| --Wednesday, May 31, 2006--
Gag Order Factor: JM indicted for obscenity
 JM Productions, its owner, Jeff Steward, and a distributor, Five Star Video, were slapped with a seven-count obscenity indictment on May 23 for "knowingly" transporting DVDs or digital content judged to be obscene to an area of the country, Northern Virginia, that has not been traditionally porn-restrictive.
The videos were two Gag Factors, an American Bukkake, and a Filthy Things.
Before porn could be delivered digitally, via web streaming, download, and VOD, companies needed to be aware of interstate restrictions and not send certain content to certain places.
One DVD clearinghouse notes "a history of obscenity prosecutions" in various locations and will not send material to zip codes in places like northern Florida, several cities in Texas, Cincinnati, and the whole of Utah. But Northern Virginia is not on that list.
"I have seen counties added to the Do Not Send list, but I haven't seen any come off," a representative of another adult DVD retailer (and a Five Star competitor), said.
The rep noted that Adult DVD Empire, which was the unnamed distributor in Extreme's indictment a few years ago and is considered by many to be the most cautious adult e-tailer, did not have Northern Virginia on its Do Not Send list, either.
Various companies have thousands of zip codes they will not ship to but, similar to Adam & Eve's practice, the zips are not publicized, so consumers would only be told at the point of purchase or by a customer service representative that their area was off limits.
Northern Virginia was not on Five Star's radar, either, despite the "knowingly" verbiage in the indictment.
"My suspicion is that the Feds chose a place that hadn't had an obscenity prosecution previously," the competitor's employee said. "so no one would be blocking it."
I am reminded of Mark Twain's book "Life on the Mississippi", which talks about the challenges faced by riverboat captains. The mud deposits on the riverbottom shifted so rapidly that the waterway was different each day.
"The terrain does seem to change constantly and no one really knows the rules - because, in reality, there are none," she added.
I talked with a JM employee who, naturally, was not at liberty to say too much.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"There's nothing bad happening here," he said.
That reminded me of another high school book, "The Diary of Anne Frank":
Anne’s sister, Margot, died of typhus at the end of February (or the beginning of March), after having been critically ill and in a coma for days. Anne was already sick at the time, and she was not informed about her sister’s death. After a few days, however, Anne sensed what had happened, and soon afterward, she herself died, peacefully, feeling that nothing bad was happening to her, shortly before the camp was liberated by the Allies. Who are the Allies?
See also: JM Productions Indicted on Federal Obscenity Chgarges (AVN), JM Productions
posted by Gram the Man
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High-Def men
 As you know, GramPonante.com: Porn Valley Observed is your one-stop shop for all things gay, from pegging to trannies to men who get calf implants.
Q. But none of those things is gay.
A. Allrighty.
Anyway, Entice.tv has same-sex partnered with San Francisco's Oh Man! Studios to roll out the first gay hardcore high-definition movie, Behind the Secret Door, which answers the question:
Q. What can be more secret than a secret door?
A. Whatever is behind the secret door (I'm assuming it's overstock secret stuff that couldn't fit in the secret room).
Behind the Secret Door, the first gay production shot, edited, mastered and distributed in HD on Entice.TV, revolves around the debauched goings-on in a house of carnal pleasure. Directed by Oh Man! Studio President Bruno Riccelli, the title features Ben Campezi, Brady Martin, Branden Star, Danny Lopez, Dillon Press, John Marcus, Mark Galfione, Matthew, Nick Capra, Brad Benton and Ty Hudson. True story: yesterday I was going to an appointment in West Hollywood, a traditionally gay area of Los Angeles County. As I walked past the Tomkat Theatre, one of the only gay moviehouses in Southern California, a man approached me.
"Do you want to see a movie?" he asked me. The sun was in my eyes and I didn't notice I was near the Tomkat, but I knew enough to be wary of anything Other than myself.
"No thank you," I said.
"I just like having someone to talk to sometimes," he said as I walked past. It was then that I noticed where I was.
"He thought I was gay," I thought, which resulted in my remembering another true story:
When I was younger I visited pre-Katrina New Orleans for the first time. I sat by the banks of the mighty Mississip. A man walked up to me.
"Would you like a blowjob?" he asked.
"No," I replied, and added: "I'm not gay."
"You don't have to be gay to want a blowjob," he said, and that quote is way up there with my personal Truer Words Were Never Spoken list.
Regardless, I chose to not accept the Universal BJ that evening.
"A mouth is a mouth," my wife later said.
"Allrighty," I said.
Among my many personal prejudices is that gay men tend to look much better than straight men, so if a gay man thinks you're gay, it's a compliment. Either that or the gay man hates himself and wants to debase himself on you.
So imagine, Horrified Gay Readers, how exquisite HD Gayness will look.
Previously: I will be your father figure
See also: Entice.tv
posted by Gram the Man
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She shall be Devon (or shall she?)
 A reader asks:
Grams, is Devon still with Digital Playground? Between reports of escorting and passing the dutchie, along with the common porn star problem of bogus MySpace accounts, it is difficult finding the real story, much less The Real Devon.
I asked Digital Playground's Anal Load Lee.
"Devon is not with us. And we didn't keep her name," she said.
An entry on a site that looks like it might have been written by Devon (or our President) reads:
Hey0 whats up!!!!!!!! Man ive been goin through so much stuff lately over people trying to have a piece of me but fuck them. haha. they need to start smoking weed the way i see it. First off i want you all to know if i ever dissapear and you know what i mean, its cuz of my x company. Enough money can make someone not exist besides a stage name. Past that my head is up like always just more motivated. Whoever the fuck you are sending death messages to me and my fiance's private emails have fun getting payed. Here's the whole truth though. As of right now our current investor pulled out of our project becasue i can't use the name devon so they never believed in me personally anyway then. move on:) This shit is still happening but im layin low underground for a bit but wanted to say hi to all my fans. Smoke a bowl for me cuz ive been rippin them for you. On a good note today is sunny and beautiful so thats whats best:)!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is wakeboarding and after that im suppose to learn how to skateboard at this local skatepark. haha. i bet im gonna break my arm or something. lol. Anyway i gotta bounce out of the area for a bit but love you all and catch ya on the flip side. Even if it sounds like im bummed and being negative its nothing like that. I finally see this horrible industry from the outside after kiicking it with tons of cool people away from porn. My email is full of people saying lets boycott digital playground so thats sounds fun to me. haha. real fun!!! oh yeah i saw some funny shit today. i was hanging out by the local taco truck getting some quesadillas and some random bum guy got thrown out of the back of a vans beat up to hell so i gave him my pack of cig's cuz he needed it!!! he wasn't allowed to tell me what happened but we offered him the couch for the night so tonight we might be smoking some fat bowls with this cool homeless guy. haha i love kickin it with everyone. if anyone has every heard the atmosphere song -angelface that song is tight. the most random people in the world can make your day flip from bad to the best day ever!!!!!!!!!!!! never make fun of someone homeless because you should ask them thier story instead:) anyway i just smoked a blunt and and gonna go rip my roor. lates everyone. XOXO Kristie I don't know what's real anymore. One thing is for certain: if "Kristie"'s entry is true, I am going to their neighborhood to impersonate a homeless person. It seems like a really good way to get drugs.
Previously: Devon Escortique; How I saved Digital Playground
posted by Gram the Man
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Diver Down
 While it has yet to be confirmed if there will actually be mid-air penetrations, Platinum Blue is searching for "extreme sexual athletes" to audition for its skydiving air-porn, not tentatively titled United 69.
"To match that sort of adrenaline with sex," Producer Skye Blue said of the scheduled shoot in the desert around Taft, CA, "for someone like Voodoo, for example, to land after falling 150 miles per hour, whip his dick out, and get a blowjob from a woman who landed right behind him is much more thrilling than a donkey punch."
Skye Blue is herself an acccomplished jumper, but sources within the studio, which has advertised for three men and three women to jump from a plane, say that whether or not the cast gains admittance to the Mile High (but Falling) Club depends on their jump skills.
“This isn’t just for experienced jumpers. I’m looking for people that
are confident, willing to try something new and willing to bring
something to the table. What is really important is that each person
involved is a team player and committed to helping the movie succeed,”
Blue adds.
If you are ready to take the jump, come down to the Platinum Blue
offices, Tuesday between 11am and 2pm. “This is going to be an extremely
fun and exhilarating shoot for everyone involved,” Blue promises.
For more information on the casting call, contact Robert Laddaga at
818-998-0900, or by email to robert@platinumblueproductions.com or
skye@platinumblueproductions.com. If it is just to be a nude jump, will the male performers get a little help beforehand? Flying through the air can be a retractile experience.
UPDATE: "There will be no airborne fucking," said Platinum Blue publicist Jay Moyes. "Nudity yes, but at over 150 miles an hour and with only 30 seconds to a minute to open the parachute, it gives a whole new meaning to the term performance anxiety."
Platinum Blue has been Parachute-Only since 2005.
Previously: Miamateurs; Fantasies: this time they're forbidden
See also: Platinum Blue , Come on, Dave; Give me a break
posted by Gram the Man
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Have a cigar
 As anyone who knows me knows, I am big into Vishnu. I admire the multi-armed Hindu deity for its can-do attitude, no-nonsense pants, and joie de vivre.
At first I thought Vishnu was helming Digital Playground's point-of-view release Pulse because I'd concluded that only the darling of 1.2 billion Indians could talk, fuck, and run camera at the same time. Then I discovered differently, learning that there had been a combined effort.
Read the review here.
This movie has nothing to with Pink Floyd, though all the blowjobs draw heavily on the writings of Syd Barrett.
Previously: Lanny Barby in a bodybag; Teagan: "More in the ass."
See also: Digital Playground, Robby D.
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, May 30, 2006--
Kimberly Kane - just because
The set photographer was working hard.
"Could you smile?" he asked Kimberly Kane as he put her through several uncomfortable poses, including this one, which I like to call Christmas at Gram's Place.
"Smiling's not the sort of thing I do," she said.
Previously: Mikayla; The Fever for the flavor of a skater
See also: Adam & Eve
posted by Gram the Man
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Going throttle up with Chasey Lain
 The artist Ann Jones, unlike Edward Gorey and James Thurber, should have never picked up a pen. For her exhibition "Chasey in Wonderland", her ultra-wordy justification of superimposing paintings of Chasey Lain over images of acts of terrorism and destruction almost derail the effect of the art. If there is any.
Do we terrorize the islamic world with our liberality? Is Porno our form of counter-terror? Who knows. If it would be though, is the one as much fun as the other? Probably not.
(…)
(I didn't add the "(...)")
Here is my thoughtful depiction of Brianna Love, Briana Banks, and Rita Faltoyano at the Fall of Saigon, 1975. Check it out! I'm an artist! I will be out the rest of the day applying for grants and stuff.
Previously: Joe Gallant: "The machinery is weird"; Mary Carey hosts a happening
See also: Ann Jones, Fleshbot post
posted by Gram the Man
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Housing glut
 Are property values high in neighborhoods in which there is both a House of Ass and a House of Anal? How about where Desperate Wives live next to Desperate Housewhores?
Defiance Films has released Cindy Crawford's House of Anal. While, aside from the posterior focus, I cannot imagine it is very similar to Tristan "Gram doesn't understand pegging" Taormino's House of Ass, it does seem to capitalize on the name.
This is unfortunate, because I would classify House of Ass as a "feel-good romp" and House of Anal as a "light-hearted frolic". They don't appeal to the same audience. Either way, I wouldn't want to be the maid.
If porn companies can't name their films responsibly, we really need government regulation.
Previously: House of Ass review; Cock-rubbing fuckfest
See also: Defiance Films, Adam & Eve
posted by Gram the Man
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Queen for a A
 Teenage Anal Queen Codi is, like Marie Antoinette, young, attractive, and royal.
But is she truly happy? Does the tiara with matching belly ring make up for what Erica Jong did not call the Squeezeless Poo? What will she do when the anti-Anal Monarchists riot, as they did in Les Poopchutables?
Confessions of a Teenage Anal Queen also stars Sasha Knox, Samantha South, Amber Rayne, and Luna Croft
Previously: Sunny Lane a spinner by comparison; Intelligent Design; Butt Busters 2 review
See also: Lethal Hardcore, What I wish I had thought of first
posted by Gram the Man
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Pop smear
 "Cum-loving sluts suck, smear & swallow" trumpets the copy for Nicki Hunter's Cum Swallowers 3, and once again I am embarrassed to be confused by something that I guess should be obvious.
When does the smearing come in? I must know every cum-loving slut in this G-dforsaken Valley and at no time has one said to me "Grams, I wants to smear it."
Are the sluts supposed to swallow after the smearing? I guess that's what they'd have to do, right? If so, isn't it difficult to swallow what's been smeared? Do they put it on a bagel first?
This movie stars wee Jersey Jaxin, Nyomi Marcela, Sasha Knox, Trinity Post, and someone named Dasani Lezian.
Previously: Report: breasts popular; A Note on the type; Cum-drunk love
posted by Gram the Man
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--Sunday, May 28, 2006--
What makes boobs real?
The last time I was on KSEXRadio, which is an Internet radio station housed, for the time being, in a nondescript section of Burbank (which is a real achievement, because Burbank has won the Nondescript California title three years in a row, and to be in an even less-descript part of a nondescript town takes some doing, or doesn't), I had occasion to look over at some of the comments being directed my way by chat room participants, and they weren't flattering.
Granted, I was on a couch between Angie Stone and Cytherea, and they were both naked, while I was sitting there with my microphone in my hand. If I had paid KSEX' monthly fee and logged in to find me sitting between two squirtrices I suppose I would have a problem, too. I just wouldn't have typed in nasty things about my glasses. Instead, I would have accentuated the positive and asked Cytherea to squirt on the camera or something.
So it was with the feeling that I, sensitive and otherworldly, would get made fun of in this most looks-oriented of businesses that I went to see my pals Wankus and Pride of Saugus Tyler Faith, along with 2006 Penthouse Pet of the Year Jamie Lynn.
Tyler was under the weather. She'd had a headache all day and spent much of the time bundled up with her accessory dog, Italy. I was so happy that she'd not called in sick that I didn't say:
"You call that a dog?"
Tyler has two manufactured breasts that are as distinctive and well-loved as the Boston Gas tank off the Southeast Expressway. They are named Mutt and Jeff and she celebrates their birthday each year. People from Portland, Maine to its counterpart in Oregon have 8 x 10s of them in their lockers at the factory.
Jamie Lynn, born in Porn Valley's spiritual center of Northridge, has natural Ds.
I mentioned that the peer pressure to get fake boobs must have been overwhelming in Northridge.
"But why mess with these?" she asked.
I thought of how many bad boobjobs I have seen that could have been prevented with a question like that.
But I also admit that my thinking about fake boobs has changed in the past five years. I think because I'd had a relationship with someone who had some sloppy work done that I dismissed everyone with fakers. Now the fake boobs are part of the overall package (you know, like hair and nails, which are so very important to me).
So when Tyler Faith and Jamie Lynn sat together I didn't think "One of them has fake boobs and one of them has real boobs." Instead, I thought, "A person who wasn't in a loving and supportive relationship like myself would want to have sex all over those tits."
And then I remembered, with great satisfaction, "and so would my wife."
Penthouse isn't what it once was, Jamie Lynn onfirmed. With its bankruptcy, loss of market share, and its dubious connection to iBill, among other woes, the magazine is recovering from a lack of focus.
"They took out the dicks entirely, removed the pink, and now are trying to concentrate on hitting the 18-35 age group rather than putting in political articles like they used to," she said.
She added that now there is again active competition to be a Penthouse Pet, where for a while that honor wasn't something a model would necessarily seek out. Lynn showed me her Penthouse key, which was heavier and shinier than its predecessors.
Despite Penthouse and Playboy toning down their magazines and aiming at the FHM demographic, both companies have recently sought out porn stars. Playboy has embraced Jesse Jane and Kirsten Price, and Jamie Lynn herself appeared in Hustler and Elegant Angel videos before becoming a Pet.
It's always a pleasure hanging around with Tyler Faith, who talked about which Boston Bruins she's dated and who will be in that "My Bare Lady" reality special in which porn stars are given theatrical coaching for a play in London's West End. I hope they do MacBeth, because Tyler would be excellent in that:
I have given suck, and know
How tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me, Buddy:
I would, while it was smiling in my face,
Have plucked my wicked fuckin' hot nipple from his boneless gums
And dashed the brains out, had I so sworn as you
Have done this, ya Douche.
Towards the end of the evening, Chef Jeff, Kinzie Kenner's main squeeze and Elegant Angel's webmaster, came by. So it was Tyler, me, Jamie Lynn, and Jeff on the couch. It seemed like it was successful masturbation's version of a 7-10 split.
I had a great time. We sang the UnFAITHful Secrets theme song, and the chat room was so impressed with Faith and Lynn that it forgot too chastise me for not having breasts.
Previously: Report: Breasts popular; Girls that Love Girls w/Big Fake Tits; Sophia Santi and Heather Vandeven: AEE 2006
See also: KSEXRadio, Team Tyler, Jamie Lynn, Penthouse
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, May 26, 2006--
Barbecue on the rocks
I visited Daniel Dakota's production of Land of the Amazons last week, which was on a property that may or may not have once belonged to The Captain & Tennille.
Isn't even the possibility of that awesome??
I can guarantee that there was no muskrat love in this production, although there was a giant bug.
Here is a picture of Yvette Bova preparing the meal.
For a gallery, click here.
Previously: Mikayla, just because
See also: Adam & Eve
posted by Gram the Man
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Load v. Code
 In the battle I've manufactured between The Da Vinci Code and The Da Vinci Load, it is clear that the winner is the film whose dialogue is silly on purpose.
While people who have flocked to Code have not read the reviews (the jury is out on whether or not getting through the book on which it is based qualifies as "reading" in the same way swallowing a handful of lug nuts shouldn't count as eating), I have always liked the work of Paul Bettany, who plays the evil, misguided albino in the Hollywood version.
I like Paul Bettany because I am fond of saying, "Bettin' 'e sold his soul to the Devil for Jennifer Connelly," but that is not enough for me to see that movie.
The Da Vinci Load, on the other hand, legitimizes the awful book by creating such a creditable ripoff of it. I still think the boxcover is unfortunate, though.
Previously: Da Vinci ReLoaded; Da Vinci Load review
posted by Gram the Man
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Our Boobies, Ourselves
 While I am attracted to women who refer to their breasts as "boobs", I think it is a certain kind of person who calls them "boobies".
The enigmatic Simon Wolf has released Natural Big Bouncing Boobies, featuring Brandy Talore (pictured), Missy Monroe (with brown hair), Kelly Kline, Aspen Stevens, Lindsey Brooke, and Gianna.
Talore looks like she's saying, "I didn't like it when you called them boobies in eighth grade, and I don't like it now."
Previously: Hustler to Britney Rears: Cover your dirtypillows; Little Naturals; Kelly Madison: Why Titties?; Candice Von's left breast
See also: Simon Wolf
posted by Gram the Man
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Tyler Faith, Gram on KSEX tonight
 I will be joining Pride of Saugus Tyler Faith and Penthouse Pet Jamie Lynn on KSEXRadio's Wanker Show, hosted by Wankus, this evening at 7 PST.
Doubtless we will talk about grooming, the Guccione family, the Blue Line station at Orient Heights, the lack of quality clam shacks out here, how Wankus is being framed for this YouTube madness, and how Internet radio is all about drinking.
Either that or I will move to one side of the couch while they rub their boobs together and say things like, "Oooooh, mah pu-say-ee-ow."
Previously: Faith's fuckin' healin' hands; UnFAITHful Secrets
See also: KSEXRadio
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, May 25, 2006--
Chupa mi culo, robe mi colchon or: Pull My Daisy
Sativa Rose and Daisy Marie are hot Mexicanas.
Rose is from the state of Sinaloa and Marie, though she grew up in Salem, Oregon, spent a lot of time with family in Zacatecas, which is southwest of Sinaloa. The two got along great amidst the free dildos, leopard-print furniture, and heavy redness of the Video Secrets studio in Calabasas, where they met to frolic naked for The Great Internet Experiment.
"Calabasas is Spanish for 'pumpkins'," I repeated, just to hear myself talk.
"I am having my period," Sativa Rose said, but neither of us was in the same room.
I last saw a prostrate Sativa Rose in Digital Playground's Deeper.
"Yeah, that was weird," she said.
I had visited this studio last month for an Angie Savage/Crissy Moran pairing, and I was kind of waiting for a shoe to drop. Savage and Moran were great together, so I assumed tonight would be the night that the knives came out. It was statistically inevitable.
It would go like this:
"Hi, bitch. Nice ass."
"Thanks, bitch. Nice face."
"Oh no you didn't!"
Instead, Rose and Marie got along famously, and indulged their Internet callers with plenty of Spanish dirty talk, including the subject line.
The two handled various marital aids for the amusement of subscribers to the video feed. They practiced blowjobs on a dildo. Marie said she gave a lot of blowjobs in high school and liked pre-come.
"You sucked all the pre-come out of that dildo!" Rose said admiringly.
The Video Secrets studio has been undergoing some major renovations, no doubt paid for by the huge amounts of traffic I send them. There was a bed I remembered that was no longer there.
"We decided to throw that away," the web producer, Ciara, said. She estimated that about 500 women and men had performed straight and gay shows on or around that bed.
"If you used a black light on that mattress ... " she began, but abandoned the thought.
The company rented a dumpster during the renovation and threw the mattress in it. It was gone the next day.
"I can't imagine why someone would steal a mattress out of a dumpster behind an office building," she said. "I guess they didn't know what it had been used for."
I looked at the scrolling display of men on the computer screen, demanding Sativa Rose and/or Daisy Marie lick each other's butts.
"Or maybe they did," I suggested.
Sativa and Daisy laughed a lot. Young Paul A. Johnson of Larry Flynt's HustlerWorld picks the talent personally for these nights, which are known as HustlerLive. What will he do when he runs out of the sweet ones?
For a gallery of hot Sea of Cortez-adjacent action, click here.
Previously: Different Underpants: The Angie Savage & Crissy Moran Story; Swallow the yellow thick load; A day without porn immigrants; Carnaval en Ensenada
See also: HustlerLive, Video Secrets
posted by Gram the Man
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Oh no, there goes Milano, go go Blackzilla
 I would like to think that Shane Diesel, by all accounts a kind and thoughtful person, chafes a little at the idea of being known as Blackzilla.
"I am not a monster," he might say, absently swatting at airplanes and walking into the sea.
It's also difficult because Diesel already has a porn name. Is he now supposed to answer to both "Shane Diesel" and "Blackzilla" if spotted in the Anal aisle at Ralph's?
If you think Diesel's got it tough, though, consider poor Britney Rears. Now there's two of them, each of whom already has a porn name. But I've never met a meta porn star I didn't like.
Diesel, as Blackzilla, services five ladies, including thunderstruck Italia here, in My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla 3.
I wonder if Italia got it in the boot as well?
(I'm here all week.)
I can't tell if the husbands the "My" refers to are shown in the video, or if there is a special room for Weak Men.
Previously: Are you there, God? It's Me, Blackzilla; Go go Gojira, Dakota; The Hair down there
See also: Digital Sin, Blue Oyster Cult, Toho Studios
posted by Gram the Man
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Watch Me Cum digitally
 After easing the market into High-Definition broadband porn by coding features like Wicked's Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, Entice.tv is aiming directly at you, the unvarnished porn consumer who is offended by dialogue, interesting camera angles, and women who appear to have eaten recently by presenting Digital Sin's all-sex Watch Me Cum 3.
"The IPTV format is a perfect way to watch Blackzilla fuck my hot wife," one consumer said, adding, "My cuckolding is really thrown into sharp relief."
Previously: I will be your father figure
See also: Entice.tv, Digital Sin, Wicked Pictures
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, May 24, 2006--
Fiat Lux Kassidy
 I am the type of person Vivid Entertainment wants on its side. The struggling company, recognizing the slow diminishment of the blonde gene, needs America's Beloved Porn Journalist to lend it credibility before the natural resource upon which Big Porn makes its fortune dries up.
That is why I was not surprised when newly-minted Vivid Girl and Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, and Heliport Interior Designer Lux Kassidy invited me to her first-ever shoot, Lux's Life.
"Of course I will help out your marginalized outfit," I said.
"And could you invite Self-Hating Lew, too?" she asked.
I contacted Porn Journalism's Grand Old Man and told him the news.
"Tell me what the times are," he demanded. "I don't have much time today. Give me her number."
He did not even say thank you. Baptist Guilt.
I arrived at a house south of Ventura Blvd. in Encino yesterday afternoon. Encino was originally known as Los Encinos, or "The Oaks".
"I am an oak," I reminded myself, trying to reach my arms around my massive frame.
Kassidy was inside. She and I go way back. I met her boyfriend, the photographer Kaden, on the set of Elegant Angel's Squirtwoman 3. Together they manage a studio and loft space in downtown L.A. in which I became the World's Greatest Porn Director.
"I modeled before, high-end art nudes, so when I was at AVN this year I decided to take it to the next level," she said. She eventually met Vivid's Steve Hirsch and the two hammered out a deal for six movies a year and several personal appearances.
Lux's Life is her first porn movie and her scene on Monday with Samantha Ryan was the first time she touched another woman's vagina, offscreen or on.
This was hard to believe, but not because I didn't believe her. Is today's discerning porn audience really expected to accept a lesbian scene between two women who don't really love each other and who have never before shared the softball-playing fruits of their love?
"I've been friends with Samantha for a long time," Kassidy offered.
Well, OK.
I busted off a couple of shots. Lux was being all serious and badass, like her Twentynine Palms cell addresss would portend. "Could you please smile like a UCLA cheerleader?" I asked.
The house we were sitting in had been purchased exclusively for the purpose of shooting porn. There were views of southern Porn Valley, privacy from the neighbors via a hill and a retaining wall, a guest house, cable, Internet access, several bedrooms, an attached garage, a makeup room, and a gaudy chair shaped like a high-heeled shoe. The rental was $1850 a day.
I began to formulate an idea about housing the homeless in vacant porn locations when Missy Monroe walked in and my thoughts journeyed elsewhere.
I like Missy Monroe. A lot. There are those who don't. They are fools.
Missy was to play a punk rock chick (she changes her haircut every three months to confound consumers) in the movie, which was to be shot reality-style.
"I didn't know you were going to be here," she said.
"I didn't know you were going to be here," I breathed. Monroe has appeared in every porn movie ever invented, and she's not even 22. It doesn't matter if its Assphyxiated or a Pussy Party or a Vivid movie, she's in it.
Director B. Skow has been shooting Vivid's boxcovers for more than a decade and has been directing for about a year. He also recently launched Rockstar magazine, which he described as "sexier than Playboy". He caught me drinking the production's Kahlua and demanded I write a scene.
"You want a hit, give me an hour plus a pen and a pad," I said.
"You need an hour?" he asked.
"No, just a piece of paper," I replied, feeling a Margoldian wave of grandiosity wash over me. "I will create a scene so gorgeous that even the neighbors will get into the AVN Hall of Fame." (I knew that in this part of the Valley the neighbors probably already were in the AVN Hall of Fame.)
 Here is the scene:
Peter Garrett lookalike Christian is cooking at the barbie. Missy Monroe sits down.
Missy Monroe: Where's the punk rock party? I'm here for the punk rock party. That's why I'm sitting down. You know, for the punk rock party.
Christian: That was yesterday, baby. It's today now.
CHRISTIAN continues cooking.
MM: Are you a cook?
Christian: Yeah.
MM: I like food.
Christian: Oh really?
MM: Yeah. I like the way it tastes. I like to put it in my mouth.
Christian: Yeah?
MM: Do you know what else I like?
Christian: No, baby. What?
MM: To suck cock! I like sucking cock!
Christian: Well today's your lucky day, baby.
MM: Why's that?
Christian: Because I've got a cooler full of meat. In addition to my pants. Which are also full of meat.
The scene was executed flawlessly. Would that those hacks at Lincoln Center had realized my vision half as well? The cast and crew stopped shooting for a moment to reflect and to cry.
Missy Monroe and Lux Kasssidy are both 21. Missy, God bless her, has had so much traffic in her ass it should be staffed by the TSA. "Lux's first anal?" I asked.
"15 months," Monroe predicted. "By August 22, 2007. My 23rd birthday."
Later on, Kassidy did her second-ever porn scene with Chloe Dior, who was preparing by eating a McDonald's salad. Dior seemed like a nice person, but I couldn't stay.
"Lux," I asked before I left. "You realize that Girls-Only is a gateway drug. Do you think you might ever do guys or ... worse?"
"Well, I'm leaving my options open," she said. I didn't want to be indelicate and ask if she'd never been with a man before, either.
For a gallery, click here.
Previously: My Vivid visit
See also: Lux Kassidy, Vivid, Kaden Photography, a related Fleshbot article
posted by Gram the Man
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Rock the Cradle (of Love)
 Last night I was standing outside Porn Star Karaoke (nice job Wankus), talking to a guy whose name I've forgotten because I hadn't been drinking so I wasn't on my A game.
He was telling me about the porn actress Rose Petal and asked, "And guess what she doesn't do?"
"Anal," several people answered simultaneously.
It made me think of when I was working at UPS and a woman in the Small Sort said, "That bar had more zeros than Agawam."*
Anyway, Boxcover of the Week goes to Vamp Pictures' Babysitter Fantasies, featuring Emma Redd and Don Hollywood on the cover. It is rare that a boxcover is allowed to tell a story, but this one does. It says, "Injured on the job? Our attorneys can get YOU the money YOU deserve." (Hollywood is also an attorney.)
Also in the cast are Anal-avoidant Rose Petal, Brooke Hunter, and Nicole Moore.
*Teamsters and postal employees would also find that joke funny. At UPS, the management laughed so hard the coke fell out of our noses.
Previously: Felix Vicious: the things we put inside us; Skinny Bones
See also: Vamp Pictures
posted by Gram the Man
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Paola Rey's Central Station
 In Paola Rey's Brazilian Letters, Rey, not a tranny, responds to sexually adventurous letters from Brazilians and/or people who love them.
These scenarios are then acted out by the likes of Eva Angelina, Sativa Rose, Daisy Marie, Dana Vespoli, and Dominique D'Amore. There are no trannies.
This movie is not to be confused with the 1998 film Central Station, in which a Rio de Janeiro hustler pockets the letter-writing money given to her by illiterates (none of whom are trannies).
Both movies are sure to be cornerstones in Brazil's emerging non-Tranny cinema.
See the trailer here.
Previously: Tucker: a tran and his breasts; Trannies and the Constitution; Industry fearful of Brazil twink dominance;
See also: Defiance Films
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, May 23, 2006--
Slurpeez takes the safe route
 Jessica Jammer's sweet face and unfortunate porn name on the box of Sammy Slater's anal creampie epic Slurpeez is probably the hardest thing to swallow accept about this movie that, aside from First Amendment concerns, should probably not have been made.
"Only the true pervert can appreciate a movie where a guy cums inside a hot girl's ass and then the whore pushes it out into a glass and drinks it up," Slater said. "This is strictly for the hardcore degenerates out there."
Feh. "True pervert." Feh.
I would like Sin City's sales team to give me the name and address of each person who buys Slurpeez so I can travel outside a 100-ft. radius of such lightweights.
It might be that I'm just jealous every studio in town has rejected the terabyte of footage I've already shot of what will undoubtedly be seen as my masterpiece, Gram Ponante's Urine-Soaked Invalid Vixens Getting Dog Food Fucked Down their Throats by Disembodied Dwarf Cocks while Amputee Trannies Eat the Dog Food Shit through the Mesh Seats of the Wheelchairs the Parawhores Are Strapped in 2: Alt Throttle.
Slurpeez also stars Chelsie Rae, Samantha Silver, Haley Scott, and Britney Rears.
Previously: Gay for Double-A; Bait 4 something to 'bate 'bout; Smokin' Crack 2: The Sequel; Seymore Butts' Party Bus
See also: Sin City
posted by Gram the Man
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Evil on the Wane, Kane
 Speaking of wrestling and porn, Taylor Wane plays the childhood inspiration of poor caged Glen "Kane" Jacobs, wrestling's latest crossover star, in the new movie See No Evil. Her picture hangs outside of the tormented boy's cage.
The movie was directed by porn emigre Greg Dark and was executive-produced by World Wrestling Entertainment's Vince McMahon.
Previously: Suddenly suplexing Seka; JM makes wrestling look heterosexual; Brandi Wylde/Tylene Buck
See also: See No Evil
posted by Gram the Man
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Candidate-hopeful takes one in the face
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JM Productions, its owner, Jeff Steward, and a distributor, Five Star Video, were slapped with a seven-count obscenity indictment on May 23 for "knowingly" transporting DVDs or digital content judged to be obscene to an area of the country, Northern Virginia, that has not been traditionally porn-restrictive.
