Wicked contract star Stormy Daniels has signed with Ric Williams, who will represent Stormy to mainstream customers.

Williams' Black Widow Talent, the mainstream arm of Black Widow Productions (America's pegging supersource), signed Stormy yesterday as the first heavy hitter in an expected boutique stable of porn stars who would be mainstream stars.

"Porn has proven crossover appeal," said Williams, "but Stormy's status as a porn star is only a part of what makes her special. She can act and she knows how to work hard."

Williams ran WQTalent Management, a mainstream talent agency, before succumbing to the lure of porn, but every time he tries to get out, the other side of the hill keeps pulling him in.

"Stormy was great in (last summer's) 40-Year-Old Virgin, and she is one of the few porn stars who is just as enjoyable with her clothes on," Williams said.

Williams opened Black Widow's adult talent agency last month. Black Widow Talent, the mainstream company, launched with Stormy's signing.

"All my friends from the mainstream side call me now and then asking for porn talent for their movies," Williams said. "As this is something I know how to do, it's a logical extension. And who better to start with than Stormy?"

Williams noted that with the DVD sales slipping across the board for every company and more and more cash being spent on VOD and streaming, companies need to expand to the extent of their expertise.

"We can't ride the DVD ship 'til it sinks without having other places to go," Williams said.

Williams will push feature films and commercials for Daniels because, among other things, her face is so striking.

"(Producers of) 40-Year-Old Virgin called her," Williams said. "With representation, those calls happen more often."

He added that part of his pitch to mainstream producers is that established porn stars already have large fan bases that they take with them project to project.

I asked about who else he might approach, now that Stormy has opened the door.

"I'd love to get Jenna," he said.

"Hot Mom," I said.

Previously: Stormy Daniels does something; Stormy goes to Dead Zone
See also: Black Widow Productions

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, June 30, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

As you know, this site is your one-stop shop for matters relating to Albany, the Jewel of the New York Thruway.

Hannah Harper makes the Mohawk River Valley Porn Valley East tonight and tomorrow at the swanky, elegant, classy, and not at all squalid Double Vision Gentlemen's Club on Rt. 9.

"You have no idea how much I love dancing," said Harper, which I guess is the purpose of a press release.

Harper looks forward to being a part of New York's capital city's quality of life, as set forth in Mayor Gerald Jennings' State of the City speech, delivered just two weeks after the AVN convention.

Previously: Blade: extravaganza tastes like sugarcane; Harper and Austin rock the 'xnard; Hannah Harper is just allright

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, June 29, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Former judge Donald Thompson is alleged to have operated a penis pump for several years behind the bench while hearing cases. His court reporter heard a suspicious shh sound coming from the vicinity of his robes.

The Oklahoma judge believes in retrospect that he should have thrown the device away, but insists he only kept it under the bench and in his chambers and did not use it, as witnesses say, while hearing the tearful testimony of the grandfather of a murdered toddler.

Thompson faces several decades in prison and registration as a sex offender if convicted.

Previously: What is Mr. Bigg trying to tell us?; Rock, Stapp slap over cock flap; What color is your clam?
See also: Penis Pump Proceedings Prompt Purple Prose

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, June 29, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Sex Z Pictures' Corruption will be the most expensive movie the young company has yet made. It will cost one billion dollars.

I visited the set on the 11th day of shooting, which was one day over the original schedule. A previous day's work had to be scrapped "because," said co-star Kylie Ireland, "an actor did not understand feature movies might require more than four hours of his time."

It all worked out better for me, because I'd missed the earlier days anyway.

The shoot took place in the former Linda Vista Hospital near downtown L.A. Across the parking lot of the complex the TV show The Shield was filming. The Shield's crew looked over our way wistfully.

Inside, down ill-lit hallways, there were still stretchers, wheelchairs, and even hospital files piled in boxes. The hospital closed in the 80s and has been used for filming ever since.

I asked Ireland to tell me about the movie, because all I knew about it was that it was expensive.


"It's the story of Senator David Helms (former AVN editor Bryn Pryor in a non-sex role), his wife (Ireland), and his plaything (Hillary Scott). My character will do anything to advance my husband's career, so I kidnap Hillary when I find that she has become an obsession rather than a toy and can hurt his political ambitions.

"In the end, most of the cast either dies or gets sold into slavery," she noted.

"Like in 7th Heaven?" I asked.

"No."

The hospital seemed haunted. It was bright outside but inside, turning certain corners, I would jump back. My sensitivity to the nether world makes me valuable as America's Porn Journalist.

A scene between Ireland, Scott, and Steve Holmes was being shot in the same boiler room Freddy Krueger operated out of in Nightmare on Elm Street.

Writer/director Eli Cross said that Ireland's double-fisting and butt plug scenes would be taken out of the R-rated cable version.

"You're no rebel," I said.

Cross and Ireland described a movie that would have no comic relief (though James Deen plays a doomed reporter and Alana Evans a doomed secretary, and they are both pretty funny when they are not doomed) but instead a lot of dark, fetishy elements. Ireland descended into the sweltering boiler room in a skin-tight vinyl ensemble.

I had never met the Romania-born Holmes before. He directs for Red Light District and spends three months of the year in the United States. He was witty and urbane. He took the time to style his hair and wear cologne in the heat. The ladies appreciate that.

Kylie showed me her vagina unprompted. I appreciate that. There is something in this movie for everyone.


Here's how suave Steve Holmes is:

Ireland, Holmes and I were sitting in a corner. Hillary Scott walked by. He politely asked her to come over. She did. He sat her down. He gently pulled down her pants and began eating her out. Then he turned her around and began fucking her. He was getting ready for his scene. The cameras weren't rolling. The rest of us continued talking about the Glendale Fire Department.

I want to be like Steve Holmes when I become Romanian.

The boiler room scene found Kylie giving in to her own curiosity about the hold Scott has over her husband. She works Scott over with various implements, then leaves Scott to be further worked over by the bodyguards, one of whom is Holmes.

I had to leave because, when you have someone like me who is so in tune with the spirit world, it is often dangerous that I might cross over to the shadow realm. And what would I use to type?

Before I left, I asked Ireland, Scott, and Holmes to pose for a dysfunctional family portrait.


"I'm sorry you didn't get to see any sex!" Cross called after me. Oh, but I had.

In addition, I was happy to be a peanut gallery witness to the American political process.

Previously: Senator: "My depravity is utter"; FSC to Congress: "You're no Senator Billy"; Report: Lockwood good with sound off
See also: Sex Z Pictures, Kylie Ireland

Labels: kurt lockwood

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, June 28, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Listen: I know porn is all about the fantasy. Why else would I count on my thought-provoking role in Jack's Playground 27 to kick-start my mainstream film career?

But Ava Rose in Just Turned 18 #4?

All producer Stoney Curtis would have had to do was read yesterday's post when he shot this movie three months ago and he would know that America doesn't stand for lies.

"Ava is a year and a month older than me," said Mia Rose. And if Mia Rose is at least 18, then Ava would have to be ... oh my God ... at least 19.

Which would make her a MILF in today's currency.

Put away the baby clothes, granny!

Previously: After the loving; Monica Breeze - just because
See also: Lethal Hardcore

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, June 28, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

As I get older (I am now 19), I grow less and less tolerant of things I don't understand.

That is why I was initially resistant to the whole idea about Amy Ried.

"That can't be how you spell it," I said, thinking that someone looked at Ried, determined she bore a passing resemblance to Tara Reid, and bestowed a name on her, continuing to misspell her last name until it stuck.

Until I am told differently, I am pretty sure that is what happened. I feel the same way about the new porn star Gennifer Lpoez.

At least this Ried admits she does porn.

Amy Ried is starring in the newest installment of New Sensations' venerable (it's four years old!) interactive My Playthings series.

"It was suhc an honor to be chosen as a Playthnig," Ried said. "I cna't wait to see the final dorpuct. It's going to be awesmoe!"

Previously: First person shooter: Carmen Luvana; Virtual (Protected) Sex
See also: New Sensations

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, June 28, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

In the Adam & Eve movie Double Trouble, directed by Andre Madness, sisters Mia and Ava Rose play sisters who, according to screenwriter Wayne "Diamond Head" Hentai, "try to outdo each other with evil."

Normally I despise writers, what with their weak chins and need for constant reassurance, but I found Hentai's help invaluable, especially as I was hounded from the set by performers Penny Flame and Tony Tedeschi, who objected to cameras.

"Do you sell advertising on that site? Do you make money?" asked Tedeschi. "This is how we make our living."

"Who's that dude?" Flame added.

I responded that I would stop taking pictures and I wouldn't publish them. Flame had perfect nipples and Tedeschi looked like a better-fed Our Lord Jesus Christ.

"Well, you took the pictures anyway..." Tedeschi said.

"Nope. Won't publish them," I said, and left.

Director Madness provided a perfect segue.

"Is that your blue car?" he asked. "You're blocking someone in."

Being asked why I was the one taking pictures in a room full of people wielding camera equipment was one of my fears the first time I walked on a porn set. Yet no one has ever questioned my presence at the hundreds of sets I've been to since, until today.

Was it because I wasn't weariung pants?

In the parking lot, I quizzed Hentai. I wasn't going to take his picture, either, but for other reasons.

"When Andre commissioned you for this script, what was the turnaround time?" I asked, probing.

"About a week," Hentai said.

"And that was -"

" - about 12 pages."

"12 pages," I said. "In a week."

We stared at each other.

Hentai has written ten features for Madness. He does not give them titles.

"I'm a Buddhist," he said. "My art is a bird that I let free."

Madness requested Hentai write him a script about twins. Madness then cast the Rose girls.

Ava and Mia came to Los Angeles from Alaska in 1997 with their parents. Ava is 13 months older.

"Their characters play fraternal twins," Hentai said.

Back inside, Tedeschi said that no one had told him I was coming, but that it wasn't he who was irritated about my taking pictures, he said, it was Flame. "She was really angry," he said.

Flame also directs movies for Shane's World, a company that advocates the selective distribution of cameras.

I met Ava Rose in the same studio a few weeks ago for Metro's Taboo 22. Today she looked more contemporary. She and her sister gave me permission to take their picture.

They are tiny; they look so much taller in their photographs.

Madness has inherited the filming of Hustler's Barely Legal series. For today's Adam & Eve project he was directing the Rose sisters in a scene in which Mia told Ava that she slept with Ava's boyfriend.

"Did you sleep with Jean just to make me jealous?" Ava asked.

"Yes," Mia replied, "and if I find out who you're sleeping with now, I'll fuck him, too."

"You bitch!"


Then they were interrupted by their father, who laid down some swift justice. Meanwhile, a prop goldfish might have been injured, but he had it coming.

"Prick goldfish," the boom guy said.

I got the pictures I needed to make this seem at least nominally like a porn site. But I had a nagging question.

"Wayne," I asked, "on set in there, when Penny said to Tony: 'Fill me with your manliness'..."

"Yeah?"

"Did you write that?"

"No."

Previously: 12 Nasty Girls Masturbating; The Truth about whores and panties; Pornographer or stalker - who cares?
See also: Adam & Eve

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Gram wants to lease office space in the Valley, preferably on the site of an adult company. He would need a lease guaranteeing the space for at least six months, and the office would need to have Internet access, room for extra chairs, and access to parking, as well as, you know, electricity and a door (which is better than what he had at AVN).

Gram currently leases space in a building where visiting adult stars are looked upon with derision and titillation. He needs a place that is porn star-friendly as well as boring mainstream visitor-friendly.

If you or someone you love has space available, drop Gram a line via gram(at)gramponante.com. His current office lease is up on 7/15, so he needs to make a decision at least a week before.

posted by Ruby at Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Belladonna, who has always been a force of nature and who now has a conservative haircut belying her ass-tastic ways, stars in this four-hour compilation from VCA.

Both Naudia Nyce and Nikki Nievez are frequently compared to Belladonna in looks and ferocity, but it's important to credit the original.

That is why when my mechanic, Jesus, fucks up my timing belt yet again I always like to picture him hanging on a cross somewhere.

This compilation draws from a couple of dozen scenes that are a few years old, and also features fan favorite Kylie Ireland.

Previously: A Coming-of-age story; Is Nacho The Fly?
See also: Belladonna

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

One of the best porn movies of last year, which sort of fell by the wayside with the advent of Pirates, was Nic Andrews' Dark Angels 2. It is now being released om IPTV via a deal between New Sensations and Entice.tv, which has added the studio as a channel.

Other than the non-standard locations and the cinematography, which were both a breath of fresh air, there are standout scenes with Monica Mayhem and Sunny Lane. Although Lane doesn't have much of a chance to be America's Sweetheart in this movie, a dusty screw atop a truck in a desert garage lot made me yearn for my meth lab in Palmdale.

Previously: Dark Angels 2
See also: Entice.tv, New Sensations

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Let us assume that Puma Swede grew up in a small fishing village near the Arctic Circle. Let us assume, also, that the major export was tasty Swedish fish.

Do you think she ever imagined in her wildest, Lutefisk-scented dreams that she would appear in a movie called Gazongas 2?

In the murky swimmin' holes of Bogue Chitto, did I think I would ever type a sentence containing Gazongas 2? (It's possible.)

Look at her on the cover. I don't think she can believe it. "It's all happening so fast," she seems to be saying.

Previously: Sandee Westgate: Working on a Sex Farm; Let it Swede
See also: MaximumXposure, ABBA

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Porn consumers and noted industry professionals have been clamoring for another awards show, and their persistence has paid off.

The Temptation Awards, a byproduct of Canada's Temptation News, will be presented on July 29 at the Beverly Hilton. Scholars will remember that it was at the Beverly Hilton I parked for that memorable Shane's World party.

"By the year 2016, there will be one porn awards show for every movie released," said industry spokesperson I.J. Thongtop Juicypants, noting that current regulations prohibit more than one awards show per title.

To review, by the end of July there will have been at least seven American porn awards shows since November: XBiz, AVN, FOXE, XRCO, FAME, the Temptation Awards, and the Free Speech Coalition's Night of the Stars, which this year will present Jill Kelly and Mr. Marcus with lifetime achievement honors.

Trade publication XBiz has been announced as the official media sponsor of the Temptation Awards.

"The merging of XBiz™ and Temptation News creates effective coverage of the event. XBiz™’s exclusive coverage provides further legitimacy and acknowledgement providing an unbiased overview of the event."

Sometimes we all need an official media sponsor to make us feel legitimate.

The event itself sounds swanky, with an hors d'oeuvres-laden garden party hosted by jessica drake followed by a four-course meal, capped by the awards. By that point, people will be so stuffed with legitimacy that they will forget they already attended five other awards shows in which Pirates won Best Picture.

The Temptation Awards follow the AVN model by separating Best Picture into both Film and Video categories. They also recognize Best Contract Star, which is a tip to larger companies. Business categories like Best Affiliate Program and Best VOD are reminiscent of their media sponsor's awards.

To my knowledge, the Temptation Awards, which is touted as a "top-notch Canadian based adult awards ceremony", is the only Canada-based adult awards ceremony, and this will be the first time it is presented.

Individual tickets to the awards are $125. You can find pre-nomination information at the link below.

Previously: Craving Big Cocks - not Canadian
See also: Temptation Awards

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

For the first time I feel I can put Erotica L.A. in perspective: It's about the kids.


I was as surprised as you when Eon McKai, a posse of underfed blinking steveporn functionaries, and the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders burst onto the L.A. Convention Center's floor to the strains of "My Humps", but if you can't beat 'em...

***

This adult convention is particularly local and particularly consumer-oriented. The trap is to compare it to the January Adult Entertainment Expo and, though there are similarities, it is more the difference in attitude that makes this convention what it is.

Vegas has its own energy. Each year people expect to get sick and expect to lose a lot of money with the further expectation that if they hand out a lot of business cards they will eventually make more money. Then they grumble about whether it was all worth it.

The emphasis there is on business contacts where the emphasis this weekend was getting six porn DVDs for 20 bucks.


At Erotica L.A., expectations are lowered and people mill around in manageable lines. When I would leave the building, I'd walk up the street to The Pantry and eat without the worry of waiting in a long line at Margaritaville. At night, I'd drive to a party and wouldn't be too irritated if it was disappointing, because I could always drive home and shoot up drugs or discharge firearms in the comfort of Gram Ponante Towers & Aviary.

The fact that most of the events in Las Vegas are in conjoined hotels makes it appear as if things are easy to get to. This is not the case. With the understanding at Erotica L.A. that this is L.A. and therefore one needs to drive places, expectations were managed all around.

Exit interviews revealed that more people were satisfied with the business they did at Erotica L.A. than what they did in Las Vegas. It was a show that provided a nice mid-year breather for a lot of the adult industry.

Studios


There were few big studios in attendance. Wicked and ClubJenna had the biggest real estate, followed by Red Light District and Naughty America. Adam & Eve had a rear corner booth, similar in size to those of Nectar and Team Tyler. The latter did what a lot of smaller companies did by splitting booth costs among several brands. So some booths looked like NASCAR vehicles with multiple slogans and banners. There was a steady flow of traffic.

I met a Playboy employee and golf buddy. The big old news was that ClubJenna and Playboy had finally admitted to being in bed together.

"Is Jenna cashing in this year?" I asked.

"Jenna is cashing in this year, and next year, and for years to come," the person said, adding that ClubJenna was going to be the fourth tier of a structure that started with Playboy magazine and progressed through Playboy TV and then the Spice channel in increasing gradations of erotica.

And we're looking toward the next generation, too," the person added cryptically.

"Playboy's buying MySpace?"

"Ohhh, I don't know," the person said. "Let's just say that we are looking to future generations of porn buyers."

You heard it here first. The next time the Jolie-Pitts adopt a baby, they will be competing with Playboy.

Other companies didn't bother with booths at all, and representatives staked out places on the carpet or walked around. This was the case with JM Productions, Platinum Blue Productions, and Billy Glide Productions.

(Come to think of it, one of the main differences between companies that had booths and those that were forced to walk the floor was the lack of the word "Productions" in the title.)

Meanwhile, companies like Hustler and Digital Playground didn't have an official presence at all. Paul Thomas and Vivid commandeered a stage for Debbie Does Dallas Again cheerleader auditions, but there was no Vivid booth.

Exhibitors

There seemed to be a lot of wheelchairs around, carting differently-abled fans. There was a booth offering Escorts for the Disabled. The few times I went by there was a paraplegic man behind the desk. I wondered, "Is he the escort," or are there hotties with special skills particular to the needs of the disabled functioning as the escorts, or both?

My lack of understanding filled me with fear that any questions would sound offensive. I was forced to turn to the InterWeb for answers.


Fringe elements really were kept at the fringes of the show floor and, as usual, the more aggressive hucksters for vacation packages and t-shirts tried to catch the averted eyes of passersby. It was sad to see booths with no traffic and the expectant faces of people behind the table, but it also seemed apparent that the booths with the biggest traffic had more than just a table; they had booth girls or free things or flashing lights to lure people in.

Some exhibitors, too, were nomadic. IPTV provider Entice.tv sponsored gift bags and was touting its new contest, whereby consumers could win a year of Wicked, Digital Sin, or Sinsation programming via HD-quality broadband.

"Wicked is really taking the lead on getting content delivered this way," a spokesperson said, "and the smaller studios see IPTV as a good way to shore up DVD sales against the perception that VOD can't be high quality."

Yes, but couldn't they also throw in a Dalek?

Satan

Unlike other years, there were no protesters outside.

"I guess the Christians have ceded Los Angeles to Satan," said my attorney, Wayne Hentai.

But there were Christians inside, in the persons of the XXXChurch people and JC's Girls.

I asked XXXChurch leader Mike, whom I'd talked with at my first AVN convention a few years ago, what the difference was between XXXChurch and JC's Girls.

"We minister to the consumers whereas their approach is more toward people already in the industry," he said. So it was a B2C model as opposed to JC's Girls, which was a B2B model.

I'd been told recently that some of my Thomas-like skepticism about JC's Girls (who blocked me in in the parking garage with a large SUV and appeared to have cleansed their ranks of non-blondes) had made the group exclude me from their "trust circle".

I will not tell you what Tara from FreePornStarPix said. Just trust me that she's the first of us who is going to Hell (after Lurk).

Girls

Pride of Saugus Tyler Faith introduced me to East Boston's Own Tristan Ryan. The huge difference between Los Angeles and Anywhere Else is that in L.A. there is a much greater chance for the fantastic-breasted to make a living on the merits of their fantastic breasts, whereas the same people back home would have to make do as police dispatchers who moonlight as strippers, high school teachers who have sex with their students, or Woods Hole Steamship Authority mates who blow Falmouth.


Tristan Ryan currently has the look of someone who has a day job as the secretary the UPS guy invents deliveries for.

"I'm easing her in slowly," Tyler Faith said. Ryan said she'd only been in L.A. for a few months. Every time I talk to Wankus, he tells me that Tyler is naked in the front yard and Rebecca Love is lounging around topless on the couch. I assume Ryan is now staying with them, too. I really need to buy in that neighborhood.

I went to a pretty tough school. For some reason, though, I was the lone person who took Latin that the wrestling and football teams did not try to kill. Instead, I went to their parties. I always felt that at any time they might forget themselves and sucker punch me, as if waking up from a dream and not understanding why someone who looked like me was tapping the keg. It never happened, though, and soon I learned to live among them and understand their ways. Sure I'd have some remorse as I beat up the band kids, but I considered myself an anthropologist.

I have that feeling whenever I hang around with the Billy Glide staff. Right-hand man Oliver Bone, like Joe Piscopo's gun in Johnny Dangerously, looks like he can punch through schools. Yet every time we see each other all we do is drink. This is a good person to know. Billy Glide himself seems like he's more hesistant in coming around to the Gram phenomenon. If he were a Terminator, his screen might read "Kill Gram? Y/N" at all times.

Glide's free-roaming promo girls are pictured above.

Paul Thomas was casting cheerleaders for Vivid's Debbie Does Dallas Again remake (there have been at least two other Debbie Does Dallas Again movies). For some reason he thought I had power of attorney over the Billy Glide girls.

"Can you ask them to audition?" he asked me.

"You should ask them," I said.

"You girls should audition for this movie," he said to them.

"I don't think so, but thanks anyway," Wendy replied.

"Come on; it'll be great," he said.

"No," they said.

You need to understand that Paul Thomas was in one of my favorite movies, Jesus Christ Superstar, as Peter, and we had just denied him three times.

"Sorry it didn't work out," I said.

"Could we start again, please?" he did not say.

I saw Mika Tan outside the Adam & Eve booth. There was a huge line. "Gram!" she said. She's a national treasure. I said to myself, "Oh, I have thousands of pictures of Mika Tan. I'll get one later." But I never did. Now my ancestors are angry with me.

Same thing with Sunny Lane, who was signing outside of Red Light District. "Gram!" she said. "Sunny is everywhere, like the air I breathe," I thought, but I never saw her again.
How we hurt the ones we love.

Vixen was signing at the Pink Visual booth. I had met her on the set of the Black Widow (Productions = no booth) pegging movie, a minor life-changing experience for me. She didn't remember me.


"I met you on that pegging movie," I said.

"Pegging?" she said.

"The, uh, strap-on, uh, guys movie," I said.

"Oh yeah." She looked weary of the attention she was receiving. If she were not six feet tall, I would have cut and run like a bunch of Democrats. But I stupidly persisted like a bunch of Republicans.

"You weren't pegging me," I said. "You were pegging some other guy. I was covering it. For the media."

I asked to take her picture and she began to stand up.

"Don't stand up," I said. "You're perfect the way you are."

Vixen's eyes filled with love for Gram.

"That's great," she said, "because I did a DP this morning."

(These are the moments I cherish.)

Paul Thomas, unbowed by the rejection of the Billy Glide girls, had managed to score Hillary Scott to audition for his movie. Scott was put through her paces against a football stadium backdrop with a set of pom poms.

I talked with Stefani Morgan, who is playing the title role.


"Have you seen the original Debbie Does Dallas?" I asked. I have not.

"Yup. I even own it," she said. I told her about how at the AVN convention I asked 25 people if they had seen Deep Throat, or if they knew what it was, and how 23 of them didn't. She said she'd seen that, too.

Morgan had been leading the auditioners in cheer practice. Everyone loves her. I wish I'd remembered to tell her not to break Tommy Lee's heart, but I was clueless as to who she was until I just asked someone right now. It is I who am the fool.

As I made my way out, I saw jessica drake dressed all in white like a pornish reimagining of Boss Hogg.

"Only you remember to not capitalize my name," she did not say.


She was nice enough to pose beneath her giant poster. As was common on the few occasions this weekend when I had a good idea for a photo, a line formed behind me of guys with camera phones. I always felt bad at such moments because the person who had consented to my unorthodox photo was then stuck posing for a bunch of other people.

I asked Kirsten Price how many autographs she'd signed over the weekend.


"About a million," she said.

"Can you do sort of a 'love/hate relationship' pose with your Sharpie?" I asked, part of the problem.

"That's easy," she said.

· Erotica L.A. gallery

Previously: F.A.M.E.

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, June 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

MILFs are the new teens.

Recently I slipped the surly bonds of Porn Valley and headed north through the Newhall Pass to the home of Don Hollywood and Brooke Hunter. This is a part of the world that people who aren't from Los Angeles would not associate with the area (although a great deal of CHiPs was shot here).

Rob Spallone and Richard (de) Monfort were shooting MILF & Cookies, an important film about people's definitions of the term and the way society treats women of a certain age. At least that's how I like to think of it. For example, in one scene Ginger Lea needs to resort to trickery to get carnal satisfaction.

MILF & Cookies is a pretty good title in the rapidly-diminishing arena of possible MILF movie titles. Others might include:

The MILF of Human Kindness
Land of MILF and Honey Dip
The Grapes of MILF
MILF And Let Die
Tout Les Matins de la MILF
Damien: Omen MILF
SuperMILF Returns
MILF Howser: MD
MILF Intolerant
This MILF Is Haunted

I have been at a crossroads recently about whether I should just accept that which I cannot change and stop bitching that most MILF movies don't have actual mothers in them, in the same way that I have reconciled myself to the fact that baby squash isn't made from real babies.


So at this MILF movie I met the intriguing Mia Knight, 26.

"What is a MILF?"

"Well, technically, you can be a mom as soon as you have your period, so it can be anyone over 13."

"Well, yes, but doesn't MILF mean 'Mom I'd Like to Fuck'?"

"Yes," she said.

"And are you a mom?"

"No."

Knight comes from Fairfax County, VA, and has a low, clear. non-porny voice. She does not have an accent.

"There's no one from that part of the world with a Southern accent because they're all diplomats," she said.

That was the area where the JM lawsuit came from.

"The MILFHunter website listed me as 36 years old," she said, validating my feeling that if MILFs didn't exist, we would create them.

In the other room Ginger Lea tapped her thoughts into a laptop as part of her scene. "My personal trainer is coming today," she said aloud. "I'm going to give him more than exercise - pardon the pun."

Her trainer (Seth Dickens) arrived and proceeded to direct her to do jumping jacks in her heels.

"Mind if I take off my top?" she asked.

"Er," he said. Then she did more exercises.

"Mind if I take off my bottoms? Sorry. It's really hot," she explained.

"OK," he said. (As her trainer, he was her employee.)

When the blowjob happened (to him, not me), Dickens said (to her, not me), "I am going to fuck you so hard."

It revealed the way we expect things to happen in porn. Everything starts with a blowjob but never ends there. It is expected that the blowjob is only a transition. In real life, for example when I go to the DMV later, the blowjob is the culmination of the transaction.

But what does this say about MILFs?

Nothing. It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.


As I had, just the day before, gone to yet another MILF shoot (for SLLABWurks) featuring women who had not undergone childbirth, I have determined that the term MILF is going to remain elastic, much unlike a vagina.

In the future, every porn actress will be a MILF.

· Trophy Wives and MILF & Cookies gallery

Previously: Some dummy; MILFs, GILFs, and FILFs
See also: VCA, SLLABWurks

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, June 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

The first annual F.A.M.E. awards - and I hope there will be a second - took place over about 40 minutes at this weekend's Erotica L.A.

The awards capped two months of pre-nominations, wild cards, write-ins, and voting in a web-based process chock full of checks and balances that was monitored by each of the sponsoring companies: Adam & Eve, WantedList, AVN, and Genesis Magazine.

While it may have been possible that some of the awards were massaged (it looks like Jenna Jameson might be retiring this year, and she picked up both Best Body and Best Actress), there was a great effort made in the past two months to underline the transparency of the fans' involvement in the voting process.

The winners were:

Oral Starlet: Carmen Luvana
Anal Starlet: Taylor Rain
Best Breasts: Stormy Daniels
Best Butt: Jenna Haze
Adult Actress: Jenna Jameson
Adult Actor: Ron Jeremy
Rookie Starlet: Alektra Blue and Brandy Talore
Best Body: Jenna Jameson
Feature Movie: Digital Playground's and Adam & Eve's Pirates
Gonzo Movie: Evil Angel's Belladonna: No Warning
Director: Jules Jordan
Porn’s Dirtiest Girl: Taryn Thomas

A certain amount of grumbling attends any awards show (Crash, McKenzie Lee), but there were only two complaints I heard about the F.A.M.E. awards, which were otherwise short and sweet.

One was Jenna Haze's award. "She doesn't even have an ass," fumed FreePornStarPix' Tara.

"It's just the way it changes/Like the shoreline to the sea," I said.


The other concerned the host, a middle-aged Howard Stern protege named "Reverend" Bob Levy.

Levy was added to the show a few weeks after it was announced that Carmen Luvana and Tommy Gunn would be hosting.

The adult awards show model, as created by AVN, requires a C-list mainstream host. For a moment it seemed like F.A.M.E. organizers would spare fans the often awkward and repetitive jokes of a porn sniffer who had been flown in to bring his B game in the very mistaken expectation that the presence of even the lowest-rent mainstream personality would add credibility to the adult world.

(But they didn't.)

I met Levy briefly prior to the show and he seemed pleasant.

Once he got to the stage, however, Levy took the easy way out. He mixed outright abuse with a tired but aggressive and backhanded affection for the porn stars he was compensated to pay tribute to.

This is how his jokes went:

"I love you, Ron Jeremy (abuse, fat jokes, hair jokes, abuse). I love you."

Granted, Jeremy hears this shit every day of his life, and part of his survival is that his own shtick involves a heavy dose of self-deprecation. But if it is well-known that Jeremy does it already, so why steal his act?

"I love you (blonde porn star) (I want to blow a load in my sock). I love you."

Again, as Levy himself said (ripping off every comedian I've seen at an adult function), "everybody masturbates". The porn stars know it, they know that is how they earn their money, they know that is why thousands of fans paid 60 bucks each to show up to Erotica L.A. At a certain point wouldn't it be a little more interesting to not hear about blowing loads into a sock?

But it was Levy's treatment of civilians that shocked me personally.

Of an older man in the audience:

"Look at that creepy bastard. He probably jerks off and dust comes out."

Of someone with glasses (more than once):

(and this one was close to my heart):

"Look at this creepy guy. I bet you eat your own ass. Do you burn ants with those glasses?"

When he accused an LAPD cop of gunpoint rape I thought it would be a good idea to leave.

It turns out that a cop did look for Levy after the show to ask him about the prudence and comic worthiness of randomly accusing a uniformed officer of rape, but Levy could not be found.

There were all manner of people at the convention in all shapes and sizes. Everyone let everyone else be. I question the self-esteem of an industry that continually thinks itself deserving of ringers who show up to artlessly insult it.

I love you, Bob Levy (unfunny hack). I love you.

So I think porn awards shows should be left to adult personalities or, at the least, hosted by someone like Kathy Griffin or Paul F. Tompkins who might conceivably talk about something else.


Best quotes of the show:

"I'd like to thank the fans and I'd like to thank Playboy for buying ClubJenna. Now I'm going shopping." - Jenna Jameson

"I'd like to thank my plastic surgeon." - Stormy Daniels, on her Best Breasts

"I love getting up in the morning." - Tommy Gunn

· Erotica L.A. 2006 gallery

Previously: Bob Levy to host FAME; Carmen Luvana to host FAME awards
See also: Adam & Eve, WantedList, AVN, FAME

posted by Gram the Man at Sunday, June 25, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

When one is a MILF, or cast in a MILF movie, it can be assumed that one has lived more and experienced more than many.

MILF movies are how the adult community rewards the wise.

I talked with Cheyenne Hunter and her partner Antonio Benderass on the set of Frank Castle's Trophy Wives 2 for the fledgling company SLLABWurks.

We were sitting in the bar of a Woodland Hills house that, as I walked up the driveway, made me think: "swingers".

Indeed the house had all sorts of swinger-friendly amenities and is often used in that community's arcane and blasphemous rites. I walked across the low-pile carpeting and sat for several inches on a comfortably deflating barstool.

This is the noise it made as I sat down:

Tssssssssssssssssss fffffffffffffffff (OOT).

Whenever I'd readjust my massive frame, the stool responded thusly:

Tssssssssssssssssss fffffffffffffffff (oot).

Upstairs, three men were going to work on Chelsea Zinn. It was the sweatiest scene I had ever witnessed, and was very convivial (related article: fleshbot). Downstairs, Hunter was getting her makeup done and I talked with Benderass at the bar.

Hunter's role in this movie was to be fucked by three guys on or around a pool table. Her motivation, director Castle said, was that she "always wanted to learn pool". Originally, Hunter was to play the part being interpreted by Zinn upstairs, that of a real estate agent in the right place with the right three guys, but it was not to be.


Hunter grew up in Salem, NH by Rockingham Park. She now owns property in Laconia, NH, home of the infamous Bike Week (like a Laughlin River Run with fewer stabbings).

"I ride a little Fat Boy," she said.

I, of course, reminded her that:

"I was coming back from a motorcycle classic in Sturgis, South Dakota, on my motorcycle on U.S. Highway 14. Just outside Spotted Horse, I ran into a deer. I had no chance. Even though the highway people had mowed the sides, they couldn't mow around the culverts, and the doe jumped right in front of the bike. I had a chance to say one word, "Fuck!", and then I hit it. I know this: If a bullet has my name on it, I won't be calling for my mother. But the only reason I'm alive and telling this story, is because of the big FL front end and that solid tire on my Fat Boy."

Hunter has been a spokesmodel for Arctic Cat and, when time permits, also likes to go grass dragging, which is riding a snowmobile over wet grass. She has snowmobiled through New Hampshire and Canada. She has also been a Budweiser Girl.

"Did you work with the Clydesdales?" I asked.

"Yeah. But it's weird: the companies that you do promotions for just want you to be sexy in a swimsuit, but they don't want you to be too sexy."

"So they want the porn star/stripper but you'd better not act like one?"

"Yes."

Hunter has a perfect La Toya Jackson nose and a body that would restore the Old Man in the Mountain to his original firmness.

I asked Benderass what their life was like.

"We're out here for three or four months," he said, then he deatiled a year that involved strip club dates up and down the east coast and in South Dakota "for two overlapping hunting seasons - deer and duck", dropping off non-essential items at their house near Nashville, going to Laconia for a couple of weeks to do taxes ("it's not a vacation," he said), and winding up back in the west for the AVN convention in January.

"So you live out of suitcases?"

"Yeah. And we drive everywhere." He pointed to their truck, filled with stripper gear, and told me how much it would cost to get all that stuff on a plane.


Benderass would be one of the three guys working with Hunter in the billiard scene, along with Johnnie Cobalt and Todd Driller. I asked Benderass if there were ever jealousy issues.

"Yeah, but we've been together about six years, on and off. And I just started working in scenes last year. I thought, 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em', andf it has really helped us bond more."

I don't know if I could do that, but mostly because I'd be scared my partner would ask me to move to Nashua.

There are porn girls who are all natural and who make innocents like Paul A. Johnson quiver with a puppy-like spooning urge. Then there are women like Hunter and Carmen Luvana who are machine-toned and built Ford tough, honed by years of pole dancing to be perfect sex engines.


Hunter struck a couple of poses on the pool table and then proceeded to curl herself in a ball and then stand on her hands. In the room, people gasped. Some merely ate doughnuts. She was a pro.

I tried to imagine that kind of life on the road.

"You can buy a brand new house outside of Nashville for $147,000," Benderass said. "2000 square feet, jacuzzi, wraparound deck. Two-car garage with 900 square feet of space above it. What could you get out here for that money?"

"Meth lab," someone said.

"Really good blowjob," someone said.

Trophy Wives 1-3 are spec movies and will be available soon.

· Trophy Wives and MILF & Cookies gallery

Previously: Tera runs with motorcycle gang; The New Neighbors
See also: SLLABWurks

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, June 23, 2006 | 1 Comments Links to this post

I met Lexi Bardot on the set of Vivid-steve's ReBelle Rousers. Her harsh, knife-wielding demeanor and sensible cardigan shrug did little to make her accessible in the way Gram's America demands.

Then she sent the picture below and all was well.


For reasons unexplained (but probably due to her penchant for violence), she will be signing with the New Breed Wrestling Association this weekend at Erotica LA.

Her website will be re-launched soon.

Previously: Kimberly Kane - just because; Ashley Brooks - just because
See also: Lexi Bardot

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, June 22, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Entice.tv will be at Erotica LA this weekend and is presenting a Wicked promotion by which you can get a t-shirt signed by the Wicked contract performer whose butt appears to the left with the purchase of a Wicked channel.

Entice has upgraded to an entirely pay-per-view model from a subscription service. This means that the Entice proprietary application is now free, and users only pay for what will be played on their computer or television.

The abandoned subscription service had an exclusive country club feel and, as you know, my people (porn journalists) are often excluded from such venues, so the new way fits better.

It operates like a broadband-enabled Holodeck on which you can view video channels at a much higher quality than traditional VOD, Google, AOL, or, alas, YouTube.

Because I only care about myself, I asked the engineers if I could log on to my Entice account from any PC. The answer is No. The Entice world nests in 20 GB of your hard drive but is not a corrupting influence on other functions and applications (like, say, AOL).

"You need to make a commitment to your PC and stop being so emotionally inaccessible, Grams," they said (they're from San Francisco).

Previously: Your porn, crisply
See also: Entice.tv, Wicked

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, June 22, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Hustler contract girls Memphis Monroe and Mya Luanna will be appearing on KSEX Radio this evening from 7:30-9 PST with host Wankus.

Last night, Luanna and Monroe appeared together on HustlerLive.

The way Hustler quotes Luanna in their press release for tonight's event, she sounds retarded.

"When asked if she was excited about her Hustler Live and KSEX appearances with Memphis, Mya giggled, 'I am excited to kiss her and play with her!'"

No matter what, we would be happy to tell her about the rabbits.

Previously: Derby Day for Memphis Monroe; Adult industry spared; What makes boobs real?
See also: KSEXRadio

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, June 21, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post