottsdale "where I truly discovered myself and learned what being a woman was all about." What kind of woman? A mall-walking woman? A woman forced to drive haltingly behind a row of cars piloted by other mall-walking women? The type of woman to apply for saguaro delivery? This fascinates me. I have been to Arizona. It is the next state over. But wouldn't you be suspicious of a place whose greatest claims to fame are Mel Sharples, inmates in pink jumpsuits, and a vast emptiness with two rims? Sophia Rossi is hot like fire - I just hope she realizes things are better in New Mexico. Previously: Tough time for Arizona prostitutes; "Her passion and energy were unreal"; Erotica L.A. in review See also: KSEXRadio, ClubJenna, Bruce "Club" Jenner in Can't Stop the Music ¶ Friday, July 28, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Limit-setting
 Pleasure Productions' Babes with No Limits 3 either addresses dual-diagnosis Axis II personality disorders as described in the DSM-IV(R) (taking into account the narcissistic, histrionic, schizoid - or schizotypal -, avoidant/dependent, antisocial, obsessive-compulsive, or just plain borderline tendencies of people who also abuse substances) or has something to do with sex.Previously: Gina Lynn, Superstar; Carnage in the pool, or: How I like my blowjobs See also: Pleasure Productions ¶ Friday, July 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tori Spelling mourns loss with porn
 In the wake of dad Aaron Spelling's death, newly-married daughter Tori deals with her grief using porn.Giant magazine, a publication dedicated to the bereaved, quoted Spelling's preference for the rent-by-mail porn outlet SugarDVD. SugarDVD is known as the Netflix of Porn, a claim also held by WantedList. The true test of either company's legitimacy is if Netflix considers itself the SugarDVD of non-porn content or the WantedList of non-porn content. Further complicating things is whether or not America cares about what e-tailers Ms. Spelling subscribes to. In the end, it only really matters where Fred "Gopher" Grandy get his porn. (For the record, I like Jagermeister. A lot.) Previously: Catalina redux; I will call him "George" See also: SugarDVD, Giant Magazine ¶ Thursday, July 27, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Jenna's waxy buildup
 Jenna Jameson's likeness is here being seen cast in wax by a London, er, wax artist. Madame Tussaud's Las Vegas branch will unveil a wax sculpture of Jameson (with her help) next Wednesday. It is one of life's many oddities that a woman who has provoked such high viscosity in so many men will be nearly insoluble in water. The modern consumer knows that he has a choice in wax: there is the classy beeswax, carnauba, a vegetable wax, and paraffin, which is a mineral wax used by the poor. Jameson is being cast with beeswax. And, while I know that Las Vegas is the most air-conditioned city in the world, I can't help but think that anything made of wax there would have a hard time surviving. Just last week I and a hooker were weeping uncontrollably atop the bridge next to Caesar's Phallus ("Save your money for a law degree," she said) and all my tears melted into their component salts before they hit the Strip below. Previously: Jenna not #1 with Nazis; Porn I'd like to see See also: ClubJenna, Madame Tussaud's Las Vegas ¶ Thursday, July 27, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Everything old is new again
 The Cream Pie.Aside from its goblet-drinking, mirror-slurping variations, there is nothing new about this wholesome, church-blesssed act between two people who love each other very much. A cream pie is just the result of what millions of Americans did before I invented porn in 1991 - a Real Internal Popshot. "You RIPped when you should've FIPped," a director once said to me. "Did I? Or was it because I loved too much?" I asked. Previously: Oh to live on Cameltoe Mountain; Cuties, cream discussed See also: Leisure Time ¶ Thursday, July 27, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Sophia Lynn makes three
 Adam & Eve has signed newcomer Sophia Lynn as its third contract performer along with Carmen Luvana and Ava Rose.The contract girl philosophy for Adam & Eve in the example of Luvana is to find people who are responsible and at least 21. Florida's Sophia Lynn has an EMT certification and, according to her bio, an arts degree. She is also studying for a contracting license. The obvious question for the uninitiated is, "Why is she doing porn?" For the initiated it is, "Why didn't she do porn sooner?" and (sidebar), "Why isn't EVERYONE doing porn?" Adam & Eve has learned from the short tenure of Austyn Moore and the about-a-minute contract of Maripossa that it wanted people who were more comfortable making their own decisions, I think. Lynn's first movie for Adam & Eve has not yet been scheduled. (photo swiped from L.A. Direct Models) Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; DCypher becomes ronin; Blackmail See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Thursday, July 27, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Can porn be funny
 Because it is summer (in fact, it is almost summer twice), this entry will be written in the form of a school report delivered by my fifth grade self, Gramito.Can porn be funnyPreviously: Barbed Wire Kiss review ¶ Thursday, July 27, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Why Johnny Can't Read
One of the cruelties of this business (other than staph infections) is the need to cover up that which promises to move the most "units".
(I said "units".)  Here is Gamelink's version of Shane "Blackzilla" Diesel's I Can't Believe I Took the Whole Thing 5.NASA reports Diesel's parts went supernova three million years ago, thus the hue of the star. I talked with Gamelink Content Editrix Alison Bodenhemier. Because of concerns about the common weal, Diesel's moneymaker could not be shown in full or in part. GP: It doesn't even look like a boxcover. It looks like a rectangle with a star on it. AB: There are a lot of similar boxcovers, mostly for that series. GP: It is like Blackzilla came over to help a kindergarten class on Shapes Day. AB: It takes a pentagon to cover a wang that enormous. GP: You sound like Hillary Rodham Clinton, except for Village you have Pentagon and for Child you have Wang. AB: ...and it takes an enormous cock to teach Geometry. Here is a link to the unedited version. Previously: Watch Me Cum digitally; Go go Blackzilla; Are you there, God? It's me, Blackzilla See also: Gamelink ¶ Wednesday, July 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Don' Tanaka it 'til you try it
 Not to be confused with Prince's "A Love Bizarre", the serene David Aaron Clark's Asia Noir V: A Lust Supreme features ... oh Jesus Christ. I don't know anything about this movie. I really just ran out of steam there. Maybe those Internet wags are right. Maybe I am trying too hard. Maybe I need a vacation. Could that be it? According to this Psychology Today article, though, vacations only do the trick for a little while. What, then, is at the root of this problem? Is it because Jesus isn't in my life? No - Jesus and His crew mow and weed my lawn every Thursday. Is it because I'm not young and rich enough? Possibly. I could always get richer and younger. Is it because I haven't been a stunt cock for a Virtual Sex yet? They keep calling - should I answer? Maybe it's because I haven't made the best use of my Jenna Jameson novelty golf clubs. Is that where the void is? Maybe I just need to start shooting gonzos and complete my transformation. Previously: Tia Tanaka and the balance of power; You say Tanaka, I say Tanaka; I'll give you television, I'll give you eyes of blue See also: David Aaron Clark ¶ Tuesday, July 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Beverly Hilton resists Temptation
 The Beverly Hilton has, according to sources, reneged on a deal to host this Saturday's Temptation Awards, a Canadian celebration of porn (or pourn). Unofficial word is the ceremony and dinner will now be held at the Ritz-Carlton Huntington in Pasadena, which looks a little like the Overlook and is therefore impressive. "Apparently the Beverly Hilton did not like all of the attention they were getting and pulled out at the last minute," reported a sponsor, who added that lawyers were now involved. Inquiries to the Beverly Hilton and Temptation reps were not immediately returned. The Temptation Awards site, as of this writing, still lists the Beverly Hilton as Saturday's venue. Since we've changed the venue from uptight Beverly Hills to Pasadena, can we perhaps get rid of the black tie restriction? It's 400 fucking degrees out. Previously: Adult industry to even ratio of award shows:movies See also: Temptation Awards ¶ Tuesday, July 25, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Report: Despite hoopla, Gram not looking at the feet
 Latex-wrapped pornstress Brittany Andrews and her trusty sidekick (note foot pun), Neil, have re-launched ExquisiteFeet.com."Other foot fetish sites are so goddamn pedestrian," they did not say. "You couldn't expect recurring memberships to foot the bill. We feel that our site is more instep with what this fetish market craves, and our redesign will bring those people to heel." Previously: The Porn movie formerly known as Alpha 15; Hillary Scott: Cock Star! See also: Exquisite Feet, Brittany Andrews ¶ Tuesday, July 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, July 24, 2006
Your panic room
 It is understood that one's 2257 documentation should be in easy proximity to one's main place of business but separate from all the other offices. The reason for the latter is that unrelated articles, records, and equipment can't be confiscated along with records pertinent to the search of a local, state, or federal entity.In light of today's "friendly" FBI raid on Diabolic Video and, perhaps, other companies, I contacted heads of several adult studios and asked them where they keep their records. All chose to speak anonymously. "In keeping with our sex-positive and couples-friendly philosophy," one owner said, "our 2257 room is accessed in a very vaginal fashion. The doors open out rather than in, and will only part once the overhead lock is stimulated for 20 minutes following the retraction of its protective hood." "We did away with keys after the last raid," said another. "Instead, an agent would have to be able to piss directly into the keyhole in order for the door to open." "Documentation is a cage," reported a Buddhist purveyor of primarily Asian titles. Having spent a lot of money keeping records air-tight, backed up, and acid-free, many companies have chosen to go the extra mile and make their 2257 rooms feng shui compliant as well. "I have a lotus pond in my 2257 room," I was told by one particularly wealthy owner. "I've converted everyone's ID picture to interactive holograms, too, so the FBI can question the image directly, like in Star Wars." "We change the theme of our room each year," a publicist said. "Right now it's called Circle of Life. We have the producers and secondary producers, we include the consumers in the form of sperm samples and raincoats, and we even have the decomposers, which is mostly content from Germany and Brazil." Naturally we all want this ordeal to pass, but until it does, follow the advice of one multi-award-winning producer and "donate a lot of money to the Republican party." Previously: The (Secondary) Producers; Autumn Bliss' point of goo; Some dummy ¶ Monday, July 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Fans of large-busted women to gather
 Exotic Dancer magazine's Fan Fair will be held at Sapphire in Las Vegas on August 25.Sapphire is a huge club, but is it big enough to feed and water strip club enthusiasts from around the world? I guess it will be like a standing lap dance just making one's way through. As a tallish person, I am wary of crowded places, because I worry that I will step on someone. That is why I am scared of Devyn Devine, who will be there representing Gent magazine. Devyn is about 4'11". In fact, she chose her porn name so it would rhyme with her height, she did not say. The only thing that is good about being a very tall person in a crowded place with very short strippers is something the Spanish call fellatio clandestino. To see who else will be at the Fan Fair, click here. In other news, Gent magazine is in no way related to actual gents. Previously: Cheyenne Hunter: The Loneliness of the long-distance biker MILF; Exotica, purple, and mesh; Kirsten Price in a room filled with beige mats See also: Exotic Dancer's Fan Fair ¶ Monday, July 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Google, comments, and tags
 We interrupt this stream of pornography to bring you three things of increasingly-descending interest to readers of this site. First, you will notice on the left that there is an Add to Google button. We have decided to hitch our wagon to Google for readers who want to add this site to their Google homepage (an excellent and elegant way to prepare a daily interactive digest of information) or Google RSS reader. Next, the comments have been re-enabled. Sometimes these are useful and sometimes they are a goddamn pain in the ass. Word verification will stay on, however, to avoid most spam. Finally, Team Ponante is debating whether to start tagging posts. The Technorati search function to the left is a very good way to find information on this site, but we'd like to hear from readers who have some opinion about tags and their usefulness. Thank you. Now kick the ballistics, crackaz. Thanks also to Carmen Luvana, whom we've made to appear as if she supports everything we do. ¶ Monday, July 24, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
It's so goddamn hot, and yet:
 Never say that Penny Flame isn't a trouper.After a weekend in which Porn Valley temperatures reached 119 degrees, the "Why Are You Taking My Picture/Do You Make Money off This?" star is going to journey through cows, garlic, and dust to the Sacramento suburb of Rancho Cordova, where she will dance at Gold Coast Centerfolds for five nights starting July 25. "If you know me then you know the chance of falling on my head is possible but you may see actually pull off sexy so stop by," Flame said cryptically. "Rancho Cordova is like Los Angeles, except much farther inland, hotter, and hung with the smell of cows rather than melon body spray," reads the town seal in Latin. The five-day weather forecast for Rancho Cordova boasts a 30 percent chance of combustion. Penny Flame's doppelganger/nemesis, Copper Ice, will be dancing at the Weddell Sea's Mountains of Madness Gentleman's Club during the same time period. Previously: Penny Flame's first camera porn ¶ Monday, July 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Visitor in the Dirt Pipe
 Like you, I can't stop thinking about the title Dirt Pipe Milkshakes 2. It is never more than two or three thoughts away when I and the other members of the cabal which runs Big Porn sit around the bunker and ask Can this business get much classier?A dialogue which started the day I dropped by the Celebrity Center was invigorated by Wicked's The Visitors. Do aliens exist? I was asked. Is disease real? When Xenu comes, will he probe us? The tragedy of The Visitors is that it is the only movie I have ever seen Kimberly Kane in which she acts human and displays tenderness and vulnerability. Instead of being rewarded for this, she gets probed. Read the reviews here. Previously: Porn stars divert attention to breasts; The jellied hand of destiny See also: Wicked, Platinum X ¶ Monday, July 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, July 21, 2006
All the young blacks
 If "To Kill a Mockingbird" had been released today, would Boo Radley come out any faster?Previously: The Hair down there; Girl, he be eating your pants See also: Leisure Time, Mott the Hoople ¶ Friday, July 21, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Bank Holliday?
 One of Jim Holliday's "Angels" Not Impressed with TributesKylie Ireland was featured in several of the late director Jim Holliday's movies. Holliday, who was a porn fan-turned-director, had distinct but simple tastes in porn: he liked nurses, sorority girls, stewardesses and, generally, women in uniform. He died in December, 2004. The actresses he used regularly he called Angels. They included people like Ireland (center in this 1996 picture), Shayla LaVeaux, Felecia, Jill Kelly, and Tiffany Mynx. VCA is re-releasing several of Holliday's movies along with what it calls "tributes". Recently Roy Karch shot Nightshift Nurses...Escort Service and Jane Water directed a tribute to Holliday's Car Wash Angels. Others are planned, in what Bill Margold called a "shrewd marketing movie" for Holliday's fans. I have been to the above-mentioned sets and both directors have made attempts to remember Holliday within the confines of budget. Karch had H0lliday's Nightshift Nurses 2 playing in the background; Waters displayed a wreath from Holliday's memorial service. Ireland says those gestures are not enough and that VCLFPstler is sullying Holliday's name. "It seems a bit absurd that they are remaking the Jim Holliday movies (as well as the other classics). Why? Why ruin a perfectly good porn movie? Not to mention they call the Holliday remakes "tributes" when really they aren't at all. Apparently on the first one they had a bowl of gumdrops on the set. Why? That was never a thing Jimmy did; he used to call Shayla 'Gumdrop', that was her nickname. WereHere is what Ireland read at Holliday's service last year. Previously: Eye Candy redux; Holliday at the Car Wash; Corruption in the boiler room ¶ Friday, July 21, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
ReBelle Rousers and their genomes
Because it was right across the street (I live at the Del Taco), I attended the viral marketing party for Vivid-Alt's ReBelle Rousers party last night at SilverLake's Bigfoot Lodge.
 It was, at first, difficult getting in, as the door was guarded by this Suicide Girl. She bade me answer questions three.1. What is Alt Porn? 2. Spinners or MILFs? 3. What is the future of adult business publicity? Thinking quickly, I chopped off her head and entered the ropey area. There I met doomed Hustler correspondent Paul A. Johnson, who shrieked and shrieked. I'd had a haircut, you see. I met the tattooed Michelle Aston, newish to porn but not to self-promotion.  "I am a neuroscientist by training. I worked in stem cell research until funding started drying up. I had an artistic fit and went to Venice Beach to create art. My successful studio burned down. I became an escort and dominatrix. I hated escorting. I go all around the world. There is nothing I like more than teasing, inflicting pain, and then squirting all over the bar. I started in porn at 34."She talks like Lurk Ford writes. I asked her more about genomes. "It's like we have the language but we can't write the book. We have to break it up into articles or chapters. We can use proteonomics to suffuse an area with protein to discover - " <--here I had an aneurysm--> " - all around the world. I met John Stagliano and nearly dropped dead. He was dancing with a skirt on. I said 'I love how comfortable you are with your sexuality' and he didn't realize I'd actually shot for him in Europe. I sold all my bondage equipment when I moved to Chatsworth. The scene out here is pretty tame. They don't know what they're doing. In New York they put knives up your ass. There's blood play. There's no e-mail lists, it's a phone list. And it's very, very secret." "Do dominatrices ever listen??" I went to get a drink. Inside the Bigfoot Lodge my glasses fogged up. It was not because of the proximity of so many pinups and dangerous girls, but because it was hot like a crowded coyote's van and I was a bag of heroin stuck up someone's sweaty ass. "Hi," I said to DCypher. "I don't read the Internet anymore," he said. "That's probably good," I said. We talked about not getting paid for things. Had it been a douche commercial, we would have wept openly, so in sync were our frustrations. Later the silver-tongued devil charmed a Janis Joplin lookalike. "We could go nowhere together," he said, and she became all pensive and quivery. The Internet's Own Dana DeArmond was there. When will she realize that MySpace friends aren't real friends? Actually that's probably much more true for me; I couldn't call up my MySpace friends and stay on their couch. She could stay in their pants.  Her right hand had been mangled in a thresher.Outside, the tricorder-tattooed Pixie Pearl of Joanna's Angels 2 fame lounged angularly on a motorcycle. She is striking. But she is from New York. New York - well New York has it's way with people.  Kimberly Kane posed on a car. Satine Phoenix posed on a car. Oh to be a car. *** Rebelle Rousers director Octavio "Winkytiki" Arizala looked like he had been chasing the dragon. "I'm so tired," he said. "So tired. When did you get here?""An hour ago." "I'm so tired. Are you having a good time (so tired)?" "That woman Satine just climbed up me like she was Kong." "So tired." ReBelle Rousers will be released next week. Previously: Lexi Bardot twice; The fever for the flavor of a skater; Crissy Moran and Angie Savage in different underpants; ReBelle Rousers preview See also: Vivid-Alt Labels: satine phoenix ¶ Friday, July 21, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Satine Phoenix - just because
 I've always been honest with you. I could really have done without the dude on the car. Granted, it added to the picture. It looks more realistic than if this Italian/Filipina fetish model/heart attack waiting to happen were squatted there with a handful of styrofoam peanuts. But still. Earlier in the evening, Phoenix climbed your friend Gram like a much tastier Moses in search of the commandments only I could provide. "Thou shalt not stop," I said. Previously: Kimberly Kane See also: Satine Phoenix Labels: satine phoenix ¶ Friday, July 21, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Come back to us, Mosura!
 When not living in fear of their ancestors' vengeful, crab-walking ghosts, girding their underpants against unwanted tentacles, or giggling at poo, the Japanese delight in singing to monsters.Xotica's newest release, Japan's Youngest 2, has nothing at all to do with the above, except that covergirl Yumiko looks like one of the Shobijin (I'm assuming Mothra devoured the other when she heard she was doing porn). Previously: Japanese boob size and the economy; Because having actual Asians would ruin it; You say Tanaka, I say Tanaka See also: Mothra ¶ Thursday, July 20, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Perceived money
 From the Wall Street Journal:... Indeed, relatively few statistics are available for the porn industry because most sites are privately held. Jupiter Research, a New York-based technology-research firm, estimates that adult content on the Web may generate only about $250 million a year in U.S. revenue. At the other extreme, Adult Video News, an industry publication, estimates the figure at $2.5 billion.This was from a longer article on affiliate programs, and worth reading. Previously: Adult industry writers wait for a check; Night of Stars recognizes freedom, snacks; Healthy Request: Regan Anthony to acknowledge, fuck other sex See also: The Lifeblood of Online Porn ¶ Thursday, July 20, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
It's all over when I go out drinking
 Hailey Young was wearing an outfit that made me think of the Elves, and/or Shelly Duvall's character in Nashville.The occasion was the third anniversary of Porn Star Karaoke, and the room was a sweaty, writhing mass. At least that's the way it appeared when I was in the room. When I walked outside, it may have returned to normal. Scientists have determined that I can change the very chemical makeup of a location with my proximity. So I got that going for me. "Why is Gram so popular?" asked T-Diddy Hunter of AVN award-winning editrix Sonny Malone, as people clung to me like test orangutans would a wire monkey. It is because I have made sacrifices that you have not made, Tod, due to your pride. I have ... done things. With beings from another dimension. It makes me ashamed. Former wrestling bad girl Shannon Kelly bought me a double Jagermeister. I don't know why. I was just sitting there. Could it be that our birthdays are five days apart? How could she have known? She is a mini-dynamo. If we were a wrestling tag team, what would we call ourselves? What would our costumes be like? Would they B-Real?  That's right, a man purporting to be a new member of Cypress Hill was there, singing along to a karaoke track of "Insane in the Brain". I was star struck at the same level I would be if Jack Lord or Samantha Fox had walked in the room. "I think he's actually a roadie," the woman whose upstretched hand is in the foreground said. "But there is speculation as to whether even that is true." Oh porn. I talked with Sardo's Bar owner Seymour. He is diminutive but intense. I have seen him whip a biker gang with a cup of coffee in his other hand. "Are you making money in there tonight?" I asked. It was so crowded I had to go outside to change my mind. "The waitresses can't even get to the tables," he said. He pointed to a tour bus in the parking lot. "They read about it on the web," he said. It was like in Coccoon when all the old people found the secret pool and the eggs lost their power. Or was that Dirt Pipe Milkshake #27? Shannon Kelly had earlier asked a friend to order drinks from the "blonde with the nice ass". That same blonde made it to our table in a series of heroic moves with a full drink tray. Myself, I managed to spill my own drink all over Nectar's Craig Valentine and a woman named Gina, who didn't seem to mind. Hussy.  Still Hailey Young. See? I only took three pictures because it was difficult to raise my arms. And I have given them all to the InterWeb Community. I stayed for as long as I could, but it was so crowded that all the pencils in my pocket threatened to be squeezed into diamonds. I went to a nonexistent party on the roof of the Universal Sheraton and then drove home. Previously: Beyond the Valley of Porn Star Karaoke See also: Sardo's Bar ¶ Wednesday, July 19, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
A Conversation with Nelson X
 Nelson X, scribe of The Da Vinci Load, is one of my favorite porn script writers. Having been unceremoniously tossed from his PR job, he wandered in the desert for a while before being scooped up by AVN, where there was an opening. In this excerpt, "install a printer" is code for "reconcile my impending despair with the small consolation of getting a paycheck every two weeks", "Ivy" is a stripper I let him have because I am of strong moral fiber, and "you fag" still means "you fag". Previously: The Da Vinci Load ¶ Wednesday, July 19, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Eve of Corruption
 Eli Cross, drector of Sex Z Pictures' upcoming Corruption, has not made a feel-good romp."How much money can I give you to make a feel-good romp?" I asked. "I will not make a feel-good romp," he said. Instead, Corruption appears to be a very serious and ambitious porn movie in the Wicked vein, yet smelling distinctly of cable and overseas distribution and possible edits to a Hard R. "The fisting scene might not make it onto cable, though," he said. The trailer (a Windows Media file best viewed on Internet Explorer or Safari) paints the picture of a ruthless, doomed Senator, his ruthless, doomed wife, their ruthless, doomed boat, and Britney Rears in a dog collar. Previously: Corruption in the boiler room See also: Corruption trailer at KylieIreland.com ¶ Tuesday, July 18, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Britney Rears not pregnant
 Though we have been trying for some time, Britney Rears and I are not pregnant.Word came in the form of this cover art for Britney Rears 3: I'm Not Carrying Gram's Child. I'd seen the preliminary sketches and noticed her areolas were bigger. "Could it really be happening for us?" I wondered. But it wasn't to be. Oh, I went through all the emotions, and I'll even admit there was some relief that someone who seems markedly different from one movie to the next was not carrying my offspring, but I was prepared to deal with anything, even the awkwardness of having both Jeff Mullen and Will Rider as Godfathers. The movie will be released August 22. Previously: Britney Rears: Time Lord; It was you all along, Britney; Hillary Scott's many faces See also: All Media Play ¶ Tuesday, July 18, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Pornography review stockpile
 Over in the Reviews section there is something for everyone.Included this week are thoughtful musings on Silver Lake Scenesters which will encourage one to buy property there; Anarchy's Ravenous which features Nicki Hunter fighting her way out of a plastic bag like a caterpillar one might like to have sex with; Ghouls Gone Wild, in which blowjobs are delivered from a standing position, the way they did it in Vlad the Impaler's time; and Pink Visual's Huge Boobs Galore, an ambitious film that asks the question "Can I shoot a load on your breasts?" (Spoiler alert: The answer is "Yup, you bet.") ¶ Tuesday, July 18, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Dildopolis revisited: rugging
 The Adult Novelty Expo was spread out over two hotels and a tent this year at Universal City. For a trade show featuring dildos and erotic jellies, it seemed subdued and contemplative.I've been to business-2-business shindigs before so I was prepared for a high scumbag quotient, but there were none. I also enjoyed the buffet at the Hilton; the chicken had little vibrators in it. In the convention area, the booths were spread out in rooms with dark carpeting (Dark Carpet is my new Hairy Vampire niche series, by the way) and people almost seemed to speak in hushed tones. I guess the color of the rug really matters. Both Erotica L.A. and the Adult Entertainment Expo were set up on bright gray carpeting. I spoke as part of a three-person panel on ways to better market one's sex toys online. The other members of the panel were the delightful Regina Lynn and the demure Joel Tucker from JT's Stockroom. Gina Lynn and I often echoed each other because we have similar job descriptions. But Tucker talked about his early business ventures as a student at Occidental from 1985-'90 and the BBS (bulletin board system) culture of the time. In the early days of e-mail, he reminded the audience, people needed a reason to have it. They needed to be students or government researchers or in the military, for example. E-mail was not a commercial product. He said that, in such an environment, the community ostracized and punished spammers. It was not the first time I've wished to go back to 1987. Then I could have dated Jane Wiedlin. My speech began thusly: I have never purchased a sex toy, but I've reviewed hundreds of them. It's the same with pornography in general. I went from finding rain-soaked Penthouses behind my junior high school to - several years later - getting hundreds of dollars worth of DVDs in the mail. You know how the press will say the President is out of touch if he doesn't know how much a gallon of milk costs? Well, I'd be a lousy President because I have no idea what people spend on cock rings.One of the people I met after the seminar had worked for Apple for eight years. Now she comes up with innovative uses for vibrators. She encouraged me to write Steve Jobs about my recent PowerBook woes. "He really reads those e-mails," she said. "Was it the Intel switch that drove you into the arms of adult novelties?" I wondered. Stormy Daniels was there. She is following me. I think it's sweet.  We got our picture taken together. I generally don't do the picture with the porn star thing because in general I try to be respectful of the fact that somewhere in the back of their minds they must be saying "not again." But she explained that she wanted our picture so she could get back at the glamorous but shallow Monstar, who'd had the gall to have a framed photograph of himself with someone other than Stormy on his desk. "The hurting needs to stop," I said quietly. Because there were so few porn stars around I was allowed to appreciate anew the hotness of normal people. A woman in fishnets who had nothing to do with porn other than being a fan of it chatted with me for a few minutes about my views on threesomes. "I don't work with dudes, baby," I said, because she didn't know I was a stone-cold G from the streetz.  There didn't seem to be anything that was out of the ordinary at the convention. Instead, there were many variations on common themes. I did think the Monkey Rocker was a good idea, especially because I think monkeys have been getting a free lunch from the media all these years. I suggested in my speechlet that companies would do well to offer customization of their products online to make sex toy purchases a more personal experience. I said that I rarely visit adult stores and do most of my shopping online. I said that getting up and walking to a place with doors and a wall was quaint. "Get a website, you goddamn dildosaurs," I didn't say, because people are sensitive. I'll be going back tomorrow for a seminar on zoning. That's how I roll. Previously: Icon to explain dildos See also: Adult Novelty Expo ¶ Tuesday, July 18, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, July 17, 2006
Night of the Stars recognizes freedom, snacks
 The auditorium at L.A. Center Studios smelled a little like old men. Indeeed, most of the folks in the room for the Free Speech Coalition's Night of the Stars awards ceremony were older men, but I think the smell came from their suits. After all, it was a porn awards show in the middle of the summer - why was everyone wearing suits? "My father bought me this suit, and my other one," said still-very-young FSC Communications Director Tom Hymes. The short awards ceremony was hosted by NakedSword's Tim Valenti and Roma of San Francisco drag collective Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Roma's free-wheelin', take-no-prisoners style reminded me of Joan Rivers' before she drove her husband to suicide. Oh My God! I'm outrageous! Is it possible that I am a drag queen, too? Valenti and Roma did an admirable job of keeping things going and I think they should host the remainder of this year's 32 adult awards shows. They should also host the Vibe Awards. The event was preceded by a nice mixer. I was accosted by Stormy Daniels.  "You never come to my sets," she said, having done her homework. I shamefacedly explained why (it has to do with an ancient feud between our families, and our forbidden love). I asked what the dynamic was on the sets of the movies she directs. Is it all business? Since she is still a perfomer, does she ever have to give the blowjob equivalent of a line reading? "Since I still perform, people are a lot more receptive to me as a director," she said. "And for the women, taking direction from a woman makes it a lot easier to swallow." I'll bet it does, I thought. "What did you say?" she asked. Stormy can read my thoughts? "Yes." There was a press release a while ago about Stormy signing with a mainstream agent. I'd seen her as The Porn Star in The 40-Year-old Virgin, but I didn't really have a frame of reference other than that character was definitely not the one speaking to me right now. "I turn down more roles than I take," she said. "There are a lot of women who are my fans and I think I have a responsibility to not just take the roles where I'm stupid or a whore." She writes her scripts using Final Draft. Can you imagine how many people would buy that expensive watered-down version of Word if Stormy's testimonial was here?  Jill Kelly received a lifetime achievement award, thanking an adult industry Who's Who. She thanked Jim Holliday four times, but also listed Kylie Ireland, Roy Karch, Joy King, the late Cal Jammer, and not ex Jill Kelly Productions principal Bob Friedland. Mr. Marcus, accepting in the actor category next, asked if he could borrow her list. Michael Brandon accepted the Gay Actor lifetime achievement award (where were the lesbians? - oh, that's right - straight porn girls already provide such an accurate portrayal of actual tribadism and Sapphic glee that there is no need for a separate lesbian category) and Colt's John Rutherford was honored in the Gay Director category. Earlier in the evening FSC Director Michele Freridge, who is always on point with several substantive soundbites per conversation, told us that pornographers were the "epitome of Americans". Even I, a First Amendment Patriot, found that difficult to swallow, even with Stormy's help. I would have been content to be called a citizen and taxpayer whose voice was as valid as anyone else's. But everyone knows that it is cattle ranchers and stewardesses, not pornographers, who represent the real America.  Dave Cummings, for his lobbying work as well as his part in the class action suit against the Bush administration for last year's 2257 restrictions scam, received a Hal Freeman "Freedom Isn't Free" award. His acceptance speech was short and forceful. Keep a line between church and state, he suggested, support the troops because they didn't start the war, and vote. Later I won the "Advertised Open Bar Isn't Free, Either" award as I strolled outside on a patio overlooking downtown L.A. I leaned against a wall and a cigar lady came by. Cigar service is one of the many freedoms I cherish. I leaned on the wall for two more hours, inadvertently tapping ashes onto someone's salad plate in the courtyard below. "Salad Isn't Free," I said. On the stairs, I asked XBiz cub reporter Steve Javors how the world was treating him. Earlier this year, Steve sought my counsel and ignored it to his success. "Did you have fun at the XBiz Forum?" I asked. I'd heard it was very nice but that people would immediately burn into plasma upon setting foot outside any of the Vegas convention areas. "It was really gratifying," he said. "I felt like I was on Entourage. People were lining up to talk about XBiz and the programs we're pushing forward. We're really doing some exciting stuff." "I thought you were my friend," I said. "You're talking to me like you run an affiliate program." I felt like I'd been lightly coated with oil. "It's just that we have this $10,000 advertising contest - " he said. "Let's get a drink." Well-placed snacks absorbed my tears.  In the end, I met new Shane's World contract star Casey Parker. I hadn't had a chance to say hello to her at her coming out party because she was too busy stamping on my individual freedoms. But what a nice person. She explained that one of the elements of the party I enjoyed, a holographic image of a swimmer projected into the pool, had been her. "Wow," I said, and meant it, but couldn't think of anything else. I suppose I could have asked, "So do you like swimming?" and she would have had to reply, "I like all sorts of outdoor sports" because how could she not? I respected her too much to do that to her, so I said "Wow" again. Previously: F.A.M.E.; X.R.C.O.; A.V.N. See also: Free Speech Coalition ¶ Monday, July 17, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Happy Birthday, Tina Tyler
 Tina Tyler turns 41 today. Described (and she approves of the description) as "the thinking man's porn star", she is now retired from performing and instead directs several lines for Lexington Steele's Mercenary label. She also watches VH-1. We had a long conversation about The Lord of the Rings, fellatio, and Gordon Lightfoot, and you deserve to hear all of it, but the simple fact is that you don't deserve it yet. I'll leave you with this picture, for now, and a quote from Tyler that you should probably incorporate into your corporation's Best Practices: "I made it my business to have an orgasm, and I did good business 80 percent of the time." Previously: Tina Tyler refuses to stop being hot (1 and 2); Don't hate - fellate See also: Tina Tyler ¶ Sunday, July 16, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Billy Glide XXX launches
 I like Billy Glide and his band of hard-drinking, bottle-crushing compatriots, and I applaud them for choosing to hold out for the real Internet rather than the Web 2.0 nonsense of MySpace.BillyGlideXXX launched this week with free videos and content to hook people in. After that you'll pay. Oh yes you will. The site includes accesss to his Hookers, Casting Couch, and Island Adventure series (the latest, starring Cassie Young [pictured], Taylor Rain, and Missy Monroe, was shot on Catalina). Previously: Erotica L.A. in review; Billy Glide will beat you up after school; Carmella Bing - a rack in the back See also: Billy Glide ¶ Saturday, July 15, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
The Most Insightful and Provocative Press Release I Have Ever Received
Icon to Explain Dildos
 PORN VALLEY, Calif. -- Noted legendary adult industry icon Gram Ponante will be speaking at the World Sex Toy Convention on Monday, July 17, at 2 p.m. in Universal City (not to be confused with Dolph Lundgren's Universal Soldier).Ponante will be joined by Wired.com's Regina Lynn and Joel Tucker of JT's Stockroom to discuss sex toys and the Internet. "What is the Internet? Who are sex toys?" ejaculated Ponante over a lightly-tossed salad atop Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, and Helipad. "All I want is to be left alone." After parting ways amicably with adult trade publication AVN, where he was one of the most influential and respected people on the publication's editorial staff, he parted ways amicably with adult trade publication XBiz, where he was one of the most influential and respected people on the publication's editorial staff. Hanging out his own shingle in 2005, Ponante now edits his own site, Porn Valley Observed, is a daily contributor to Fleshbot and XBiz, and recently embarked on a thrice-weekly column for Gamelink. In his spare time, Gram drinks. "Gram's views on the adult industry, however uninhibited by facts, are the most widely read of anyone in the dubious field of porn journalism," said equally noted porn visionary Loup Perch-Tounge. Ponante's "Marital Aid Test Kitchen" appears regularly on Fleshbot and his own site. After the seminar, Ponante will be available for toasting, cutting the cake, and all the traditional wedding acts. Previously: Private introduces world's first hybrid synergy porn star; Whither Steve Banan?; Adult industry media to be electrocuted See also: Adult Novelty Expo ¶ Saturday, July 15, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, July 14, 2006
Carmen Luvana, smeared with cocaine, getting fucked on a pile of cash
 ... or, "Tonight is kinda special". I visited the set of Adam & Eve's Lady Scarface yesterday, in which Carmen Luvana plays bloodthirsty, cockhungry drug lord Toni Luvana. Director Daniel Dakota feels that someone like Luvana with such heavy weaponry should at least also have firearms, so Lady Scarface is the second of his recent movies to feature Carmen packing heat. The first was Jane Blond: Agent DD7. Dakota secured Hollywood armourers to stock this movie, which also features Ava Rose as the maniac sidekick/love interest ("We combined Michelle Pfeiffer's character with Manny's character for sex purposes," noted Dakota. "Oh. For sex purposes," I said), with guns. "Even the props are expensive," Dakota said. The location in Encino, a mansion with marble walkways and heavy doors down a long, secluded driveway, was actually the second choice. A porn production at the first place had neglected to secure a filming permit, and the cops had chosen that day to visit and shut down both the production and the location. "We were able to get this place in a day," Dakota said.  Crime boss Luvana was being serviced by underling Jerry atop a table laden with bags of cocaine and littered with 100s and 50s. There was even a money-counting machine. "Money-counting machines are expensive," Dakota said, "so you know that anyone who has one probably has a lot of money." I realized we were talking a lot about money. Is that all there is?? I thought. No. There was also drugs. I asked several people what the contents of the coke bags were. Each person was coy. I knew that it wasn't real cocaine for two reasons: 1. Carmen had it all over her nipples and even girlier parts. If it had been real cocaine, she would have even fucked me, despite my longstanding credo of not showing off. 2. No porn publicist within fifty miles would have allowed a single grain of coke to hit the floor. Finally I utilized my overlong pinky nail and snorted a measurement equal to my first name. It was powdered sugar. "Chinga mi! Punetta!" Luvana cried on the table. Because I am Castilian, I knew that to mean "Fuck me! Oh, Fuck!" I'm glad she didn't say it in English.  Afterward, we ate orange-flavored chicken on the thousand-degree veranda, she in her towel, and I in my cap. She would later be shot fifteen times and fall in the pool, but I can't stand violence and needed to leave. In fact, on a recent visit to Tijuana, I opted to eat bags of churros rather than purchase any of the thousands of forms of Scarface memorabilia available on the side of the road. It is whispered that Adam & Eve's big AVN award pushes will be Nick Orleans' airplane porn Tailgunners and Ernest Greene's fetishy O, based on "The Story of O". Lady Scarface will be launched in time for the 2007 awards. Previously: Fiat Lux Kassidy; Why we fight See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Friday, July 14, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, July 13, 2006
A more congenial spot
 Your labia are thought of quite a lot here More obsessively than you could know You'll need to run a G-string through your twat here In Cameltoe. Previously: Oh to live on Cameltoe Mountain See also: Mr. Cameltoe ¶ Thursday, July 13, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Porn Valley font panic
 Who is monitoring our industry's fonts? No one.Four out of five porn consumers surveyed said that the boxcover font was the determining factor in all their adult purchases, followed distantly by pictures of women with fingers in their mouths.* Both Ghetto Booty*licious and Silverlake Scenesters employ a stroked block font that threatens to occlude the powerful message these movies seek to deliver. Is "bootylicious" a word Vena Virago might use to describe coffee-drinking, dog-park-loitering, Trader Joe's-fake-crab-buying residents of SilverLake? And what of Booty*licious' Ariel Alexus (coincidentally also the name of a place I like to put my thumb when I pick up hookers)? Do you think she wants to convey the impression that the women who share her movie are pale Nietzsche-reading 'zine contributors? Hells no. As the spokesman of this industry and as a noted adult icon, I call for the creation of a Porn Font Commission so this never happens again. The madness needs to stop. *Survey respondents were inpatients at Missouri's Krammler Center for the Criminally Insane, one of this site's sponsors. Previously: Hanging with Silver Lake Swingers; The Cum font: a note on the type; Up in the Club sandwich See also: Vena Virago, MaximumXposure ¶ Thursday, July 13, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Playboy Mansion in a nutshell
 I swear, when I turn 60 I'm going to own this town. Previously: A Patriotic Pussy Party; Day rate plus anal; Sunny Lane a spinner by comparison See also: Playboy, Pureplay ¶ Wednesday, July 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Beyond the Valley of Porn Star Karaoke
 Porn Star Karaoke was different from how I remembered it; the doorman's goatee was longer. Inside, however, was just the same. I kept thinking the waitresses were porn stars. This happens across Los Angeles."Jager, right?" a waitress asked. "When are you going to stop doing Girls Only?" I replied, subjecting the poor waitress to my sadness over Sunny Leone and Jana Cova. She burst into tears. "I'm not a porn star!" she cried. "I only dress like one!" (The previous two paragraphs didn't happen.) Lynn LeMay was catting around. That woman has no shame. I would be very happy to teach her shame - the Gram Ponante Method™. Perhaps because she was biting my coccyx I forgot to ask her the question that has been deviling me these past few months. What is a MILF? LeMay just directed her first movie, Phoenix: Risen from the Ashes in Las Vegas. She said she called up Caroline Pierce out of the blue when another actresses chose to go on a crack binge. "Caroline shows up, completely professional, does a great scene, works from midnight to 5 a.m., gives me a kiss, and then goes home. That's professional." But wait - porn stars go on crack binges? Tee Real was there, keeping it real. He is appearing in L.A. Vice with Kurt Lockwood.  I am starting to feel about Kurt Lockwood the way I feel about Donkey Punches: I may not agree with what he does or his methods, but if it's consensual and no one's getting hurt, why should I complain? Thomas Jefferson might have said the same thing when asked about Kurt Lockwood and Donkey Punches.Lockwood gets pegged in L.A. Vice. I predict it is going to be a big movie for Sex Z Pictures because of this. Here is what Tee Real said: "I don't do anything on screen that I don't do in my personal life. While I might not be into (pegging) personally, Kurt's brave for putting it on screen. He likes it." My suspicion about Pegging 101 was that some of the actors were ambivalent about it. Watching that sort of ambivalence in a porn movie from an actor or an actress is always disconcerting. Kudos to Lockwood for not subjecting an audience to an ambivalent performance, even if people might feel the need to fast forward through it. I talked with Wales' own Sophie Dee.  "Did you see the World Cup?" I asked, instantly out of World Cup followup questions. "Yes! Italy won," she said. Then I seamlessly transitioned to one of my many areas of expertise. "Whenever I see you on a boxcover, you seemed to be surprised by black cock," I noted, both shocked at what I hear coming out of my mouth nowadays and comforted somewhat by the fact that I'm still shocked. "That's the impression we want to get across," she said. I took her picture. "For the love of God," I said, "please put your finger in your mouth." The Mr. Rourke of Sardo's Bar, where PSK is held, is an efficient and gragarious man named Seymour. He reminded me that next Tuesday is Porn Star Karaoke's third anniversary and that all the porn stars who made the event successful are invited back. "Wankus is going to send out a press release," he said. "Yeah, but he'll do it at three o'clock that afternoon, the douche," I said. Previously: Kami Andrews - just because; Report: breasts popular; Run to the Hills; Why we fight See also: Sardo's Bar Labels: kurt lockwood ¶ Wednesday, July 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Ron Jeremy's Unified Field Theory
 If you meet me on the street, I will invariably say this to you, because it's my "thing":Cooling rapidly through a phase transition leaves behind so-called topological defects, such as the "knots" in this liquid crystal that has been cooled into a colorful phase. The Universe also cooled rapidly, and experiments with a superconductor support a theory of topological defect formation in the cosmos.A reader writes: Grams,I respond: Dear L,I cannot imagine Ron Jeremy saying, "Regrettably, I resemble a British Physics Ph.D. Do you think I could cash in on that?" Previously: F.A.M.E.: America recognizes small asses>; What color is your clam? See also: McGill University Department of Physics ¶ Tuesday, July 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Oh to live on Cameltoe Mountain
 Mia Rose stars in Cream on My Cameltoe 2, possibly the most important film ever made, or at least its sequel.The Cameltoe Phenomenon is most closely linked with "The Celestine Prophecy" and "The Da Vinci Code" in terms of its cultural impact, and one can only hope that it will pave the way for the Muffin top to reach greater acceptance. Some day, people will look back on these few years and say, "Remember when everyone had a cameltoe?" Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; Get your hand out of your pants you dirty old broad See also: Lethal Hardcore ¶ Tuesday, July 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Backroads of Memphis
 Memphis Monroe, the longest-surviving Hustler contract star, is hitting the road to support her movie Backwoods of Memphis.Starting on July 13, Monroe will be traveling through Hustler's own Inland Empire stopping at the Hustler Hollywood store in Monroe (of course) Ohio from 6 - 8 p.m. The following nights she will repeat that schedule at the stores in Lexington, KY, and Nashville. She will also host a party at Cincinnati's Purgatory, although the Church says it doesn't exist. Tours like this are reminiscent of the "whistle-stop" train rides undertaken by Presidents Roosevelt and Truman in the 30's and 40's. What will Monroe discover about America in her rovings across the United States? Probably that people like porn. Previously: Derby day for Memphis; Of Mice and Mya Luanna ¶ Tuesday, July 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Blackmail
 I don't know anything about this Italo-porn from director Francesco Fanelli. I don't even know if "Francesco Fanelli" is supposed to mean something funny in I-talian in the way "Dick Hertz" is absolutely hi-larious in whatever language it is we speak.All I know is that the Czechtress Ellen Saint, here, should probably come over to Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, and Helipadderie and start conceiving immediately. She looks like a more wholesome, less-modified Carmen Luvana, doesn't she? (Carmen Luvana should probably come over, too.) Also appearing is Liliane Tiger, who won over the hearts of millions in the sweeping Ass Fukt. Previously: I know they're gonna love it - Peg; Nasty Redhead Sluts, others See also: Pleasure Productions ¶ Tuesday, July 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Pirates to receive G rating
 There is nothing Digital Playground can't do.With the recent news that Pirates was successfully edited down to receive an "R" rating from the MPAA, the gang at the Van Nuys compound got to work. "How can we possibly get more publicity out of Pirates," they asked themselves, "a movie that is now 17 years old?" The answer dovetailed nicely with Digital Playground's aim to ensure Jesse Jane is adored by fans of all ages for generations to come: the movie was sliced, diced, and manipulated into the safe waters of a G rating. How did that happen? "The film is now two minutes long and appears to be about the CGI skeletons," a source within the organization did not enthuse. "Janine's line has been reduced from 'Now lick it' to "it'." Jesse Jane, who catted around sticking candles in people's asses in the critically-acclaimed XXX version, has been replaced by a Muppet who sticks candles in people's asses. "P is for Puss-ee-ah-ow," Muppet Jane says, "That's good enough for me." It has been widely reported that Digital Playground has not made a new movie in at least three years, relying on publicity from Pirates and several thousand scenes Robby D. shot through a pane of glass in 1972. The company is hoping to trump itself with its next feature. Island Fever 4, which just wrapped production, will travel the same route as Pirates with an even more aggressive advertising campaign that will involve Sophia Santi Happy Meals, a school currriculum tie-in involving estuaries and tidal pools, and a traveling Tera Patrick quilt. Previously: Swallow the yellow thick load; How I saved Digital Playground; Pirates review See also: Digital Playground, Adam & Eve ¶ Tuesday, July 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, July 10, 2006
Is the feature dead?
 Yesterday I visited the set of Vivid's Debbie Does Dallas - Again. The movie will cost ten million dollars.Directed by Paul Thomas, the movie revisits the world of Debbie, who is now reincarnated after the cheerleading mishap that ended her life. Stefani Morgan plays live Debbie and Hillary Scott plays the new regeneration. Did I call Doctor Who or did I not call Doctor Who? The set was a cemetery in Whittier. Everyone was very careful about the graves and the property, because porn people are very groovy, spiritual people. Vivid owner Steve Hirsch was on set. It was a hot day, so a thin sheen of money coated his brow. We talked briefly about one of the gigs I do. "You seem to review a lot of titles by (other company) on that site," he observed. "Well, (that company) sends me a lot of titles," I said, "Besides, Eon McKai can't utter peep one about 'the kids' without that site covering it." This morning a Vivid official confirmed my mailing address for screeners. Since I don't play golf, I should have all my business meetings in cemeteries. (Maybe that way I'll meet Houston.)  As this was a feature film, things took a little longer to set up, but I tried not to get worried, choosing to not turn on to problems that might upset me. "What's the buzz, Paul Thomas?" I asked, checking my watch. "Tell me what's'a happenin'." "Why should you want to know?" he snapped. "Don't you mind about the future." He then talked with a hovering Showtime crew. There were several dialogue scenes to film and two sex scenes that would have to be shot after the cemetery closed to the public. Vivid spokesmodel Eon McKai came to visit. "Thanks for helping out Vivid," he said. I explained to McKai that Thomas was a superstar before he, McKai, says he was born, and that I felt awkward being very familiar with one aspect of Thomas' career and not his porn career. The Holy Spirit dropped by to chat with His old friend Thomas, but He was quickly ushered off the closed set.  "Have you seen Fade to Black?" Thomas asked me. I replied that I had. It was a Mickey Rourke movie. "Did you like it?" he asked. "Yes," I said. "I just did Fade to Black II," he said. I wondered how Vivid had acquired the rights. Then I realized that Thomas' Fade to Black was not the one I had seen. "I'm embarrassed to admit that I have not seen any of your movies, PT," I said, using the preferred title. He looked as if he were about to fall into any number of available open graves. "You've got a lot of catching up to do, Son," he said. ...of God? I wondered.  I realize that that is true, but am I supposed to read Lurk Ford's archives before every event I attend? And if so, wouldn't I be in danger of assuming everyone was in the Mafia or had AIDS? McKai and Thomas apparently share a wing of Vivid and switch off on the helipad. "Ask PT if he'll come to my Jesus Christ Superstar party next year," I demanded. "Would you come to a Jesus Christ Superstar party next Easter at Gram's house?" McKai asked Thomas. "And would you cook?" I blurted out. Thomas proceeded to tell a story about the actress who played Mary Magdalene in the movie that made "I Don't Know How to Love Him" seem like an outright lie. I will be hard-pressed to ever have a better time in a cemetery. As you know, I am super-sensitive to the spirit world. For some reason, I sensed Death all around me.  I watched crew members bearing Vivid's rent-a-coffin away. "Is the porn feature dead?" I asked. "As long as one person believes, Gram, the feature will never die," they said. For a gallery, click here. Previously: Erotica L.A. in review; I think you've made your point now; 'sanna, 'sanna: Ho ¶ Monday, July 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
The Second Lex
 "The biggest mistake people make is thinking of me as Lexington Steele the performer instead of Lexington Steele the entrepreneur." I'm sitting with Lexington Steele in his office which, as porn offices go, is the nicest one I've visited. It has room for a man to think. Do other adult industry moguls have such dope, fly fish in their aquarizzy? Hells no. For some reason, Titanic is playing on a monster television. The interview goes from Leo and Kate's meeting to the credits. "When I was growing up," he said, "I wanted to be a businessman. I wanted to run a company. It so happens that a talent I have in another area has allowed me to be that businessman. But people forget that I was a broker as well. That's a business. That's a cutthroat business. When you're at (brokerage) Oppenheimer the philosophy is 'It's OK if you don't work, as long as you don't mind not eating'." Steele started appearing in porn scenes in New York in 1997, he said. He moved to Los Angeles in 1998, and began directing for Anabolic in 2001. He began distributing his own product under the Mercenary label in January, 2004 after shipping six titles via Red LightDistrict in 2003. Now Mercenary has over 70 titles and Steele knows exactly how much he's making from each one. "Why are the fish doing that?" he asked. It's later in the afternoon of July 3. No one is around. He makes a call. "Should the fish be doing that?" he asks the person on the other end of the line. "OK." I use this opportunity as a segue. I know nothing about fish. "What's the deal with you being the father of all those children, allegedly?" "Man, I haven't seen Calli Cox in years and I never touched Teagan. That's not what I do." "Why do you suppose rumors like that get started?" "You notice that it's not Calli or Teagan saying I'm the father?" "I'm asking the questions here!!!" "Calli sure did interracial, but I don't think Teagan has since she went to Digital Playground," Steele thought out loud. "And Teagan was on and off with (director) Jules Jordan, who's a friend of mine. I wouldn't do that to him." As Steele is porn's most prominent black performer, it seems reasonable, we thought, that the rumors might have more to do with a hare-brained attempt to cast aspersions on the white girls than sully his name with irresponsible paternity. "Jason Sechrest says you deliberately hurt his movie." "Again, the entrepreneur vs. performer thing. I don't usually respond to accusations like this. I don't mind if he has problems with me personally, but if he is trying to attack my business, that's a different matter." Steele contracted Sechrest to direct Mercenary gay subsidiary Black Viking's My First Interracial. Steele and Sechrest agree on many points of the story: Steele does not use monitors on his sets because his other directors direct while they themselves hold the camera. Sechrest was, therefore, not given a monitor. Sechrest contends that for him to be made to shadow his camera operator, giving directions without a monitor, was ridiculous. Steele says he offered director Tina Tyler, Sechrest's friend and the person who eased Sechrest into Mercenary, to photograph further movies. Further, he says that Sechrest was unresponsive to requests to sit in on the editing. Steele said that the camera work on My First Interracial was sub-par but that he hoped to compensate for that with editing. He said that Sechrest wanted MFI's camera operator to do the editing and that that wouldn't have been appropriate. "I gave Jason an opportunity to learn on the job - he wasn't a director - with a budget that was higher than most of my movies," Steele said, noting that "rates for gay men are the same as rates for straight women" (in porn, anyway). If Sechrest wasn't a director, why was he given the reins of such a large budget? "Each director I employ is expected to act autonomously," Steele said. "I knew Jason had a name in the gay community, and he had a clear vision. The vision is (the director's) own, but the parameters are set by me. "There's no way the dude could call himself a director and not sit in on his own editing." Sechrest claims that things that should have been left for the behind the scenes footage were inserted purposely into the movie, such as potentially-embarrassing off-camera directions to actors, to hurt Sechrest. It is the suggestion that Steele would sabotage the movie that concerns him. He said he is filing suit against Sechrest for slander. "I will defend my company vigorously. Jason took no responsibility. Why are you going to blast a producer because you shot a shitty movie? It is unfathomable that the guy running his own company would choose to torpedo his product." By both accounts, despite misgivings about the way My First Interracial was shot, Steele offered Sechrest a second movie, albeit with the restriction that he would have to work with a Mercenary-provided videographer and no monitor. Sechrest balked and the relationship was over.  The movie was released in late April. At the end of May Sechrest read a poor review of it and watched the film all the way through for the first time. "He had been giving me a scene a week," Steele said, "and he cashed the checks. I assumed he'd watched the footage." Sechrest's contention all along was that the movie was edited poorly. It seeems that Steele's company's style of gonzo shooting, where the directors double as the camera crew, was not what Sechrest expected or had been exposed to. I have been to many gonzo sets where no monitor was used, but it was always the director of the movie who was doing the shooting. As a novice director, Sechrest would have been in an awkward situation if he didn't know how to operate a camera and had to whisper directions into a camera person's ear. Regarding the accusation of sabotage, Steele reiterated the Two Lexingtons idea. "The only time you see Lexington Steele the performer - the meat puppet - is on set when you're in a scene with him. Sitting behind this desk? I am running a company that doesn't get trifled with." I noticed that Steele talked about two versions of himself, and asked if the performer version was going away. "No, but I had an epiphany about three months ago," he said. "I had been thinking it was time to get out of performing. Don't get me wrong, I love having sex with beautiful young women, but I like being behind this desk more (and I can always have sex with beautiful young women). So I was driving up La Cienega and I passed these young guys doing construction at a Burger King. It was about 100 degrees out and they were doing construction on La Cienega Boulevard. I thought, 'these guys should be out chasing pussy, and yet...' So I decided right there to quit bitching about my job."  The fact remains that, even though he is the head of his company, Steele is now once again subject to the schedule of his directors as a performer. "I'm sitting at my desk, wheeling and dealing. Tina (Tyler) says, 'Lex, you have to do a scene.' I'm like, 'Damn.'" Steele is negotiating with a cable provider for his own talk show. Different from Playboy's "Lex in the City" (which he co-hosted with ex-fiancee Vanessa Blue), this would be a talk show where Lex the porn star/raconteur talks with famous people who happen to be porn fans. "I'd ask (60 Minutes') Ed Bradley, 'What did they do the day you showed up with that damn earring?' "I'd like to ask Halle Berry what was going through (ex-husband) Eric Benet's mind that he didn't want to hit that. "But I might need to be more respectful." But I'm still stuck on: Ed Bradley is a porn fan? Titanic is over. I've got to go. Lex holds the door. Outside it's about 100 degrees. I can't imagine working construction in this heat, either. Previously: Vanessa Blue splits with Lex, Mercenary; Report: race an issue in America; At home with Lexington Steele ¶ Monday, July 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Lori Lust conquers media, inbox
 Not since Steve Banan walked the earth has there been as riveting a media personality as Lori Lust. I am honored to have received the following e-mail:Lori Lust on Janice Dickinson show 2x National TVYou are a straight shooter, Janice, and you know what you like. What might shock the entire world is the girl who's known as the best body in the Industry actually received the stamp of approval to be on the show as one of the finalists before her director came in the room? He said she had to be over 5'7" tall. But the director said her body and beauty was amazing and she would be perfect for pinup, lingerie or fitness modeling during the interview.That director is a straight shooter who knows what he likes, and how! We asked Lori Lust what she thought of the whole entire ordeal and she replied,That Playboy model probably had it coming! Janice Dickinson still said she loved my look and personality. She added that she might use me on some reality shows that she has coming up. Janice took all my information, modeling cards, plus two workout videos and gave me a hug. Kinda neat experience when you consider who she is and what she has accomplished. Either way for Janice Dickinson to like me that much, it made my day.That Janice is all right in my book! So Lori Lust scores high ranks with approval on National TV again. She is one of the few porn stars that has the presence and ability to please the mainstream elite. Not only her body but her personality seem to win the hearts of even the hardest critics.This media elite says: "You bet!" It's easy to see why this girl who is like a chameleon can fit almost anywhere or in front of any audience you place her in. With this diversity adult and mainstream could almost put her anywhere. Anywhere could mean everywhere in the future as porn grows to find it's next generation of elite porn stars.The chameleon is an earless squamate that primarily lives on Madagascar! Remember: if you don't pay attention to Lori Lust, there is a good chance you're going to Hell. Don't fuck this up. Previously: Valentine's Day Lust See also: Lori Lust, not to be confused with Lori Lust, Lighthouse Talent ¶ Thursday, July 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Choose your fiction
 A friend asks: Grams, the studio I work with took out an ad in AVN listing my movie as its best-selling title a few months ago, yet the following month my movie wasn't even listed in AVN's 100 best sellers, despite the fact that several of the studio's other titles - which I know sold less - were listed. How do those things work?Dear friend: Person A calls you a snappy dresser. Person B says you are from South Carolina. You are neither a snappy dresser nor from South Carolina. Whom do you choose to believe?Previously: Atomic Vixens review ¶ Thursday, July 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Asses - this time they're big and wet
 Research shows that it doesn't take a lot to get an ass wet, but at what cost?I'm assuming that Elegant Angel needed to put a tarp down for all the assery going on in Big Wet Asses 8. I spoke with Gina Lynn a while ago and she said that she was surprised when someone wanted to take a picture of - of all things - her feet. "I didn't think that feet were part of the package," she said. When they got into the business, did Sasha Knox, Kami Andrews, Sandra Romain, Chelsie Rae, and Jada Fire ever think they were going to have their butts oiled? I found myself musing at the direction my life had gone when I recently wrote copy for a Vivid ad that would appear in AVN. "What more can one say about Charlotte Stokely?" I thought. Previously: Tiana Lynn's easy challenge; Skanky swap See also: Elegant Angel ¶ Thursday, July 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Jenna not #1 with Nazis
 I have dyslexia, and on days when I am tired or sluggish it manifests itself in interesting ways. Today I read that Jenna Jameson's Auschwitz ranking had climbed to third place.I supposed that even Holocaust survivors need porn, too. Then I realized I must have mis-read something, and indeed I had. But the original impression was so much more compelling. Here is what it actually said: JENNA JAMESON CLIMBS TO THIRD PLACE IN ACESHOWBIZ.COM CELEBRITY BUZZ INTERNET SEARCH RANKINGI am going to plant a tree for Jenna in the Garden of the Righteous Babes. Previously: Erotica L.A. in review; Club: Jenna See also: ClubJenna ¶ Wednesday, July 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Jennifer Steele's XXX Support Our Troops Gangbang
 The disarrayed bed, of course, represents our nonexistent Iraq exit strategy. Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Ass-to-Pussy (gamelink) See also: Jennifer Steele Labels: remmet studio ¶ Tuesday, July 04, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, July 03, 2006
Club Sandeewich
 It's only the beginning of July and yet I have just received notice that Sandee Westgate and Gina Lynn will be the September covergirls of Club magazine. It is as if the publishers of that respected rag think that nothing will happen in the world of boobies for the entire summer. "Each of you slam one of your rock-hard breasts together," said the photographer, after which everyone signed each other's yearbook with Have a Wicked Good Summa and then left for camp. Previously: Working on a sex farm; Gina Lynn, Superstar See also: Sandee Westgate, Gina Lynn ¶ Monday, July 03, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Porn blooper reel
 Most adult DVDs come with behind-the-scenes documentaries. They are varied in their usefulness, ranging from tedious shots of the director mugging for the camera or a long treatise about why someone got into porn (that doesn't mean they're not interesting for that very reason) to footage that is often better than the movie it's backing up.But the best ones are just funny. JM Productions has put together a DVD-length blooper reel of backstage shenanigans that might very well be porn's version of The Player. There is probably no company out there that aggressively just doesn't give a fuck as much as JM Productions, and that is refreshing. Porn’s Most Outrageous Outtakes contains footage from the sets of JM’s series American Bukkake, Gag Factor, Attention Whores, Lesbian Bukkake, and White Trash Whore. "Now (fans) can get a glimpse of what this life is like without having to worry about being beaten to death by a whore’s angry boyfriend," explained director Jim Powers, who provides quick introductions to archival clips. I wonder if they have any tape from the day they got news of the obscenity indictment. Previously: Turn your bukkake upside down; JM attempts to make wrestling heterosexual; Hillary Scott: Cock Star! See also: JM Productions ¶ Monday, July 03, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Kilroy Karch was here
 ...from the set of VCA's Nightshift Nurses...Escort Service. Director Roy Karch apprises Daryl Hanah of some of the finer points of receiving cunnilingus from Jim Beem. ¶ Saturday, July 01, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
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