| --Monday, July 31, 2006--
At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts
 "It's never work to take her picture," said photographer Carlos Batts of wife and Alter Ego star April Flores. "Shooting her relaxes me."
It's about 10,000 degrees in Hollywood, and just under that at their place south of Franklin. They're breaking the rules by letting the dog on the bed for a picture.
Batts, born in Baltimore, started shooting stills for Hustler when he moved west. He is one of the few people I know who work in the adult industry for whom that work is a part-time job. "Carlos Batts" is also his real name, and his other work has appeared in print, in frames, and online all over the world.
And that is where the problem lies. It's one of those good problems that doesn't involve someone losing a kidney or the rent going unpaid.
Is what Carlos Batts and April ("Fatty D") Flores do "porn"?
A little about April and Alter Ego.
Flores is a voluptuous Latina raised in West Covina. She was always comfortable in front of a camera but didn't pose nude until Batts and she hit it off after meeting at a gallery opening in Echo Park in 2000.
"Her skin radiates light," Batts said.
"I thought 'I'm a photographer, I'd like to take your picture' was a pickup line," Flores said, "but I was open to it.
"I thought he gave me the 'I wanna fuck you' look. Turns out he gave me the 'I wanna photograph you' look."
("They're similar," I said.)
They discovered that she worked at the coffeeshop around the corner from his apartment.
"We met in June and I was pretty much living here by September," she said.
They began shooting what would eventually become Alter Ego, a series of vignettes featuring Flores in solo scenes, in wigs and different outfits, with friends, with a pre-op (now post-op) male to female transsexual (there is no dialogue in the movie, but when EK injects Caverjet into his penis he looks off-camera to indicate "it's not as painful as it looks"), and having some snacks.
I assumed Flores was someone with no body image problem at all, but it wasn't that simple.
"I would lose a lot of weight and not be happy," she said. "The decisions to be happy came slowly."
 Batts' first book of photography, "Wild Skin" (Edition Reuss, Munich) contained a note from his publisher. "His pictures are direct, wild, erotic and do not seek to flatter," it read. "His models are full of curves and corners."
Batts cuts no corners in presenting playful and loving images of his wife.
Of their first shoot, Flores said, "He said 'I want to put you in a bikini.' Now I'm a big juicy woman. I had a half a second of 'What?' and then I jumped into it. I thought of myself as a bowl of fruit or a piece of clay."
"She's very considerate," Batts said. "Before we go out, she asks me if I want her to smell like marshmallows or cherries."
Can what you do when you're in love be porn? Is it porn when there's commerce involved? Each scene of Alter Ego is lovingly framed, lit, scored, and constructed, but there are women fucking each other with dildos in it.
Sure it's porn, but that doesn't mean it's soulless.
Michael Ninn could have made Alter Ego, or Andrew Blake, but it would have seemed cold. (What would Batts have done with Catherine?)
The question is how to market a series of what appears to be erotic wedding presents Batts and Flores gave to each other. Currently, Alter Ego is for sale on Flores' site.
Batts, having worked in the porn business, is adamant that what they're doing not be lumped in with traditional porn fare.
"Every artist should handle sex, and violence, and humor," Batts said, describing the artist's journey like a medical resident's rotation. "People are doing radical things, but the way we look at art is reductive. We've got iPods but we're still living in 1946."
Flores got to work with Belladonna recently. She's not worried about the categorization so much, though Batts is very concerned about how they are not to be perceived.
 "I'm not 'The Black Photographer' and she's not 'The BBW'," Batts said (He had earlier mentioned that BBW-lovers get upset when women are falsely labeled as BBWs. "She needs to put on 50 more pounds," he explained).
"We just hope our passion for life inspires people."
See also: April Flores, Carlos Batts
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
 
Vacation escort
I will be going on vacation starting Thursday. In my absence I have gathered some truly amazing people to populate this site. My only directive to them: Don't get me arrested and don't libel people.
But wouldn't you know that just as I and Team Ponante were planning our excursion to Points East, a box arrived full of the most challenging gadgets and geegaws, including this Kochi anime blowup doll with "usable pussy ass and mouth".
I always tell my women, "Women," I say, "you'd better make sure your mouths, asses, and pussies are usable, if you know what I mean." They sure get a kick out of it.
Perhaps I am going to team up with Jennifer James and Roy Karch to create "Memoirs of A Modern Day Anime Blow-up Doll".
If I try to get her on the plane (I have named her Go Boots Go Rock 'n' Roll), will her "solid head with sucking action mouth" classify her as a full-price passenger?
If you want to buy Go Boots Go Rock 'n' Roll, click here. It also turns out I've talked about her before.
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Sunday, July 30, 2006--
ReBelle Rousers on location
 In March I travelled to Funky Junk Farms in Altadena to watch the filming of ReBelle Rousers.
The location is a State Historic Landmark. On the grounds are several old-tymey vehicles including recreational trailers used by Carmen Miranda, Lucy and Desi, and Lillian Russell as well as a bus built by Howard Hughes for actors on location. The curators of the location are a bunch of Teamsters who work on movie sets and who have gradually pulled together acres of Americana.
Since Los Angeles is home to so many transients, it is easy to say it is not aware of its own history, but that isn't true. The location, which still has several rectangular cement pools (all about coffin size) that were once used for breeding fish, also has a warehouse where the curators restore old motorcycles and a building that can be used as a Route 66-era gas station.
But enough about things that aren't naked ladies.
This was the set at which congregated Angie Savage, Page Morgan, Kimberly Kane, Lexi Bardot, and Mysti Mae.
Check out the gallery here.
Previously: ReBelle Rousers and their genomes
See also: Vivid Steve, Funky Junk Farms
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Will there be another Temptation Awards?
It looked grim.
 After a Pasadena Rita-Carlton employee unpacked a box containing a Best Anal Scene trophy (designated for Hillary Scott), the hotel officially freaked out and pulled the second plug of the week on the Canada-based awards show.
How downtown's Westin Bonaventure was secured and prepped so quickly (it happened in a day) is a miracle of organization. The Bonaventure's San Francisco Room was beautiful, the lights were great, the sound was good, and the meals were, without a doubt, the best awards show fare I have ever had (I've eaten Emmy and Grammy food that I wouldn't feed to my accessory potbellied pig).
 But the fact that two hotels dematerialized in a week cast a pall over the ceremony, which already struggled with questions of relevance. Ticketholders began pulling out of the show and not returning phone calls after the Beverly Hilton cancelled, and the ballroom was half full last night. The official media sponsor, for whom a table of ten was reserved, did not show, and the only evidence of them was a stack of magazines.
UPDATE - XBiz editor Gretchen Gallen disputes this: "Not true, please correct. A few of us were there - just not sitting at the table." The sudden availability of seats allowed another entrepreneur of dubious adult conventions to benefit. He was overheard saying, "I got eight steaks - it's OK; they're already paid for."
Aside from its half-capacity crowd, the ballroom was beautifully decorated. The band AM/FM played guitar-based 70's classic rock. Aside from the shot pipes of the lead singer, they were awesome and, again, the best band I've seen at an adult awards show.
I sat with some pals from one of the few studios (Digital Playground, Wicked, Vivid, ClubJenna) who had sent a contingent. When we took our seats, champagne had been served, and the band started playing, we were more than anything really impressed that the event had been snatched from the jaws of defeat.
"I could leave right now and think the Temptation Awards was a success," I said to someone as the band started playing some Boston.
 Turns out I should have. While I think the idea was to have had jessica drake host, instead actor/comedian Andy Lauer came out. This formula's return diminishes with each awards show. Lauer appeared uncomfortable onstage and he even got Jenna wrong.
Lauer may have been a major reason the show went south as soon as it started - this was unfamiliar territory to him and his heckler-handling, especially when America's Sweetheart Holly Randall out-porn-girled every porn girl in attendance by demanding to show her tits ("I'm so bored, Gram," she lamented. "There, there," I said) - but the problems of the format were difficult to surmount. When Lauer began to lose the crowd, the idea of handing out awards to (major sponsor) Best DVD Retailer and (major sponsor) Best Web Host didn't help.
The word went around that people not in attendance would not get awards. This was only partially true. Some awards had already been inscribed but others were left generic.
For the adult industry, which is by definition narcissistic, to not show up in droves to an awards ceremony honoring it is representative of the problems Temptation organizers faced this week.
But until people began walking in and out of the ballroom to a set of bars conveniently located just outside, things were great and people were having fun. In fact, the constant ebb and flow of people and the limited attention span looked just like the AVN awards on a smaller scale. And the food was better. And the band was better.
"I'm sure the AVN awards didn't go off without a hitch their first year, either," a photographer said.
The awards themselves were solid and heavy glass prisms. They looked pretty cool. I got to hold Scott Nails' (trophy, I mean).
 The ClubJenna girls were there, including the non-wax version of Jenna, as were Kirsten Price (Lauer got that wrong, too, but so does everybody), Vivid performers Lacie Heart and Monique Alexander, Barrett Blade, Tommy Gunn and Rita Faltoyano, the delightful Sunny Lane (the band played a little "Cat Scratch Fever"), Hannah Harper, Angie and Devan Savage (pictured above), Puma Swede, Sandee Westgate, Cytherea, Regan Anthony, Tyler Faith, Tristan Ryan, and Hillary Scott.
I experienced an unpleasant sub-Hollywood exchange between Jennifer James and Roy Karch. James and Karch had helmed, for different companies, "Memoirs of a Geisha"-inspired movies, both starring Mika Tan. Neither was aware of what the other was doing. Karch shot his the third week of December last year and James shot hers the last week of January, '06.
 "I knew you were an operator but I didn't know you could go so low," James said, all smiles, to Karch.
"What?" Karch said, probably waiting for the right hook to come.
James explained that it was "odd" how Karch could release his movie with a boxcover so similar to James', both starring Mika Tan and both containing the words "Memoirs of".
(See a related story here.)
I am in a unique position to rectify this problem, I thought, but then I remembered the Prime Directive.
"Yeah," James was saying, still smiling, "just when you think you know someone..."
Why defend Roy Karch? I thought. Would he take a bullet for me? Would anyone, other than Angie Savage, take a bullet for Gram?
It was getting ugly in a very passive aggressive way. I thought I was home for Thanksgiving.
"I can explain," I said. "Legendary Sex Z Pictures owner Bo Kenney had the idea first and conveyed it to Hall of Fame director Roy Karch, who shot a month before you did. Hustler released your movie in May whereas Roy's was released in July. The responsibility rests with your respective employers. I doubt Bo Kenney and Larry Flynt have the chance to eat lunch too much, as one works in Manassas, Virginia and the other atop 8484 Wilshire Blvd., and it's not as if Hustler's media relations department was operating at full power when your movie was released."
In another part of the lobby I met up with Cytherea and Regan Anthony. I didn't recognize Cytherea because her hair was red.
 "Oh it's you," she said. Rita Faltoyano had said the same thing to me at Erotica L.A. and I wondered what I had done.
"What did I do?" I asked.
"Hey, I love you, but - "
"I love you too," I said. "Baby."
" - but you're very honest," she said.
Now I was really confused. I attributed it to my haircut. Maybe she thought I was Mike Ramone or Peter Warren?
"Do you know who I am?"
"Yes," she said.
(Here is every time I have mentioned Cytherea recently. Can you find any instance of my saying something mean? I couldn't.)
She and Regan are very, very small. I asked how tall they could get in high heels.
"I can make it to 5'6"," Cytherea said, "but my pinkie toe circulation gets cut off."
"I can go to about 5'4"," Anthony said.
"I saw Puma Swede at the AVN show and she was wearing high heels that made her taller than me," I said. "It made my testicles recede." (it didn't, really. In fact, it made them tumesce, like frank tomatoes, but I offered that white lie as an icebreaker.)
 In her search for a distribution company, Girl-on-Girl Next Door Sandee Westgate almost said Yes to doing guys on film.
"I thought about it," she said, "but I ultimately decided against it."
This fascinated me because Sandee Westgate's girls-only stance is one of the only things I can depend on. If she does guys, where will my belief system go?
Back in the ballroom, Holly Randall was making a spectacle of herself, and my leg. It was shameless, but I knew why she was doing it.
"Here, bitch," I said. "God is in the details."
The Temptation Awards did some things much better than other award shows I have attended. It was the things it did the same, but not as well, that sunk it. In the end, there was nothing about the Temptation Awards - save for the food and music - that distinguished it from anything else. There was no Golden Globes vs. Academy Awards vs. Independent Spirit Awards thing happening to which anyone could point and say, "This is a unique perspective."
To an only vaguely jaundiced observer, there didn't seem to be a need for these awards; what it looked like was a really, really expensive business card with some typos.
At the All Media Play bash afterward, I asked Hillary Scott - who has talents beyond what you've seen in any movie, let me add - what she'd won while I was out getting margaritas.
"I don't even know," she said.
The band didn't even play any Rush songs.
For a gallery, click here.
Previously: Beverly Hilton resists Temptation; Report: Adult industry to even ratio of award shows:movies; The old bouncing cross
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Stack o' porn
 Even white boys got to shout when you roll that Virtual Sex with Mercedez, but the film inspires more questions than it answers. For example, when the star has breakfast does she eat Virtual Chex with Mercedez? If she offended an old gypsy woman online, would there be a Virtual Hex on Mercedez? If I were to rope her like a dogie, would I call myself Virtual Tex on Mercedez?
**
Tina Tyler's voice in Fresh Out the Box 4 is a refreshing departure from other off-camera voices in gonzo movies, but I can't help thinking that all the time she is interviewing newbie starlets she is wondering what was the pre-war occupation of Schultz in Hogan's Heroes.*
**
"...the rest of this movie is like the best reality show ever. It is like a bukkake at a car crash. Fights, drugs, drunkenness, fear of police, misplaced pathos, and the horrifying California town of Acton all vie for primacy at the top of the monkey pile." ... so says this review of Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes. There are at least seven more paragraphs just like that one. Accept them before they destroy you.
For those reviews and more, click here.
*Bavarian toymaker
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Friday, July 28, 2006--
Temptation Awards: Porny things keep happening
One day before its debut ceremony, the Temptation Awards has had its venue yanked for the second time in less than a week.
The Beverly Hilton pulled out of its contract on Monday and now the replacement ballroom, the Ritz-Carlton Huntington in Pasadena, has similarly turned tail.
When I called the Pasadena hotel this week to confirm the event would be there (the new location wasn't on the Temptation Awards website), both the reservations manager and the catering manager, Jill Hilts, confirmed that a ballroom had been booked but said they didn't know what type of party had booked it. "There is no listing of 'Temptation Awards' or 'Awards'," Hilts said at the time.
It would lead one to assume that the event had not been booked with a disclosure of what type of event - no matter how classy for adult entertainment, what with its black tie requirement and all - this would be.
The Awards have released a press statement quoting a letter written by Hilts reading, "This is an awards ceremony that celebrates the ‘porno’ industry, and the Ritz-Carlton does not."
Ms. Hilts was unavailable when I called the Ritz-Carlton but her assistant was only able to confirm that the event had been cancelled. She said she knew nothing about the awards, nor did anyone in the office know anything.
"Jill Hilts did not make a statement about the porno community?"
"I don't know anything."
With the understanding that the third time's a charm, The Temptation Awards ceremony is now booked at downtown's Westin Bonaventure Hotel.
I asked Temptation spokesperson Dusty Marie if the previous two hotels had been aware of the nature of the event.
"George Whitty had given both places his business card, which indicates where he's from. The word 'adult' is on his business card," she said.
"It seems odd that two big hotels would risk a breach of contract suit unless they can prove they didn't know anything about it," I said.
"It's definitely a gray area because his card is pretty clear."
Marie said that, "upon doing some research", the Ritz-Carlton came back to Whitty with concerns about the nature of the show, especially after seeing the award for Best Anal Scene (the Ritz-Carlton ballroom was already being prepared for the awards when the plug was pulled). Whitty assured them that there would be no nudity or lewd acts, but Hilts issued the above statement regardless.
I asked Ritz-Carlton General Manager Martin Nicholson if he felt the event had been misrepresented, but he has not commented as of this writing.
Marie said that Whitty had included a clause in the Bonaventure contract indicating that the hotel was "all right with the idea that this was an adult awards show and that porn stars would be present".
We could always host the awards at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Helipad, and Fortress of Turgitude. There is no judgment here (unless it's about Arizona).
Whitty will talk about his experiences with the L.A. hotel industry tonight on KSEX on the Wanker and Pride of Saugus Show.
It is no secret that many porn performers are also escorts. I plan to ask as many as I can if they've ever trysted with a customer at the Beverly Hills Hotel or Ritz-Carlton-Huntington.
Previously: Beverly Hilton resists Temptation
See also: Temptation Awards
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Rossi: Arizona promotes femininity
 Penthouse Pet and ClubJenna performer Sophia Rossi will visit KSEX Radio this evening to chat up Wankus and Tyler Faith on the Wanker and Pride of Saugus Show.
She will also talk about the feminizing powers of the Grand Canyon State.
Rossi has modeled all over the world but, she says, it was only in Scottsdale "where I truly discovered myself and learned what being a woman was all about."
What kind of woman? A mall-walking woman? A woman forced to drive haltingly behind a row of cars piloted by other mall-walking women? The type of woman to apply for saguaro delivery?
This fascinates me. I have been to Arizona. It is the next state over. But wouldn't you be suspicious of a place whose greatest claims to fame are Mel Sharples, inmates in pink jumpsuits, and a vast emptiness with two rims?
Sophia Rossi is hot like fire - I just hope she realizes things are better in New Mexico.
Previously: Tough time for Arizona prostitutes; "Her passion and energy were unreal"; Erotica L.A. in review
See also: KSEXRadio, ClubJenna, Bruce "Club" Jenner in Can't Stop the Music
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Limit-setting
 Pleasure Productions' Babes with No Limits 3 either addresses dual-diagnosis Axis II personality disorders as described in the DSM-IV(R) (taking into account the narcissistic, histrionic, schizoid - or schizotypal -, avoidant/dependent, antisocial, obsessive-compulsive, or just plain borderline tendencies of people who also abuse substances) or has something to do with sex.
Previously: Gina Lynn, Superstar; Carnage in the pool, or: How I like my blowjobs
See also: Pleasure Productions
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Thursday, July 27, 2006--
Tori Spelling mourns loss with porn
 In the wake of dad Aaron Spelling's death, newly-married daughter Tori deals with her grief using porn.
Giant magazine, a publication dedicated to the bereaved, quoted Spelling's preference for the rent-by-mail porn outlet SugarDVD.
SugarDVD is known as the Netflix of Porn, a claim also held by WantedList. The true test of either company's legitimacy is if Netflix considers itself the SugarDVD of non-porn content or the WantedList of non-porn content.
Further complicating things is whether or not America cares about what e-tailers Ms. Spelling subscribes to.
In the end, it only really matters where Fred "Gopher" Grandy get his porn.
(For the record, I like Jagermeister. A lot.)
Previously: Catalina redux; I will call him "George"
See also: SugarDVD, Giant Magazine
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Jenna's waxy buildup
Jenna Jameson's likeness is here being seen cast in wax by a London, er, wax artist.
Madame Tussaud's Las Vegas branch will unveil a wax sculpture of Jameson (with her help) next Wednesday.
It is one of life's many oddities that a woman who has provoked such high viscosity in so many men will be nearly insoluble in water.
The modern consumer knows that he has a choice in wax: there is the classy beeswax, carnauba, a vegetable wax, and paraffin, which is a mineral wax used by the poor. Jameson is being cast with beeswax.
And, while I know that Las Vegas is the most air-conditioned city in the world, I can't help but think that anything made of wax there would have a hard time surviving.
Just last week I and a hooker were weeping uncontrollably atop the bridge next to Caesar's Phallus ("Save your money for a law degree," she said) and all my tears melted into their component salts before they hit the Strip below.
Previously: Jenna not #1 with Nazis; Porn I'd like to see
See also: ClubJenna, Madame Tussaud's Las Vegas
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Everything old is new again
 The Cream Pie.
Aside from its goblet-drinking, mirror-slurping variations, there is nothing new about this wholesome, church-blesssed act between two people who love each other very much.
A cream pie is just the result of what millions of Americans did before I invented porn in 1991 - a Real Internal Popshot.
"You RIPped when you should've FIPped," a director once said to me.
"Did I? Or was it because I loved too much?" I asked.
Previously: Oh to live on Cameltoe Mountain; Cuties, cream discussed
See also: Leisure Time
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Sophia Lynn makes three
 Adam & Eve has signed newcomer Sophia Lynn as its third contract performer along with Carmen Luvana and Ava Rose.
The contract girl philosophy for Adam & Eve in the example of Luvana is to find people who are responsible and at least 21. Florida's Sophia Lynn has an EMT certification and, according to her bio, an arts degree. She is also studying for a contracting license.
The obvious question for the uninitiated is, "Why is she doing porn?"
For the initiated it is, "Why didn't she do porn sooner?" and (sidebar), "Why isn't EVERYONE doing porn?"
Adam & Eve has learned from the short tenure of Austyn Moore and the about-a-minute contract of Maripossa that it wanted people who were more comfortable making their own decisions, I think.
Lynn's first movie for Adam & Eve has not yet been scheduled.
(photo swiped from L.A. Direct Models)
Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; DCypher becomes ronin; Blackmail
See also: Adam & Eve
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Can porn be funny
 Because it is summer (in fact, it is almost summer twice), this entry will be written in the form of a school report delivered by my fifth grade self, Gramito.
Can porn be funny
Can porn be funny. Tee Reel is a porn star and he is from Cleveland. Once the Cuyahoga River caught on fire. Tee Real said I will go to a place where only the trees and houses catch on fire so he lives in Los Angeles.
Tee Reel knows a lot of naked ladies and also a comedian from where China is named Yoshi. On August 11 they will be at the Laugh Factory on the Sunset Strip giving away porn and humor. Once a squirrel ate my grandfather.
Ron Jeremy is a man who can eat his own tail who will tell jokes. Naked ladies will be there like Jasmine Tame, Leah Luv, Hillary Scott, Trina Michaels, Courtney Cummz, Nikki Hunter, and Delilah Strong but not Mason.
Three types of people can get in and I'm not talking about catholics jews and muslims (joke). They are people who pay $20 people who pay $10 because they are on the guest list and industry people who e-mail Tee Reel. Previously: Barbed Wire Kiss review
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Wednesday, July 26, 2006--
Why Johnny Can't Read
One of the cruelties of this business (other than staph infections) is the need to cover up that which promises to move the most "units".
(I said "units".)
 Here is Gamelink's version of Shane "Blackzilla" Diesel's I Can't Believe I Took the Whole Thing 5.
NASA reports Diesel's parts went supernova three million years ago, thus the hue of the star.
I talked with Gamelink Content Editrix Alison Bodenhemier. Because of concerns about the common weal, Diesel's moneymaker could not be shown in full or in part.
GP: It doesn't even look like a boxcover. It looks like a rectangle with a star on it.
AB: There are a lot of similar boxcovers, mostly for that series.
GP: It is like Blackzilla came over to help a kindergarten class on Shapes Day.
AB: It takes a pentagon to cover a wang that enormous.
GP: You sound like Hillary Rodham Clinton, except for Village you have Pentagon and for Child you have Wang.
AB: ...and it takes an enormous cock to teach Geometry.
Here is a link to the unedited version.
Previously: Watch Me Cum digitally; Go go Blackzilla; Are you there, God? It's me, Blackzilla
See also: Gamelink
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Tuesday, July 25, 2006--
Don' Tanaka it 'til you try it
Not to be confused with Prince's "A Love Bizarre", the serene David Aaron Clark's Asia Noir V: A Lust Supreme features ... oh Jesus Christ. I don't know anything about this movie. I really just ran out of steam there. Maybe those Internet wags are right. Maybe I am trying too hard. Maybe I need a vacation. Could that be it? According to this Psychology Today article, though, vacations only do the trick for a little while. What, then, is at the root of this problem? Is it because Jesus isn't in my life? No - Jesus and His crew mow and weed my lawn every Thursday. Is it because I'm not young and rich enough? Possibly. I could always get richer and younger. Is it because I haven't been a stunt cock for a Virtual Sex yet? They keep calling - should I answer? Maybe it's because I haven't made the best use of my Jenna Jameson novelty golf clubs. Is that where the void is? Maybe I just need to start shooting gonzos and complete my transformation.
Previously: Tia Tanaka and the balance of power; You say Tanaka, I say Tanaka; I'll give you television, I'll give you eyes of blue
See also: David Aaron Clark
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Beverly Hilton resists Temptation
The Beverly Hilton has, according to sources, reneged on a deal to host this Saturday's Temptation Awards, a Canadian celebration of porn (or pourn).
Unofficial word is the ceremony and dinner will now be held at the Ritz-Carlton Huntington in Pasadena, which looks a little like the Overlook and is therefore impressive.
"Apparently the Beverly Hilton did not like all of the attention they were getting and pulled out at the last minute," reported a sponsor, who added that lawyers were now involved.
Inquiries to the Beverly Hilton and Temptation reps were not immediately returned. The Temptation Awards site, as of this writing, still lists the Beverly Hilton as Saturday's venue.
Since we've changed the venue from uptight Beverly Hills to Pasadena, can we perhaps get rid of the black tie restriction? It's 400 fucking degrees out.
Previously: Adult industry to even ratio of award shows:movies
See also: Temptation Awards
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Report: Despite hoopla, Gram not looking at the feet
 Latex-wrapped pornstress Brittany Andrews and her trusty sidekick (note foot pun), Neil, have re-launched ExquisiteFeet.com.
"Other foot fetish sites are so goddamn pedestrian," they did not say. "You couldn't expect recurring memberships to foot the bill. We feel that our site is more instep with what this fetish market craves, and our redesign will bring those people to heel."
Previously: The Porn movie formerly known as Alpha 15; Hillary Scott: Cock Star!
See also: Exquisite Feet, Brittany Andrews
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Monday, July 24, 2006--
Your panic room
 It is understood that one's 2257 documentation should be in easy proximity to one's main place of business but separate from all the other offices. The reason for the latter is that unrelated articles, records, and equipment can't be confiscated along with records pertinent to the search of a local, state, or federal entity.
In light of today's "friendly" FBI raid on Diabolic Video and, perhaps, other companies, I contacted heads of several adult studios and asked them where they keep their records. All chose to speak anonymously.
"In keeping with our sex-positive and couples-friendly philosophy," one owner said, "our 2257 room is accessed in a very vaginal fashion. The doors open out rather than in, and will only part once the overhead lock is stimulated for 20 minutes following the retraction of its protective hood."
"We did away with keys after the last raid," said another. "Instead, an agent would have to be able to piss directly into the keyhole in order for the door to open."
"Documentation is a cage," reported a Buddhist purveyor of primarily Asian titles.
Having spent a lot of money keeping records air-tight, backed up, and acid-free, many companies have chosen to go the extra mile and make their 2257 rooms feng shui compliant as well.
"I have a lotus pond in my 2257 room," I was told by one particularly wealthy owner. "I've converted everyone's ID picture to interactive holograms, too, so the FBI can question the image directly, like in Star Wars."
"We change the theme of our room each year," a publicist said. "Right now it's called Circle of Life. We have the producers and secondary producers, we include the consumers in the form of sperm samples and raincoats, and we even have the decomposers, which is mostly content from Germany and Brazil."
Naturally we all want this ordeal to pass, but until it does, follow the advice of one multi-award-winning producer and "donate a lot of money to the Republican party."
Previously: The (Secondary) Producers; Autumn Bliss' point of goo; Some dummy
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Fans of large-busted women to gather
 Exotic Dancer magazine's Fan Fair will be held at Sapphire in Las Vegas on August 25.
Sapphire is a huge club, but is it big enough to feed and water strip club enthusiasts from around the world? I guess it will be like a standing lap dance just making one's way through.
As a tallish person, I am wary of crowded places, because I worry that I will step on someone.
That is why I am scared of Devyn Devine, who will be there representing Gent magazine. Devyn is about 4'11". In fact, she chose her porn name so it would rhyme with her height, she did not say.
The only thing that is good about being a very tall person in a crowded place with very short strippers is something the Spanish call fellatio clandestino.
To see who else will be at the Fan Fair, click here.
In other news, Gent magazine is in no way related to actual gents.
Previously: Cheyenne Hunter: The Loneliness of the long-distance biker MILF; Exotica, purple, and mesh; Kirsten Price in a room filled with beige mats
See also: Exotic Dancer's Fan Fair
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Google, comments, and tags
We interrupt this stream of pornography to bring you three things of increasingly-descending interest to readers of this site.
First, you will notice on the left that there is an Add to Google button. We have decided to hitch our wagon to Google for readers who want to add this site to their Google homepage (an excellent and elegant way to prepare a daily interactive digest of information) or Google RSS reader.
Next, the comments have been re-enabled. Sometimes these are useful and sometimes they are a goddamn pain in the ass. Word verification will stay on, however, to avoid most spam.
Finally, Team Ponante is debating whether to start tagging posts. The Technorati search function to the left is a very good way to find information on this site, but we'd like to hear from readers who have some opinion about tags and their usefulness.
Thank you. Now kick the ballistics, crackaz.
Thanks also to Carmen Luvana, whom we've made to appear as if she supports everything we do.
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
It's so goddamn hot, and yet:
 Never say that Penny Flame isn't a trouper.
After a weekend in which Porn Valley temperatures reached 119 degrees, the "Why Are You Taking My Picture/Do You Make Money off This?" star is going to journey through cows, garlic, and dust to the Sacramento suburb of Rancho Cordova, where she will dance at Gold Coast Centerfolds for five nights starting July 25.
"If you know me then you know the chance of falling on my head is possible but you may see actually pull off sexy so stop by," Flame said cryptically.
"Rancho Cordova is like Los Angeles, except much farther inland, hotter, and hung with the smell of cows rather than melon body spray," reads the town seal in Latin.
The five-day weather forecast for Rancho Cordova boasts a 30 percent chance of combustion.
Penny Flame's doppelganger/nemesis, Copper Ice, will be dancing at the Weddell Sea's Mountains of Madness Gentleman's Club during the same time period.
Previously: Penny Flame's first camera porn
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Visitor in the Dirt Pipe
 Like you, I can't stop thinking about the title Dirt Pipe Milkshakes 2. It is never more than two or three thoughts away when I and the other members of the cabal which runs Big Porn sit around the bunker and ask Can this business get much classier?
A dialogue which started the day I dropped by the Celebrity Center was invigorated by Wicked's The Visitors. Do aliens exist? I was asked. Is disease real? When Xenu comes, will he probe us?
The tragedy of The Visitors is that it is the only movie I have ever seen Kimberly Kane in which she acts human and displays tenderness and vulnerability. Instead of being rewarded for this, she gets probed.
Read the reviews here.
Previously: Porn stars divert attention to breasts; The jellied hand of destiny
See also: Wicked, Platinum X
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
--Friday, July 21, 2006--
All the young blacks
 If "To Kill a Mockingbird" had been released today, would Boo Radley come out any faster?
Previously: The Hair down there; Girl, he be eating your pants
See also: Leisure Time, Mott the Hoople
posted by Gram the Man
at
|
Bank Holliday?
 One of Jim Holliday's "Angels" Not Impressed with Tributes
Kylie Ireland was featured in several of the late director Jim Holliday's movies. Holliday, who was a porn fan-turned-director, had distinct but simple tastes in porn: he liked nurses, sorority girls, stewardesses and, generally, women in uniform. He died in December, 2004.
The actresses he used regularly he called Angels. They included people like Ireland (center in this 1996 picture), Shayla LaVeaux, Felecia, Jill Kelly, and Tiffany Mynx.
VCA is re-releasing several of Holliday's movies along with what it calls "tributes". Recently Roy Karch shot Nightshift Nurses...Escort Service and Jane Water directed a tribute to Holliday's Car Wash Angels.
Others are planned, in what Bill Margold called a "shrewd marketing movie" for Holliday's fans.
I have been to the above-mentioned sets and both directors have made attempts to remember Holliday within the confines of budget. Karch had H0lliday's Nightshift Nurses 2 playing in the background; Waters displayed a wreath from Holliday's memorial service.
Ireland says those gestures are not enough and that VCLFPstler is sullying Holliday's name.
"It seems a bit absurd that they are remaking the Jim Holliday movies (as well as the other classics). Why? Why ruin a perfectly good porn movie? Not to mention they call the Holliday remakes "tributes" when really they aren't at all. Apparently on the first one they had a bowl of gumdrops on the set. Why? That was never a thing Jimmy did; he used to call Shayla 'Gumdrop', that was her nickname. Were
the girls all blonde? He rarely cast girls that weren't. Just things like
that that proves they don't know anything about Holliday. Not to mention if
it was a tribute how come they didn't call any of the existing "angels"? A
real tribute to Jim Holliday would be to let Jill Kelly direct the remake.
At least for the Nightshift Nurses remake Roy Karch called Shayla, Felecia,
Sindee Coxx and myself. (Why not Jill Kelly, who was one of his top favs?)
He thought it would be great to have the angels in the movie as extras - I
asked Roy, "why not put us in a scene, after all I believe all of us are
still occasionally performing?" He answer was that VCA/Hustler didn't want
"old girls" in the movie. Oh, but it was okay to have us pointlessly
wandering around in the background?! Uh, thanks but no thanks Hustler.
I also asked Roy when I talked to him, just to test his Holliday knowledge,
if he had all blondes and if he knew the No bras no panties rule. And
don't forget the knee socks. He had no real idea what I was talking about.
He thought Jimmy would give his favorite angels HIS own moccasins when he
liked them. Alas, I hang my head in shame.
Now I won't pretend that Holliday and I were on the best of terms when he
died; we weren't. It started with me dying my hair, going from blonde to
red (although he did use me a few times as a redhead) and when I was the
publicist at VCA we became estranged since I would send PR stuff t |
"It's never work to take her picture," said photographer Carlos Batts of wife and Alter Ego star April Flores. "Shooting her relaxes me."
Batts' first book of photography, "Wild Skin" (Edition Reuss, Munich) contained a note from his publisher. "His pictures are direct, wild, erotic and do not seek to flatter," it read. "His models are full of curves and corners."
"I'm not 'The Black Photographer' and she's not 'The BBW'," Batts said (He had earlier mentioned that BBW-lovers get upset when women are falsely labeled as BBWs. "She needs to put on 50 more pounds," he explained).
