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Friday, April 28, 2006
Crissy Moran and Angie Savage in different underpants
 Because I am a loose cannon, serve no master, roam the earth, and am a lone wolf, I would probably not be a good candidate to have my own webcam show.The digital cameras would roll, I would stare into the lens, say "Let's do this," and unload several quarts of GramChowder onto a horrified America within 30 seconds. Then I would leave. Angie Savage and Crissy Moran, who are professionals, took their time. The HustlerLive show they perpetrated last night from the VideoSecrets studio in Pumpkins was a measured affair with designated times for clothing, toys, and dinner. I first met Savage and her spiritual heavy metal husband, Devon, on the set of ReBelle Rousers, the photos of which I am legally bound not to show. Both are very nice. Savage, like Kelly Madison, only works with her spouse as male talent. "But for a special one-off event for my website, we are going to have a threesome with Ron Jeremy," she reported. "Usually threesomes involve another girl," it was noted. "Well, I want to make Devon squirm a little. I don't like those cut and shaved guys. Ron has a big gut and a hairy back." Note to self: get off Atkins. Savage and Moran spent several minutes extolling various Hustler ticklers, vibes, and floggers, opening the hard plastic packaging of each toy for the cameras. "This one is a little big," Savage said of a large purple dildo. "We're scared." The two worked together as believably as two people can in high heels on a small couch with three or four people pointing cameras at them. It's worth repeating that both were just so nice, like the hottest Montessori kindergarten teachers one could imagine. Moran said that she's been on other shoots where she's felt much more worldly than her scene partner. "I was paired with a 19-year-old and I think it was her first scene," she said. "I felt like I was molesting her." But Savage and Moran seemed well-matched for the tasks set before them, which were three interrupted hours of donning and doffing skimpy outfits, making out, and taking relayed voice commands from very respectful Internet fans. It was an entirely pleasant evening in a little office park way out on the 101, where the road signs might have read: Go Back to North Hollywood if You Want Skanks. See the gallery here. Previously: I am a camera See also: HustlerLive, VideoSecrets, Flirt4Free, Angie Savage, Crissy Moran ¶ Friday, April 28, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post  
In a Wet Room with black curtains at the station
 Cytherea, shot by the right person, is stunning.Michael Ninn has made a squirting movie with Cytherea, Angela Stone, and Missy Monroe called Wet Room. I bet when Ninn uses his considerable palette for something specific, the results are remarkable. Recent Ponante revisionist Jimmy D. has also shot Cytherea to great effect. Previously: Ninn to self-distribute in 2006; Catherine review; You ought to give Iowa a try; Can't. Fucking. Wait. See also: Wet Room trailer (scroll down below the boxcover photo) ¶ Friday, April 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Britney Rears: the definitive study
 As small liberal arts colleges throughout America have begun devoting fractions of their curricula to Britney Rears scholarship, the brain trust here at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, and Observatory is proud to contribute its findings on the life of the former Jessica Sweet.Included here is the original artwork for the Britney Rears 2 boxcover, deemed too - something - by Hustler and changed to a copy of its predecessor's cover with a "2" added. That the first movie featured Rears with a lollipop and the second one has no lollipops reflects the empty promises swallowed daily by our porn luminaries in this tear-streaked landscape of douche and regret. Also, the lollipops are different colors. I'm sure that means something. We have been informed that if there is to be a Britney Rears 3 that it will feature a different Britney. Might Britney be played by Priva? In any case, read this review of the swan song of Britney Rears, a sweet little movie.  Previously: Hustler to Rears: Cover your dirtypillows; Rears fingers her wet pussy while Rome burns See also: Hustler, Britney Rears ¶ Friday, April 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Private introduces world's first hybrid synergy porn star
 Private Media Group, the porn syndicate based in Barcelona, has jumped into the contract girl racket by engineering Priva, a Thai model who enjoys, according to press accounts, Thai food."Priva is 160 centimetres of petite porn star that is on a non-stop trip to the top," say Private scientists. "Originally from a rural village in Southern Thailand, Priva loves Thai food and BBQs, motorbikes, scuba diving and spending time with her family." Outdoing even Digital Playground, which trademarks porn names and last year created Sophia Santi out of the rib of Natalia Cruze, Private has given its star a name that will with luck remind porn consumers of the company she represents. It is like my breakfast cereal, Grampo, which I am at this moment enjoying at a trendy Hollywood eatery. Little is known about Priva other than our shared love of barbecues and how she and Jesse Jane dream of electric sheep. Previously: Robinson Crusoe on Sin Island See also: Private ¶ Friday, April 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Make make make you sweat
 I met Angie Savage and Crissy Moran in Pumpkins today. Calabasas is a different kind of place. An alien place. Did you know the dead walk the earth there, and that the Starbucks is several times bigger than others, and that residents don't have belly buttons, by law? I'll have more pictures tomorrow. ¶ Thursday, April 27, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Whither Steve Banan?
 Porn's greatest publicist has been silent recently. His Liberty Network site is down. Does anyone know what he's up to?Historian Wayne Hentai has sent along a classic Banan press release from 2002 which even then displayed all the attributes of the style that made Banan one of porn's giants: a love for Banan, Banan writing as another person about Banan, and liberal use of the Banan Stylebook. February 16, 2002 09:44amWhatever became of Crystal Meth, by the way? Perhaps only Steve Banan knows. UPDATE: A reader has an answer. "(Crystal Meth) robbed Steve and Nicole's house while they were out of town and went back to New York." Previously: All holes; Of every head he's had the pleasure to know; Nicole Moore goes streaming; ABC to Banan: "Give us your numbers in Sidney and Prog." ¶ Thursday, April 27, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Angie Savage to appear on the Internet
 California's own Angie Savage will be appearing on HustlerLive tomorrow with Crissy Moran."Crissy is a doll," Savage told me. Hustler and other companies trek out to the town of Calabasas (Spanish for Pumpkins) now and then to host webcam shows at the facilities of Video Secrets, which also runs the Flirt4Free program one can find in my links area. Any time you are on a website video-chatting with someone from Croatia, there is a good chance that website is piggybacking on Video Secrets' servers. You wonder why one publicist might serve the competing needs of several companies or why some companies handle the distribution of competitors? It all underscores the fact that there is only one person really making money in this business and that person is me. And Jenna Jameson. Savage and Moran will begin their cam show at 5 p.m. PST on HustlerLive.com, using toys, filthy talk, and each other for the next three hours. Previously: Naked Savage; ReBelle Rousers Preview; Meet Angie Savage (fleshbot) See also: HustlerLive ¶ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Ashley Brooks, just because
 I really was just looking at Ashley Brooks' face when this happened.(Thanks to the caller who corrected my spelling; at least I got the number of syllables right.) ¶ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Bob Levy to emcee FAME awards - update
 Following the news that Carmen Luvana and Tommy Gunn are to be co-hosts, organizers of the FAME awards have announced comedian "Reverend" Bob Levy as Master of Ceremonies.Why does an event that already has two hosts need a Master of Ceremonies? Because joke-telling wackiness is not what one associates with Carmen Luvana. Rather it is her overwhelming love for me and her ability to communicate that using sexual proxies on film. To force this gentle creature to say things like, "So how are you all doing tonight? Make some noise!" is to deny Luvana the very thing that makes her my girlfriend of three years: a lack of the inner conflict necessary to turn to comedy for a living. That is why Levy was added, at the risk of making FAME's format appear similar to the AVN show. Levy represents the fan side of the equation, and will fill time on stage when Luvana needs to powder, lube, and adjust. He will also warm up the audience. Levy has his own program on Sirius Radio. His porn emcee qualifications include eating bleu cheese dressing out of Tabitha Stevens' ass on Howard Stern's show. I have high hopes for the FAME awards and have sent international observers to make sure the voting remains legitimate. I have been told that several IP addresses have been scrubbed due to people attempting to double-cast votes. This is important to me because, like Fox Mulder, I want to believe. Previously: Carmen Luvana to host FAME awards See also: FAME Awards, Adam & Eve ¶ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Felix Vicious: the things we put inside us
 Let's start that over. Felix Vicious has a dildo on her shoe. In Vamp Pictures' Unusual Penetrations, the exciting and amiable Vicious experiments with various novelties, machines, and Gram-substitutes to fill the emptinesss inside. Joining her on her voyage of self-discovery are Malibu, Charlene Aspen, Carolyn Monroe, and Allyson Chains. I think this must be a very important movie. Previously: Felix Vicious and Justine Joli provide gratuitous nudity See also: Vamp Pictures ¶ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
FSC to miss point
 The Free Speech Coalition is dispatching crack communications director Tom Hymes to address a convention of nerd-panderers in San Francisco.The first annual Sex in Video Games Conference will focus on the design, development, and technology of sex in video games, with additional spotlight on business networking. Hymes will speak on the “Morals & Ethics & Sex & Games” panel, scheduled for Friday, June 9, at 3:15 p.m., one of about a dozen seminars addressing the business and cultural issues surrounding the controversial subject. Other seminars on the schedule include, “Pleasing the Player: What Emergent Sex Can Teach Developers”, “Sex, Law and the First Amendment”, and “Integrating the Adult & Game Markets”. Naturally, there is not a single seminar being offered on How to Meet Actual Women. The seminar is being sponsored by Washington-based Evergreen Events. Previously: FSC wants ghetto for .KIDS; The (Secondary) Producers; Sex workers protest Grand Theft Auto; First person shooter; World of Warcraft SEX! See also: Free Speech Coalition ¶ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Exotica, purple, and mesh
 One of the saddest things about getting older (I am now 19) is the realization that it is difficult to be unique.That is why stripper names are very important. I believe that every other strip club in America has a dancer named Exotica (one of whom is pictured here), in addition to a Jade, a Devon, and, more often than not in certain parts of the country, a Jugzilla. I could be wrong. This particular Exotica started a five-night run at Atlanta's Pink Pony on Monday and will be dancing at the Van Nuys Spearmint Rhino from May 4 to 6. "Any plans for a middle-America stopover in the intervening week?" I did not ask. "Dunno," Exotica did not reply. "Jugzilla's driving." The Latina Exotica is a small animal groomer in her spare time. I think we could really make something happen. Previously: Industrious Tera; Non-Arthur Brown-related world; You yell "shark" See also: Spicy Exotica; Memorable quotes from Exotica ¶ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Miamateurs
 As an amateur doctor, I am thrilled when I hear that others who are not classically trained in a profession begin practicing it.That is the basis of Platinum Blue's Miami Maidens 5, in which Floridians have sex. The only difference between "Pro-Am" and something like Barely Legal is production value, and perhaps the understanding that pro-am girls, who might be strippers (which is the number one occupation in Florida), are not going to appear in 35 movies a month and descend into the porn lifestyle of meth, dread, and stalking me. Pictured is a woman named Shauna Banks. She doesn't look like an amateur. For sticklers interested in actual pornfolk, the DVD extras of Miami Maidens 5 include a scene between Nick Manning and Shy Love. Previously: Jenna: "King (of Kings) Me"; Bogota girls son facil; Hookers, reality, suicide See also: Platinum Blue Productions ¶ Tuesday, April 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Carmella Bing checks herself
 Let's say I agreed to come over your house, alone, and DP you."But Gram," you might say, "wouldn't you need another person?" "No," I would say, brandishing my copy of the Warren Report. Carmella Bing, my friend from the high desert, is featured in this compilation called DP Wreckage, along with Audrey Hollander, Lauren Phoenix, and Mika Tan. I can't see what Bing has done to anyone that she would need to be "wrecked". That she is wearing what appears to be 10" heels but not standing up in them is hardly an excuse to wreck her, though judging from how close she got her right breast to the floor without touching, I bet she always gets the break in pool. Previously: Carmella Bing: a rack in the back; A face for numbers; Are we our boxcovers? See also: MaximumXposure ¶ Tuesday, April 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Pole Position 5: My cigarillo is precarious
 Lexington Steele threatens to drop ashes on the lens of his camera in his latest Point-of-View epic, Pole Position 5.Steele, a three-time AVN Performer of the Year, brushed aside concerns that pointing the camera at his own face when, with all due respect, there were other things to look at, was a bad idea. "My series is not intended to be viewed as an everyman's point of view," Steele said, "but it is the way I throw down with some of the best females in the business." When asked if he was out of touch with other men in the business, Steele did not reply, "God I hope so." Pole Position 5: Lex POV stars Nikki Grind, Gianna, Barbara Summer, Mysti May, and Sophie Dee. Previously: The face of Lex is missing; Oh Yes I would know; Autumn Bliss' point of goo See also: Lexington Steele ¶ Tuesday, April 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Free for all at Rouge
 L.A. Direct Models, in its regular showcase at Rouge: a Club for Gentlemen, usually employs themes in its presentations, like Latin Night, Blonde Night, or Adult Onset Diabetes Night.Tonight, however, is a potpourri of what the adult booking agency calls Up and Comers Night. Rio, Tyra Banxxx, Cindy Crawford, and Davia Ardell will appear, with the first dance beginning at 9 sharp. If one were to pay special attention to the flyer, one would notice that the mainstream celebrity soundalike names are kept in the middle and that they have the same haircut, that the people showing teeth are on the right, and that the more vampish starlets are off to either side. This is the same formula that was employed in Da Vinci's Last Supper. Previously: Study: Blondes popular; I shall wear the hem of my baby tee rolled See also: L.A. Direct Models, Rouge ¶ Tuesday, April 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, April 24, 2006
Tucker: a tran and his breasts
 In addition to my appearance in Jack's Playground 27, one of the most riveting cinematic images of the last two decades was Ted Levine's "tucking" sequence in 1991's The Silence of the Lambs.Colossal Pictures' new tranny line, He's My Girl, features some tucking of its own, as Brazilian shemales hide in the shade south of their personal equators. "If you want to find high-quality trannies, the places to go are Rio or Sao Paulo, Brazil," Michael Glaser, vice president of sales for Colossal Entertainment, said. "We've done very well with this category and it's because we give the fans of TS titles what they want: girls that are believable and passable, but with amazing packages." Adelphia is offering a package with Showtime and Starz next month, but I don't think it's the same thing. At least I hope it isn't. Previously: Rocco eats, Nacho breaks beats; Black Viking empties barrel on ladies; Trannies and the Constitution See also: Colossal ¶ Monday, April 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Strip Club Choppers: It doesn't get any classier than this
 Goddamn it, I need to start my own clothing line.I think I know what the formula is, too. It doesn't matter if the clothing is actually any good. All you need is a Kid Rock lookalike (or, in a pinch, Kid Rock) and a girl pulling her shirt up. Sprinkle liberally with people flipping the bird at the camera. I'm sure if the war in Iraq was sold this way, I would be totally on board. Launched in 2006, Strip Club Choppers is, according to its press material, one of America’s fastest growing parts, accessories, and clothing manufacturers. They also design promotional choppers. Should I dump my business cards and get a GramPonante.com promotional chopper? I will need a half-shirted porn babe to ride it with me and punch out my enemies because I will be too busy revving up and giving people the finger. Previously: Tera runs with motorcycle gang; Brittany Andrews to sell you; "Hello Angels..." See also: Strip Club Choppers, Mofo Wear ¶ Monday, April 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Barely Legal's spirit stick
 When I was growing up in Bombay Beach, our cheerleaders were plump and ravenous, full of biscuits and desire for your friend Gram. We called them The Decline of Egypt because they could never complete a pyramid.For the first time anywhere, Hustler explores the erotic possibilities of cheerleaders in Barely Legal #58, featuring the whippet-thin Courtney Simpson, from whom every ounce of body fat has been shamed and banished. On dismounts of over five feet, Simpson simply slices through dirt molecules and winds up in the center of the earth. "Last time I got magma on me," she did not say. Barely Legal #58 also stars Denise K., Keeani Lei, Nadia Styles, and Angela Stone. Previously: You gotta havce faith in your Tyler; Charlotte Stokely speaks in tongues See also: Hustler ¶ Monday, April 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Jenna: "King (of Kings) Me."
 Jenna Jameson's image recently appeared in a checkers game in Florida, prompting Mary, Mother of God, to quip, "Why do I only get tacos?"The 2021-Year-Old Virgin has had difficulty distributing her image, often settling for clamshell fountains, burritos, or steam patterns on institutional windows. "If My Son only worked half as hard as Jay Grdina, I'd at least have a ReganBooks deal by now," bitterly observed the Holy Grail from the condensation on a caipirinha glass in Petropolis, Brazil. Jameson, a nude image of whom turned up in several deluxe checkers games at a Winn-Dixie in DeLand, Florida, said she was "offended and very upset" that her picture, licensed for an adult-oriented key chain, was included in a product meant for children. “While it appears that the use of my image was inadvertent," Jameson said, "this was a serious mistake and I want to personally apologize to families that have been affected." Promotions Unlimited Corp. imported the game from China and placed blame for the error solidly with the teeming factory workers there. The Catholic Church has approached the factory to secure placement of the Virgin Mary in higher-end products like those peg games you find at Cracker Barrel. Following her visitation in DeLand, Jameson will be materializing to devotees at June's Exxxotica Miami show. Previously: Jenna: dreams coming true at an alarming rate; Virtual (protected) Sex See also: Jenna "offended and very upset..." (ynot); ClubJenna ¶ Monday, April 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Fixin' to Vixen
 During my recent convalescence I read an excellent article on Werner Herzog in April 22's New Yorker. At around the same time I spoke with Atomic Vixens director Ron Royster as he was making his way by car toward El Paso.Read the New Yorker article, and then you will understand why I had every reason to believe Royster was going to dip below the border and never be seen again. (Royster is fine and back in North Carolina now.) Read the Atomic Vixens review here. Previously: Royster to Los Angeles: I'm a fool to do your dirty work; Rikki don't lose that Royster (fleshbot); Texas' Asshole Massacre (just because) See also: VCA, Eroticist Films ¶ Monday, April 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Suddenly suplexing Seka
 Seka, Roy Karch, Christy Canyon, and Taylor Wane spoke candidly about balls on Playboy Radio the other night.The Playboy studio is tastefully located between the Forest Lawn Cemetery (final resting place of L. Frank Baum) and the San Fernando Road McDonald's. The complex houses a radio studio as well as a small soundstage and audience area for the TV version of Night Calls. Everyone on staff at the studio was very respectful and deferential to me, making sure to confirm that my turnoffs weren't actually turn-ons and vice versa. "I just want to help people," I kept repeating. "I'm very sexual." I was to watch both a radio taping and a TV taping of Night Calls, which are completely different shows. The former is a loose three-hour chat show that is hosted on Sirius and the latter is like "The Man Show" with the men removed and replaced by more trampoline segments. Jesse Jane hosts. Taylor Wane sat in for Ginger Lynn on Playboy Radio, co-hosting Night Calls with Christy Canyon. The guests were director Roy Karch and Seka. Karch directed Seka a quarter century ago and directed Canyon through the eighties. "Roy was well-known for eating out his female talent before they did a scene," Canyon said. "I needed to get them in the right frame of mind," Karch replied. "I'm a giving person." The women then had a conversation about shaved balls, but I couldn't follow it. Seka has not made a studio movie in 15 years, she said, but still updates content on her website. With a light Virginia accent, a sensible sleeveless top, and cropped platinum hair, Seka is still unmistakeably a porn star. Lately she has been hanging out with wrestlers. "I'll be appearing at Wrestling Reunion in New Jersey with Captain Lou Albano and the Iron Sheik," she reported. "We travel in the same circles, Seka," I said. It was a pleasure listening to Canyon, Karch, and Seka talk about the old times, especially as all three are still very involved in the business.  "The first time I saw you I was star-struck," Canyon said to Seka. "That was in 1982. You looked me over, turned on your heel and walked away.""I might have been a little different then," Seka replied. Conversation moved easily between Wane's effect on gay men to Karch's pre-show cunnilinguistics. "Do you still do that to your talent?" asked Wane, who has not worked with Karch. "No, I just play harmonica now," he replied, "but I'm still very oral." The show didn't leave the aftertaste of a nostalgia tour (like the recent pairing of Def Leppard and Bryan Adams at the Fresno Grizzlies' AA baseball stadium) because the three veterans involved are still in the game. I walked over to the TV studio, where I proceeded to get a series of blurry and conceptual shots of Jesse Jane, Kirsten Price, and vagina-toting female-to-male performer Buck Angel. Jane is our nation's most telegenic porn performer, but I think that lately her on-air performance classes must be over-emphasizing elocution. "How do you like someone to eat your pussy?" asked Jane of Lacie Heart, but pronounced the last word pu-SEE-ah-ee-o. "I like it when people lick the alphabet," Heart replied. "Who knew eating puseeaheeo could be educatiaheenaeeal?" Jane quipped. I left when it became clear I wasn't going to be able to try out the 58-character Cyrillic alphabet on Jane, including the sensual and non-Slavic Bashkir Qa. Previously: Karch's luminescent pussy; One is the gooiest number; Visit her face too roughly; "Now lick it."; Jesse's girl See also: Seka, Christy Canyon, Taylor Wane, Roy Karch, Playboy Radio ¶ Saturday, April 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
"Shut up, please": the 22nd annual XRCO awards
 When Bill Margold tells you to shut up, you definitely think about it.The co-founder of the X-Rated Critics' Organization stood on the stage at the Century Club Thursday night and faced the same sort of crowd he increasingly faces; people who are not aware of the adult industry's history or Margold's place in it. In a business so clearly built on the backs of the young, old-timers who haven't made the transition to producers or company owners often feel forgotten. The XRCO is a much smaller event than the AVN awards, but the two share a quick dropoff rate after the first few minutes as people with short attention spans wander in and out of earshot of the stage. Hence Margold's shrill warnings to not continue if people didn't "quiet down" or "shut up". I have only been to two of these award shows and he has said the same thing both times. No one quiets down or shuts up and he continues anyway. The net result is that those of us paying attention feel 1.) sorry for Margold's predicament, 2.) stupid for being treated like kids, and 3.) curious about the better time everyone else seems to be having.  The awards were hosted by Stormy Daniels, Lauren Phoenix, and Frank Bukkwyd, who is porn's go-to guy for non-sex roles. The three seemed to be comfortable with the fact that only the first couple of rows paid attention, so they didn't make the audience uncomfortable by complaining about how no one was paying attention. I am grateful for this.Stormy and Lauren had a faux-bitchy repartee that consisted of lines like: Stormy: Everybody knows that gonzo girls can't read, so why don't you just gape somewhere? Phoenix: Why don't you have your publicist write something about you? ...which was fun until it looked like they meant it. There were some off-mic exchanges that looked pretty nasty, including Phoenix calling Daniels a "fucking asshole". Who knows? Maybe it was all staged. Porn is getting so highbrow and complicated lately.  The percentage of people who showed up for awards in general was about that of those who picked up their Hall of Fame placques: 60 percent. When Pirates won for Best Direction (Joone) and Best Release, only the director, Teagan, and Jesse Jane took the stage. This was different from when the entire Digital Playground staff accepted awards for the movie at the AVNs.(Jesse Jane and Teagan should do a before-and-after commercial about the effects of prescription painkillers; one of them is very animated and one of them is very, er, isn't. I saw Jane the next night at a Playboy taping and am now convinced that the trademarked character Jesse Jane is less a human being than a complex series of robotically articulated gestures with a mouth. She managed to say the word "pussy" using about seven syllables.)  One could also have conversations at the XRCOs without having to deal with an awful house band and, because the venue was small and the event free, the lower-echelon but just-as-interesting people who couldn't make it to Vegas showed up to the XRCOs instead. That was nice.  But back to Bill Margold. That someone who has been around for so long and who has played a part in so many careers has to tell people to shut up is sad, but as anyone who has ever been or had a substitute teacher knows, the battle is lost long before the words "shut up" are ever spoken. Margold should know that trying to guilt a crowd into listening with ploys like "you probably don't know this, but - " can only end in frustration and tears.  Among the highlights were Hillary Scott thanking her asshole and two classy acceptance speeches by Randy Spears and new Hall of Famer Kylie Ireland, both of whom took their awards seriously and were gracious to the crowd.As per usual, the audience fled to the lobby and smoking areas after the awards, which as always started late and ended pleasantly early, leaving the dance floor empty except for a lot of dry ice. With the FAME awards coming up this summer, there are now four "major" adult awards shows per year; one in January, April, June, and November (the XBiz awards). This leaves a yawning void right around Labor Day. I might freak out if someone doesn't have a convention in September. For studios, Wicked, Digital Playground, and Evil Angel picked up the most awards. A director overlooked in the gonzo category was overheard saying, "Well, my FAME votes have gone way up since I got a MySpace account."   Previously: Eve of Seduction; Old school v. Neu school See also: XRCO 2005 ¶ Saturday, April 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, April 17, 2006
Gram not in rehab
 I will be taking the cure until Friday.In the meantime, why don't you acquaint yourself with my voluminous archives? ¶ Monday, April 17, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, April 14, 2006
My Good (porn) Friday
 I spent Good Friday on an Adam & Eve shoot because, as you know, I try to straddle both Testaments.It was a Roy Karch production called Dirty Love, starring Sunny Lane, Aurora Snow, and Mika Tan. Roy has been receiving a lot of press lately so I risk oversaturating the porn market by mentioning him, but something happened that must have seemed like a flashback to Porn Sets Past. "The police just left," he said. "Somebody reported an underage actress." "Who?" "The same neighbor who always does," one of the grips answered. I had been to this house before and the change was shocking. Where once were three guppies in a little indoor pool there were now two and a ceramic turtle. We got a ceramic turtle from the state when my parents were killed. Long-time devotees of this site might remember the altercation I had with a neighbor the last time I visited this place. I wouldn't be surprised if it had been the same busy neighbor who phoned in the bogus call. "The police have to come," another crewmember said. "They just check IDs and they leave." I complimented Tan on her exceptional sidekick skills in a recent Nina Hartley movie. "I used to do informercials on Guam," she said. Is there anything Mika Tan can't do? "It's easier to appear excited about female ejaculation." I sat by the pool (not the guppy pool) as rain began to fall. Sunny Lane, in a cute tennis outfit, was shooting a scene with Jim Beam. I snapped some pictures but it's really so much better if you just imagine it. "Adam & Eve wants believable sex," Karch said, pulling out his notes. "What do real couples do? Look at this: 'No spitting, no choking, no slapping, no porn heels'...I need some suggestions." Karch has been in the porn industry thirty years. He was surrounded by 14 crew members, talent, and assorted hangers-on. No one knew what real couples did. In porn, we slap people Hello. "Well, if it were a real couple, they'd be finished already," said publicist Wayne Hentai, in Joke 1 of the Two Funniest Lines of the Day. Lane and Beam were instructed to kiss more. I wandered through the house. I'd had a conversation with Karch earlier about how some houses in the industry were "shot out" - used so many times that the casual porn customer might grow weary of them. I guess that could happen. If I were a casual porn cutomer, though, I'd think of it as a game to spot the couch, jacuzzi, or stairwell I'd seen in other porn movies. I was still concentrating on the guppy pond, however. "The last time I was here, it was for Gag Me, Then Fuck Me," I said. "Yeah?" Hentai replied. "What was that about?" Aurora Snow and Jay Ashley walked in. We watched Family Guy on TV for a while. I didn't take any pictures because my words are so much more riveting. Frank Bukkwyd was there, playing a gay tennis player. Bukkwyd is the non-sex role actor's non-sex role actor. He was excellent in The Da Vinci Load. Herschel Savage, who just received his domain name back after it had been squatted on for several years (courtesy of Lynn LeMay, who legally pursued the cybersquatter and liberated about 300 porn domain names, including her own, and is planning to give them all back to their rightful owners) said, "I hope I can make some money off it." Lunch came and we all sat around a big table and talked about taxes. Mika Tan, who is not out of the country like I thought, viewed production photographs of her downloaded to a PowerBook. I miss my PowerBook. It would have been nice to have taken a picture of her looking at naked pictures of herself on a PowerBook, especially when she said, "I hate when people take pictures just of my ass, because it makes my head look really small", but porn isn't really a visual medium. A hotel lobby scene was to be shot next and one of the rooms of the mansionlette were prepared. Karch asked some of the crew to phone female friends to be extras in the hotel lobby for fifty dollars. "I've got one friend, but she's a little thick," one of the guys said. "I can't use her," Karch replied, a perfectionist. When I was younger, "thick" meant stupid. A year ago, it meant pleasantly curvy with roomy buttocks. Today it meant fat. On her way out, I asked Sunny Lane if she would be in the movie I plan to pitch next week. It will be the greatest porn movie of all time - possibly the greatest film of all time. It will make people come all over themselves by the end of the opening credits. She said Yes, pending script approval by her people. My first production still is above. Previously: Britney Rears 2: it has begun; Of every head he's had the pleasure to know; Carmen Hart, Carmen Luvana, and Sunny Lane agree that driving to Gram's house and bringing him some steaks would probably be a good idea See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Friday, April 14, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Next year in another casino
 Evan Seinfeld, who was until recently the only one hiding the afikomen with wife Tera Patrick, is featured in VH1's“Matzo And Metal II: Back to the Desert", in which the Biohazard frontman joins Anthrax' Scott Ian for a Passover seder in Las Vegas' Mandalay Bay Casino.Seinfeld has spent more time as a porn mogul recently than as an actor or Biohazard member, but I am not sure if his link to the adult world was discussed in the program, which will be broadcast Sunday. Good thing, too. Could you imagine the shame observant Jews would feel if they knew one of their faith's alleged adherents was involved in pornography? The youngest attendee to the Passover table is usually given the honor of asking four questions, preceded by one which really gets to conversation going. This Vegas-style seder played a little fast and loose with the glorious tradition: Q. Why is this night different from every other night? A. Because Moses is crying that I made Desperate. Previously: Lazarus, come forth; The old bouncing cross; Rock, Stapp slap over cock flap See also: Teravision ¶ Friday, April 14, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Whores at ease
 For an instant, Naudia Nyce wants to punch Ashley Blue's trademark fist further down her throat when Blue remarks yet again how much Nyce looks like Belladonna. It is this and the Cremaster-inducing anal-area shaving of Tiger that make Ashley Blue's Attention Whores #6 more like a news clipping from our part of the world than a sex movie. Read the review here. Previously: Ashley Blue: what she isn't; The scales of horror; A face for numbers; Swirlies provide thrilling denouement See also: JM Productions, Ashley Blue ¶ Thursday, April 13, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Why you can't reach your keys
 I'm just saying that you brought this on yourself, Adrian. You keep acting surprised when things like this happen. You can't reach your keys. No kidding, Adrian.Previously: Are you there, God? It's me, Blackzilla; Flower Tucci serviced by headless black man; No schism between autism, jism See also: MaximumXposure ¶ Thursday, April 13, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
PPPcard feels your shame
 People often ask me, "Gram, where do you get your porn?""Well, Mary, I inspire it." "Even Rear Guard Soldiers?" "No, Mary, all except Rear Guard Soldiers." "Stop calling me Mary; my name's Alan." "Mary." For those of you who don't get porn for free and who are forced to buy it, many of your number are also faced with the need to keep your purchases secret. The Personal Privacy Protection card, or pppcard, has been invented to fill the regretable need to keep your porn purchases under wraps. PPPcard is essentially a rechargeable gift card that is recognized by certain adult websites like ClubJenna and Cyberotica and stores (including, most recently, Hustler Hollywood). PPPcard users can access pornographic content anonymously (well, whatever 'anonymously' means lately) to avoid recriminations, exile, and shunning. One could argue that wanting a mask to buy things that are legal to purchase is a step backward, but if porn didn't carry a certain stigma, no one would want it. Previously: Paul Fishbein: "Someone turns 18 every day"; Masturbation and shame; The decline of western civilization: Dildopolis See also: PPPcard, Hustler Hollywood ¶ Thursday, April 13, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Industry fearful of Brazil twink dominance
 Colossal Entertainment has of late diversified its portfolio. No longer satisfied with cheaply-shot anonymous gonzos like Drunk on Cum, the company has farmed some work out to Gay Brazil, which has responded with Rear Guard Soldiers."Featuring boy-on-boy Brazilian action that's hotter than napalm in the morning, Rear Guard Soldiers stars Andrey, Felix Lins, Alessandro, Alex Bad Boy, Bruno Ferraz, Gabriel Samyer, Renan Favregati and Bernardi Arony."Brazil, already the world leader in trannies, is now cornering the market on the condom-only homoerotic military. This is what globalization has got us. "With Hollywood production increasingly running away to places like Canada and Australia," said invented industry spokesperson Tred Furbwell, "it is no surprise that our nation's twinks, trannies, and condom-only gay soldiers are left without work. "These condom-only gay Brazilian soldiers are content to work without uniforms and, in some cases, will share a helmet," Furbwell said. "You don't see them buggering Donald Rumsfeld about it. "I meant 'bugging'." Previously: You're gonna need a bigger boat; Report: Jewelry-biting on rise in bitch population; Salad and Lutherans See also: Colossal Entertainment ¶ Thursday, April 13, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Squirt and Ernie
 Nina Hartley and partner Ernest Greene present their latest (and, from what I understand, their last) video How To manual for Adam & Eve with Nina Hartley's Guide to Female Ejaculation.Hartley carefully puts all the pieces together with the help of Mika Tan, Angela Stone, and lab subject Anna Mills. I think it's very sexy and Cronenbergian that Hartley has been grafted onto Mills' stomach in the photo. Read the review here. Previously: Nina continues to luft the balloons; Squirting, shame, and the Dark Knight; Hailey's Cumet; You'll always have a shoulder to squirt on See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Wednesday, April 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
ReBelle Rousers preview
 The story is one from the earliest folktales and myths that form the roots of our culture: rich pinup girls who have an addiction to the sexy underwear trafficked by lipstick-wearing, knife-wielding street broads. I'm pretty sure Joseph Campbell devoted several chapters to it.At an ultra-secret location north of the mighty 2 freeway, Octavio Arizala shot ReBelle Rousers, Vivid-alt's first movie (though whether it will be the first released by the fledgling label depends on Eon McKai's and Dave Naz' progress with their movies), starring Kimberly Kane, Angie Savage, Lexi Bardot, Mysti Mae, Masuimi Max (who everyone says was a casting coup), and Page Morgan, who for me steals the show. The working title of McKai's movie is Girls Lie, which he described as an adaptation of The River's Edge and Over the Edge "... about Antelope Valley kids in planned communities who have nowhere to have sex once they turn 18," he said. You can see a preview of ReBelle Rousers here. Previously: McKai's Antelope Valley plans; Vivid's imprint-o-rama See also: Vivid-steve on MySpace ¶ Wednesday, April 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Hustler to Britney Rears: Cover your dirtypillows
 Where once sprouted one-year-old breasts on a 20-to-25-year-old body is now overgrown with microphones.According to porn starmaker Jeff Mullen, Hustler requested that the cover of Britney Rears 2 be changed to something less breastastic and frank. When I invented the American porn industry in 2002, it was with these words: "More boobies always." After an exhaustive series of phone calls I was able to discern from no one who would go on record that the item is being marketed "up" and therefore the moneymakers were to remain covered until come was shot across them in the safety of consumers' homes. For the previous picture, click here and scroll down. Previously: Britney Rears fingers her wet pussy...; Britney Rears 2: it has begun See also: Hustler, Britney Rears; 100 hot French francs ¶ Wednesday, April 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Piggies: what you need's a damn good whacking
 At first glance, Platinum X's Ten Little Piggies, what with the asstastic Maya Hills on the cover and all, seems like an ass-centered movie. In fact, I brought some surveyors over from the Institute on the mainland and they confirmed that Hills' ass was indeed the center of the boxcover.Then I noticed the title and was confused. Was director Iron saying that Ms. Hills was fat? If so, I need to leave porn and return to my first love: filing nuisance lawsuits. Then I realized it was a foot fetish movie. Oh well. But still. Brandon Iron is, probably by virtue of his being a perfomer, the only person whose press releases seem to strike the perfect balance between the hyperbole required to sell yet another porn movie (this release of Ten Little Piggies is the eighth, which means that, unless something went wrong, there have been 80 toes dealt with so far in the series) and the facts. Maybe it is because he has actually sampled the talent rather than wished secretly (or bragged) that he had. (Not that I don't love all porn publicists.) Anyway, Iron has this to say about the cast: - Judy Star (fine French-Canadian babe)You or someone you love can view a trailer here. Previously: Baker's Dozen 7; #5 and #6; Arch Enemies See also: Platinum X ¶ Tuesday, April 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Fantasies: this time they're forbidden
 Like you, I don't want The Man telling me that my fantasies are forbidden. Whether they involve eating crackers in bed with your mother or using Science to increase my forehead size for potential investors, no one can tell me that my dreams are off limits. No Hummer-driving eunuch will crush my spirit.Anyway, the nice people at Platinum Blue have rolled out Forbidden Fantasies, a sex romp for couples featuring Angel Cassidy, Jana Cova, Hailey Page, Dani Woodward (pictured), Daisy Marie, and Naudia Nyce having co-worker sex with Nick Manning. The disc also includes a fetish scene with Alexis Amore and Victoria Sin (that's so weird because I have a bonus material fetish). The only couples porn my concubine and I watch is usually captured by accident with the closed circuit cameras that surround Gram Ponante Towers and Aviary. It is interesting to note that Forbidden Fantasies was shot in August of last year, just before Jana Cova landed her Digital Playground contract. She is featured in a dildo scene with Angel Cassidy. Previously: Extremis Duae; Chick flicks; Desires: this time they're carnal See also: Platinum Blue ¶ Tuesday, April 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
FSC 420-friendly
 The Free Speech Coalition will hold a membership meeting on April 20 prior to the X-rated Critics' Organization (XRCO) awards.FSC meetings usually coincide with adult award shows or conventions, and this one will be held at the Warner Center Marriott in Woodland Hills at 5:30 p.m., leaving attendees time to get to the XRCOs in Century City. The meeting will feature the following speakers and agenda topics: · Jeffrey J. Douglas, FSC Board Chair – Update on 2257 litigation, and an analysis of S. 4472, new 2257 legislation recently introduced in the Senate. · Stephen Rohde, attorney, FSC Utah litigation team – Status of FSC Utah Child Protection Registry litigation. · Reed Lee, attorney, FSC Board Member – Discuss 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruling striking down the pandering provision of the PROTECT Act. · Tom Hymes, FSC Communications Director – Update on .XXX and his recent trip to the ICANN meeting in New Zealand. · Q&A session Previously: FSC wants ghetto for .KIDS; FSC to Congress: "You're no Senator Billy"; An ace that I could keep; I am Teagan Presley (I am not Teagan Presley) See also: Free Speech Coalition, XRCO ¶ Tuesday, April 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Royster to Los Angeles: I'm a fool to do your dirty work
 I have a drinking game I play with my pal, the porn director Ron Royster, though he doesn't know it and I am never actually near alcohol when I play it.Whenever Ron says something to the effect of "I love everybody, Man" or "I'm just trying to make Art, Man" I uncork a virtual bottle. When he then launches into a tirade about how this person or that organization fucked him over, I drink it. I drink a lot. Royster directed a documentary for Adam & Eve called Alternative Worldz: Atlanta a few years ago. In an escalating back-and-forth that seems to characterize his dealings with companies, Royster fought for URLs of his contributors to be listed in the credits of the movie. The company couldn't oblige due to legal concerns, though Royster says they originally agreed. Adam & Eve then added a second disc where his Behind the Scenes footage might have been, a decidedly non-alternative movie starring Adam & Eve contract star Carmen Luvana called Carmen Goes to College. "I don't know what it is with these companies, Man," Royster said. Royster arrived in L.A. last November to shoot a movie he'd pitched to VCA, Atomic Vixens: Escape from the Valley of the Sluts, which will be released next week. In the next few months, he executive-produced two movies, Barbed Wire Kiss (directed by Benny Profane), and Cat Pee's Untitled Alpha 15 Project. He put together a crew of quirky iconoclasts worthy of a 70's ensemble comedy. There's Chester, flamboyant George Benson-whistling, moped-renting Man Friday, Benny, Psychocandy auteur, deep thinker, and snappy dresser, Cat, starry-eyed newcomer with an eye for the ladies and girlfriend of porn-friendly Aristocrats director Paul Provenza, and Renee, ingenue of the Vibe Hotel. These people did everything from shooting movies to buying doughnuts to lifting immobile vehicles. In addition, Royster worked with a ragtag fugitive fleet of below-the-line talent. There was "cunt!"-spouting cockney cameraman Tim Polecat, Nordic punk rocker/cameraman Henrik, longshoreman-cap-wearing pinup fetishist Octavio Arizala, and always somewhere nearby, the enigmatic team of Eon McKai and Malachi Ecks. By the time Royster got to VCA, the company, McKai, and "alt-porn" were synonymous. VCA also began courting Joanna Angel during this period. Despite a little overlap in performers (particularly Justine Joli), there was nothing about Royster's Atomic Vixens that could be characterized as "alt". "I call it 'Glamourcore'," Royster said, but, though Vixens was much more accessible to the LFP/Hustler/VCA consumer base (blondes were used, for example, including future Vivid girl Lacie Heart) than McKai's more terra incognita-skewing material, Royster was lumped in with the alties. This was reasonable because Royster's worldview was similar to McKai's. McKai would often say, during his transition from VCA to start Vivid-alt this year, that his "heart was too big for this business." "Ron said some really great things about me on messageboards when I was getting started as a director," McKai said. "Without knowing me or having met me, he screened (McKai's first movie) Art School Sluts in Atlanta and really helped put the word out. When he pitched VCA, I put in a good word for him." McKai has been instrumental in getting deals for Angel, Ecks, and Vena Virago at VCA, and he has been behind the scenes in some capacity in most of their movies. Royster, who is 46, drew from a lifetime of enthusiastic fandom to put eclectic groups of people together. His next movie, to be shot in Prague with Tim Polecat (pending funding) will be Pornophenia. At a screening of source material Quadrophenia Royster said, "just imagine porn girls on scooters driving through the streets of Prague; it will be the best movie of all time." Royster threatened to pack up his stuff and move back to North Carolina several times over the past few months if VCA didn't accede to various demands, like boxcover art and extra DVD space on movies. He has of late tempered his artistic anguish, though he recently lost a fight with LFP about the boxcover to Barbed Wire Kiss. "He's like a magical hippie and a Southern gentleman at the same time," McKai said, "which is pretty impressive to someone who's been wearing Vans since he was 12." As is the case with most magical hippies, sometimes there are concerns reconciling dreams with reality. There is no place better than porn to pull off fantastic things, but Royster is often frustrated with the numerous obstacles placed on his work in the name of completing production. This has resulted in tensions with his crew and feuds with money suppliers that people outside of the adult business might call colorful or quaint but that people used to dealing with the way things are done here might dismiss as business as usual, and dismiss Royster as unrealistic in his expectations. What is not usual or ordinary about Royster is his refusal to be blase about the work, even at the expense of pissing off people who work with him. "If I pay you for a job," Royster explained, "I pay you for the whole job." "Does that mean you can call people at 3 a.m.?" I saked. "Yes, goddammit, but I'll get them a sixpack of PBR when they're done," he said. Royster expects a lot from his people and often acts surprised when they demonstrate minds of their own. "I guess you don't want a paycheck," he was overheard saying to a crewmember who disagreed with him. "I would work with Ron for a hundred years," said Benny Profane who, though he made money from three self-produced Psychocandy movies didn't have a deal with a major studio until Ron pitched Barbed Wire Kiss to VCA. "He is very tenacious and persistent." This sentiment was echoed in reverse by people within Adam & Eve, who credited the North Carolina-born Royster's tenacity with an off-the-record "bad taste in everyone's mouth." "Ron is a brilliant guy," one Adam & Eve staffer who asked to remain anonymous said, "but he just kept calling." "He put together more deals in a shorter time with VCA than I ever did," McKai said. "Persistence is what gets movies made." Ron reminds me of people I grew up with. "I just want to eat pizza with pretty girls" he is fond of saying. He listens to Foghat, Nazareth, Steely Dan, Mountain, and Focus (creators of "Hocus Pocus"). He's driving back to North Carolina this weekend, then heading to Prague, perhaps New York, and maybe San Francisco. He alternates between saying he will never return to Los Angeles and that he might in a couple of months, depending on who he's talking to. Royster is a larger than life character whose net effect on the industry in such a short time has, I think, been positive. Like McKai, he credits hiomself with having given people work and contacts in a business that is hard to get into if you don't have boobies. He has made things happen, which is a real accomplishment. He has irritated numerous people, which isn't surprising. He has put pretty girls with whom he'd rather be eating pizza on film. I hope he has a good trip and I hope he comes back. Previously: The World is your Royster; Rikki don't lose that Royster (Fleshbot); Loft people naked; VCA fires preemptive volley as McKai leaves See also: Eroticist Films, VCA, Hustler, Adam & Eve ¶ Tuesday, April 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Girl, he be eating your pants
 One look at MaximumXposure's cover of Black Chicks, White Dicks and the world said, "No kidding."Marie Love (or, if you look at the back of the box, Marie Luv) clearly needs to hitch her wagon to the devoted guy on her right, because the guy on her left is trying to eat the underwear right off her person. He indeed seems like a white dick, or even a white asshole. I wouldn't tolerate that behavior from a child, much less a Skeeter lookalike. I can only imagine that relationship ended badly. Previously: Thrusting in the smoke with Sandee Westgate; A Blowbang to remember See also: MaximumXposure ¶ Tuesday, April 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, April 10, 2006
Sorry fellas, she's married
 ...but to what?If not this cucumber, I think her husband will complain that the salad's a little bit off tonight. Previously: Jana Cova: Czech, please; Riding the Curves with Denis Marti; Taormino incorporates Ass; Bring me some goddamn haggis See also: Veggie Sex ¶ Monday, April 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
You say Tanaka, I say Tanaka
 David Aaron Clark, a white man with lots of available pate and tattoos, sure does love him some Asian ladies.Here is a study of Tia Tanaka from Clark's upcoming Azn Pop 2. It is as if Tanaka was captured in the blue early morning taking the hours-long bus ride from her sleepy village to the bustling marketplace in the city, where she meets Xiun (Clark himself), an artist from a disfavored family, who teaches her how to love and paint calligraphic scrolls (simultaneously). She sells her family's chicken in exchange for a junk ride across the Yangtze with Xiun, where they eat fugu and are tormented by tentacles coming through their underpants, as well as vengeful ghosts. If you know as little about Asian culture as I do, you might do well to watch Azn Pop 2. Previously: Dreaming of blondes; GotterDACerung; Japanese boob size and the economy; Because showing actual Asians would ruin it See also: David Aaron Clark ¶ Monday, April 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Whore club for men
 As everyone knows, there is no such thing as bisexuality. There is only gay, straight, gay-until-graduation, unattractive-to-your-chosen-opposite partner, acting out, performing in a porn scene for money, female-on-female making out for drinks, or asexual.Porn companies know this as well, which is why "Bi-sexual" content has never been released on a wide scale because there has never been real demand for it. Back in the days when porn companies were in the gray zone between making art for groovy progressive types and making money from the most people they could, flicks like Live-Bi-Me, featuring scenarios containing men, women, and men AND women, would show up occasionally. Today companies work according to a proven formula, dictating that there needs to be a certain number of sex scenes per picture and a certain number of positions within each sex scene. If that seems cold and calculated to you, maybe you should move to Iran, you freedom-hater. It is always fun watching the "classic" porn movies (Live-Bi-Me was made in 1990. According to the press release, it was "an attempt not made very often at the time, and it works very well." The only thing that makes me doubt that is the conspicuous lack of Live-Bi-Me #57 anywhere, or even Live-Bi-Me #2) and the cast of characters look like a gay Hair Club convention getting the last drink order in. As a cultural snapshot, remember that 1990 was also the year The Godfather III came out. Previously: "I have to go to the bathroom"; What is Mr. Bigg trying to tell us? See also: Pleasure Productions ¶ Monday, April 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Danger in the Night
 A friend of mine narrowly avoided a car accident. He said, "I saw the other car coming at me and yelled, 'Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.' I'm embarrassed that those might have been my last words." The car missed him and he is alive and happy today. His name? Palfro Magnomides. Now you know The Rest of the Story.Anyway, H2 Video's Danger in the Night explores how people face death in Europe. As always, they are more trendy. This woman is about to be both hit by a car and shot, and the first thing she does is grab her parts. I suppose I might grab her parts, too, if some grisly continental fate were about to befall me, like David Hasselhoff. Danger in the Night stars Kathy Anderson, Nikki Sun, Caludia Rossi ("Seriously. Your name is 'Caludia?'" "Si"), Erika Neri, and Simona. Previously: You're gonna need a bigger boat; Euro-911 is a joke; Czech slams American asses See also: Hustler ¶ Monday, April 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, April 09, 2006
alt.squeal
 Gram reviewed Squealer and Joanna's Angels 2: Alt Throttle recently, and he points out that Alaska created the cover for both."Alaska did the cover for both, if you can throw that in there," Gram wrote. Mission accomplished, Gram. Anything else? Squealer's premise reminds me of Spinal Tap: "We've taken a sophisticated view of sex ... and put it on a farm." Gram appeared to like JA2 more than Eugenie Brown liked the original, but only because Gram cut the film some slack where Brown did not. I feel this website's voice has become diluted. Squealer review Joanna's Angels 2: Alt Throttle review ¶ Sunday, April 09, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Where I've been
 People don't come to this site looking for pictures of me, so here's yet another in my series of impressive snaps of Kami Andrews from last week's Porn Star Karaoke.But this post has nothing to do with news of a prurient nature, so feel free to stop reading if you're looking for donkey punches, plumpers, and why I'm confused about the lack of quality material with Vixen in it. "You look sad," Kami said. People from Pennsylvania are wise. I was sad. Something happened last weekend that was ensaddening. I'm not on vacation, I am just recovering from a catastrophic loss of data for which Apple Computer has very correctly admitted fault and is doing something short of its utmost (there must be a word for that) to rectify. Yes, a lot of the world's porn is created, arranged, and reported on from Apple computers. In the meantime, I have farmed out this site to pal and something short of recovering alcoholic Ruby Prone while I get my digital bits in order. With luck, I'll be back to 100 percent by the end of the coming week, in time for more set visits, the XRCOs, and general debauchery. I don't know anyone who has not, once every few years, lost a great deal of information in a computer crash. Luckily I have backups but no computer to send them to. It's like being adrift. What happened was this: I used a utility called TechTool that came as part of Apple's subscription Protection Plan to diagnose a problem. TechTool is not a very helpful utility, not as much as Disk Doctor or Disk Warrior are, but my problem was not very big. TechTool reported an issue with my volume structure that it suggested I fix using one of its solutions. I blithely clicked OK and nuked my hard drive. I only found out later that that version of TechTool was not only not effective for a (slightly) newer operating system but actually destructive. Apple acknowledged this issue having befallen other subscribers to its Protection Plan, but only after I had to deal with a few levels of sullen and unhelpful Apple Store employees. After lowering my voice ominously and announcing that America would be enraged ("enraged") that her beloved Porn Journalist was being so shabbily treated I got the right people on the phone. I appreciate everyone who has offered a temporary replacement computer, but that's not the point. I need my computer back. I miss you. What we have is very special. No one can take that away from us. Your husband was wrong to have me arrested. I miss seeing you fit all those things in your mouth, one after the other or simultaneously. You are very gifted. The next one will have a spinal column, I promise. That was a fluke and she meant nothing. I'll be back for you and your sister, but only if she doesn't talk and she does that thing. I'll be back soon. ¶ Saturday, April 08, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, April 07, 2006
Lori Lust lands Lighthouse, leans leggily
 Seymore Butts' Lighthouse Talent Agency has added a second fitness babe to its roster: Lori Lust. Lust is from Michigan and was profiled here in February.Impossibly fat-free cyborg Tylene Buck/Brandi Wylde is also up in the Lighthouse, so we're hoping some wrestling/Matrix-style porn between Lust and Wylde isn't too far off. Previously: Day rate plus anal; Butts taunts Fog; Phylisa be all up in the Lighthizzy; Seymore raids retirement rolls See also: Lighthouse Talent, Lori Lust on Fleshbot ¶ Friday, April 07, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Faith's fuckin' healin' hands
 I think Gram has a professional crush on Rebecca Love, whom he calls "sloppy sexy", Sandra Romain, whom he calls "Euro-skank sexy", Tyler Faith, whom he calls "Saugus sexy", and Regan Anthony, whom he thinks looks like an artist's conception of the perfect woman if the artist was 12. (Not that I don't think it all goes downhill from 12.)Having grown up in Maine, I know what Gram means when he says Faith has a particular east coast look about her, like she'd be just as comfortable in a sweatshirt and Timberlands kicking your ass as having a nightstick in her butt. Read the review here. Previously: UnFAITHful Secrets; You gotta have Faith in your Tyler; Tyler Faith to make one thing clear; Degenerate the FAITHful with that crazy casbah sound See also: Team Tyler, Black Widow ¶ Friday, April 07, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Britney Rears fingers her wet pussy ... what are you doing?
 Britney Rears has landed on the cover of Oui Magazine."Ouiiiii!" the starlet didn't shriek as I showed her my collection of lesbian erotica. The magazine cover says some wet pussy fingering is in store for Rears, or at least accuses her of it. Rears' second movie, subtitled "I Wanna Get Laid", will arrive in stores April 11, released by Hustler/VCA and directed by Will Ryder. Oddly enough, Oui, published by Playboy, throws a dig at Hustler across the top of its cover. Previously: Are you there, God? It's me, Blackzilla; Britney Rears 2: It has begun See also: VCA ¶ Friday, April 07, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
McKenzie and Red
 McKenzie "Crash" Lee debuts her first starring vehicle for ClubJenna this week with McKenzie Made, directed by the Big Red Ezra.We're fans of the gentle Ezra up here; his backstage and posed stills are sexy first, naughty second. He's also large without appearing violent and/or crazed. That is also what we like about Gram. (But we like Gram less since he removed two of our posts today. {And what's the deal with speaking in the first-person plural? Are we Fleshbot all of a sudden or are we just denying responsibility?}) (We're denying responsibility.) Without seeing this movie, we're (I'm) confident it will look stunning. Previously: "Her passion and energy were unreal"; Melodie Gore on TV See also: ClubJenna, Red Ezra ¶ Friday, April 07, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
XBiz Video launch party: classy, non-violent
 Because of its proximity in the alphabet to the Vibe Awards, last night's XBiz Video launch party was an event I approached with trepidation. Like last year's XBiz Awards, however, the shindig was characterized by a low body count and attention to snacks.XBiz has been hiring lately, and several new staffers were on hand, both reporters and personnel whose job descriptions remained nebulous throughout the evening. That's how I like my XBiz. In addition, the company's hard-charging editorial staff were working the room. "That's Wayne Hentai," one whispered to the other, referring to my attorney. A paparazzo took a picture of Alec Helmy with the original Roy Karch and the original Sunny Lane, who was apparently having trouble keeping her head on. In the same way that I wondered why there is a need - from a consumer/attendee standpoint - for more adult award shows and more conventions, it isn't readily apparent why the business needs another trade magazine. That is unless one notes industry dissatisfaction with AVN mixed with the fact that people still buy $4,000 ads in AVN, instant buyer's remorse setting in with each penstroke on a checkstub. "What does an AVN ad really get me?" one company owner asked last night. Maybe nothing but the ability to say you can afford an AVN ad. XBiz ads are cheaper. It would be unfair to characterize XBiz Video as Not-AVN, but it is unavoidable in an industry where launching a trade magazine immediately makes your publication the second-biggest. There were many people at the party who already or will run ads in both magazines. "I trust XBiz more," another company representative said. "But that might be because they haven't been around as long for anything (bad) to bubble to the top." Are porn people cynical because of the industry's heartbreaking business practices or because cynical people gravitate to porn? "In the music industry you're more surprised when people lie," said publicist and former AVN.com editor Scott Ross. "In porn at least you know you're going to get fucked over." So how is XBiz a different porn animal? Judging from the party and the copies of the publication circulating, XBiz is both different and familiar. The event was held at a club called clear (like jessica drake, except a building). clear is a low-lit, blue-tinged, concrete-floored club in Studio City that was rented out for the occasion. There might have been 300 people there altogether, mostly industry business people and a few talent, like Sunny Lane, Linda Roberts, and Pamela Peaks, who lives nearby. People who wanted to sit down could. There was a heated hors d'ouevres table, which is important to me. It was comfortable. In many ways the face of the Webstar Marketing (XBiz' parent company) empire is its marketing and sales department, behind-the-scenes consultants as well as Kristen Kaye and her new colleague, Su. As opposed to AVN, which has an editorial personality defined by the likes of Mark Kernes, Mike Ramone, Peter Warren, and Heidi Pike-Johnson, XBiz' editorial staff are more background players. This for me is XBiz' strength and weakness. In most other industries, of course, it would only be a strength. You're not supposed to know the writers of a trade magazine; the writing is usually transparent. XBiz accomplishes this, speaking with a much more newsy voice than AVN's (to use Tod-Hunter's description) "train wreck" editorial style mixed with the personal dramas and insider vendettas that make the older magazine a much more fun read than XBiz.  I snapped a picture of Hustler's new marketing lady Amy Accardi, Memoirs of a Modern-Day Geisha director Jennifer James, and performer Pamela Peaks. Why? Alliteration.XBiz' design also aims higher than AVN's manic-depressive, try-to-please-everybody-but-fail style. Both XBizWorld and XBizVideo are laid out like Variety ("Really?" asked XBiz owner Alec Helmy when I mentioned this several months ago, displaying an eerily-Fishbein-like non-stick coating) and arrive in a manner that is easy to read and not so overburdened with ads that the magazine can't be rolled up and carried around, you know, like something with actual news printed in it. Might this change as the industry chooses to hedge its bets and advertise in both publications, or as people take advantage of XBiz' currently-lower ad rates? Might the editorial staff become, similar to AVN, power brokers? (This is not the guiding principle of all of AVN's staff, but by virtue of its status as the 800-lb. gorilla of the business, even the meekest, least-powermad staffer gets a dinner here and there.) What might success do to XBiz? Luke Ford was taking pictures outside at a makeshift photo stand. "More cleavage," he kept saying. It's happening already. As George Bailey said in It's A Wonderful Life, "This town needs this broken down, measly one-horse institution if for no other reason than to have a place where people don't have to go crawling to Potter." XBiz is not as measly as AVN is like Potter, but a little competition from the Savings & Loan couldn't hurt. Previously: XBiz announces long-expected party See also: XBizVideo ¶ Friday, April 07, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Holy mole-y: Rita Faltoyano swimming
 Gram seemed to like Jack's Playground 30, but I wouldn't trust anyone over 30."Having just encountered Rita Faltoyano by a pool, he said, "it was great to watch her in one." Oh that's very pithy and funny, Gram. Try working for a living. Some people don't have pools. The rich sure are part of the problem, aren't they? Read the review here. Previously: Possibly the greatest movie of all time; Teagan: "more in the ass." See also: Digital Playground ¶ Thursday, April 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Vivid's Imprint-o-rama
 Vivid Entertainment is launching Vivid-label, a new imprint dedicated to launching new labels.Hot on the heels of Eon McKai's Vivid-alt and Tristan Taormino's Vivid-ed, the latter formed for a new educational line rather than making the company a past-tense verb, the company is clearly in the throes of what industry-watchers call Labelmania. "Vivid is clearly in the throes of Labelmania," said a noted industry-watcher, delicately gumming a kiwi at a Santa Monica bistro for the deaf. Vivid-label has already spun off seven new imprints, including Madonna's Maverick by mistake, said Vivid-label chief Jeff Mullen. "We've got Vivid-ass, Vivid-gay, Vivid-plump, Vivid-urban, Vivid-extreme, and Vivid-nog, which will focus on holiday beverages," Mullen did not say. "Everybody's pretty jizzed." But veteran adult business analysts, whatever that means, worry that the imprints might dilute or overwhelm the flagship brand, causing an identity crisis. "I know all the goddamn adult business analysts in this town and I know where they eat," shrieked Mullen, sampling tapas at a trendy WeHo cafe. "Don't give me that bullshit about people doubting Vivid's proven abilities." Mullen then sped off on four new Vivid rims, which mean something different in West Hollywood, let me tell you. Taormino will also direct four reality-themed projects for Vivid in the coming year. "Couples already trust Vivid for erotic features," Thomas Pynchon's niece said. "Now they can count on Vivid for hot reality, too.” Previously: House of Ass review; My Vivid visit; Vivid-steve launched See also: Vivid, Tristan Taormino ¶ Thursday, April 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Jesse's girl
 Playboy's Night Calls, hosted by Jesse Jane, and porn e-tailer SugarDVD are sponsoring a contest that will land the winner a naked guest spot on the show, airfare, and hotel accommodations in Los Angeles. Depending on whose version you read, the lucky lady will also either receive "some" spending cash or have her wallet "stuffed" with it.But that's not the point; as long as 1.) she is over 18, 2.) lives in the United States, 3.) looks good naked, and 4.) can artfully describe why she stands out above other women (see #2), she has a chance to flop around helplessly under Jane's steely gaze. "Where can I find a woman like that?" Jesse Jane might have said. I have not met Jesse Jane but I can satisfy items one through four above. Should I sign up? Will my employer be jealous if I become more famous than he is? (He's sensitive now that he's broken up with Mason.) Or should I hold out until I know how much spending cash I'll get and where I'll be staying? Will they fly me out on JetBlue (I'm in San Francisco) or will they send me first class? Hold on: I'm going to go flash out the window and see if somebody snaps me with his camera phone; I don't have any nudes since before I had the landing strip put in. Previously: What is a MILF?; Jesse Jane: spare the paddle See also: SugarDVD contest; Playboy TV ¶ Thursday, April 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Industrious Tera
 Tera Patrick will be revisiting her gritty Everygirl roots as she returns to the City of Industry tonight to dance at the Spearmint Rhino there.Industry's Rhino was the first place "Tera Patrick" danced. She will perform several sets nightly between tonight and Saturday, re-appearing on stage as a (sexy) geisha, (sexy) nurse, (sexy) schoolgirl, and (sexy) porn star/stripper, if you can believe it. All trips to the City of Industry are encouraged by the Homeland Security Department, as well as excursions to the Cities of Patriotism and God. Previously: Tera runs with motorcycle gang; Virtual (protected) Sex See also: Teravision; Vivid ¶ Thursday, April 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Stormy Daniels does something
 The florid prose of her publicist nearly dismantled any excitement we might have had for Stormy Daniels' appearance in a 3-page Playboy Mexico spread. While there is no doubt that Ms. Daniels is a captivating person and tasty when naked, it appears that the guy she's got shilling for her writes with a hose.Using literally incredible phrases like "mainstream icon" and leading off with an unnecessary attack on Sharon Stone (what did Sharon Stone ever do to you besides show you what Stormy Daniels is showing you?), the release touts the metaphor-mixing "Instinco Basico: El Huracan Stormy" in a future/current/past issue of Playboy Mexico. LOS ANGELES CA / COLONIA DEL VALLE MEXICO - While one "Basic Instinct" is currently dying a swift, decisive death in American theaters, prompting reviewers to weigh in with comments like, "this film isn't a disaster. It's a disaster of catastrophic proportions," a "Basic Instinct" of a radically different stripe is currently sending PLAYBOY MEXICO to the top of magazine sales charts across Latin America, thanks to Princess Of All Media & Wicked Pictures' contract megastar STORMY DANIELS. This release damns with great praise. Previously: jessica drake photographed head-on with a flash camera against an uneven and shiny purple wall; Stormy re-agrees with Wicked See also: Stormy Daniels; Wicked Pictures; Playboy Mexico ¶ Thursday, April 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Northridge porn art
 In 2001, the communities of Caldmore, Pleck and Palfrey in the Midlands area of England created an art installation alongside the prostitutes who worked the neighborhoods there.Covering topics like condom use, personal safety, shielding children, and shame, the gallery represents a collaboration between people who feel they have no choice and people who feel powerless against prostitution in their alleyways. I think it would be swell if the Northridge Mall (upper level, near the food court) would host an art happening featuring collaborations between the porn community and residents of the areas where porn's warehouses are located. I think it would be sexier. Previously: Fleiss to open brothel for women; Sex workers protest Grand Theft Auto; Study: Prague feeds hookers well See also: Safety Soapbox ¶ Thursday, April 06, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Ruby Prone: Guest Conductor
While Gram is off buying cars and struggling with a suddenly-disappointing PowerBook, I will be filling in as best I can.
Gram said I could write whatever I wanted for the meager paycheck he is giving me. My favorite sites (other than, of course, the charming Ponante's Porn Valley Observed) are Violet Blue's Tiny Nibbles, Libby Lynn's Rollertrain, and Tristan Taormino's Pucker-up (though I understand the latter now hates my employer). My favorite director is David Aaron Clark, despite my better judgment. Gram sent me a list of the websites he reads daily; the folders are "Porn People", "Lovecraft", "Assholes I Know", "Jaws", and "Other". That's a peak into his life for you. I will not say that I erased Gram's hard drive or wrecked his car, but I will say that stalking pays off. And I've got a rack that won't quit, as Gram did not say. I'll be around for a few days but continue sending mail to gram(at)gramponante.com. Don't bother tracking me down; it was suggested I go to the Internet Anagram Server for a nom-de-porn. ¶ Wednesday, April 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
The Contractor
 At the end of the day I'm not sure if Gram loved this movie, yeah, yeah, yeah, or not, not, not.What he seems to be saying here is that, if you strip everything else away, like Laurence Fishburne did in Searching for Bobby Fischer, The Contractor still has Carmen Luvana and Austyn Moore in it, and you know that can't be bad. Read the review here. Previously: Luvana to host FAME Awards; You yell 'shark'; First person shooter See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Wednesday, April 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Are you there, God? It's me, Blackzilla
Other than Britney Rears and Sophia Santi, there are not too many porners who have fake porn names on top of their regular porn names.
Shane Diesel is one such person, and now he goes by "Blackzilla". (I discovered that a bunch of people go by the name Blackzilla, as this limerick-laden website - featuring Kami Andrews and Nicole Moore - points out.) Was there ever a performer called Twatzilla or Titzilla? If not, I want those names. Mr. Blackzilla has starred in several productions for Digital Sin, such as My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla, My Daughter Is Fucking Blackzilla, and I Can't Believe I Took the Whole Thing. Wow. Blackzilla sounds like he's really after this guy's family... According to male-friendly website Big Cock Society, "(Blackzilla) cooks splendidly, loves making dinners for friends and enjoys a fireplace and champagne evening with a beautiful woman. Lucky and fortunate is the lady!" Previously: Shane Diesel on Fleshbot; Pitch Black: The Chronicles of Fair-to-Middlingdick See also: New Sensations; Diesel in Big Cock Society ¶ Wednesday, April 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
XBiz announces long-expected party
 On several occasions between March and August of 2005, I pitched XBiz' Alec Helmy and a few editors on making more of an effort to engage the video market in addition to the Internet side of the adult business."That's not who we are," Helmy told me in late June. "That's not where we want to be competitive." Imagine my surprise and delight when I heard, just a few months later, that XBizVideo, a magazine dedicated to the video side of the adult industry, was launching. This Thursday there will be a party to celebrate that launch at Studio City's Clear Nightclub (not affiliated with the Church of Scientology to my knowledge) at 11916 Ventura Blvd. The festivities begin at 8 p.m. If you'd like to join in celebrating this bold new idea, RSVP to su(at)xbiz.com. Just so you know, I did not suggest the convention in July in Las Vegas. Previously: XBiz awards: short and full of snacks; Jenna swart See also: XBiz, L. Ron Hubbard ¶ Wednesday, April 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Introducing the Hardline According to Hustler
 Hustler has announced a new gonzo line independent of its other gonzo lines. Featuring consensual creampies, consensual blowbangs, and consensual DP (this either means double penetration, Digital Playground, or Donkey Punches), Hustler Hardline will cover ground that couples' movies like Ghetto Booty can't.The first release in the new imprint is directed by Chance (as opposed to directed by Accident, which is how I feel about many movies) and is titled Hustler Hardline: Anal Extremes. "We're not joking around with anal anymore," a Hustler representative did not say. "We're cleaning anal house. There's been some changes in anal middle management. It's time to go to anal extremes." Anal Extremes stars Sahara Knight, Sandra Romain, Hillary Scott, Barbara Summer, Annie Cruz, and Tory Lane. Previously: Devinn Lane licks, whips Shane; Flower Tucci serviced by headless black man See also: Hustler, Sananda Maitreya ¶ Tuesday, April 04, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Chock full o' Morals
 As you know, I have a rigid and unbending moral code, a firm sense of right and wrong, and a sociopathy that lends itself to undercover police work and adult video sales. That is why I gravitated to No Morals (in addition to Vicky Vette's mesh outfit that I remember from when she addressed our high school).While there were no donkey punches, it was still worthwhile (plus we get to see one of Keiko's final scenes from this segment of her career in the adult industry, which I'd trade for three donkey punches). See the review here. Previously: Recovering Vette See also: Sex Z Pictures ¶ Tuesday, April 04, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Loving the Donkey Punch, hating the Donkey Puncher
 I watched Chatsworth Pictures' Donkey Punch a little while ago, comparing it favorably to Digital Playground's Control. Both movies more or less prettied up an issue that people who actually indulge in donkey punches or who put Lanny Barbie in a bodybag take seriously.Many people find the donkey punch disgusting and misogynistic. That's valid. I also find using MySpace as a form of foreplay abhorrent. But the point is that no one in the adult industry who makes or sells porn gets to say so, especially if that opinion is alongside the word "boycott". You can't make a bukkake video and say someone else can't make a donkey punch video. You can't make a sex-positive couples' film and say it, either. Your definition of exploitation is just a little more stringent than someone else's. Alex Devine has said that Steven French used a ring in Donkey Punch and that he was too rough. She asked him to stop and he did. Sources say he is rough with women. He should not have used a ring. He should have stopped before he was "really" asked to. There should not have been toe-sucking. This is Donkey Punch, for Christ's sake. Don't creep me out. But engraved into the stone of Monticello is Thomas Jefferson's oft-repeated maxim that if you are going to show deep, soulful kisses between condom-only consenting adults after a lengthy dialogue scene dealing with pirates or vampires or whatever paunchy couples on sofas are watching these days, you can also show the Dirty Sanchez, Blumpkin, Cleveland Steamer, or Donkey Punch. Don't buy it if you don't like it, don't do it again if you didn't like it the first time. All bets are off when you know what you're getting into. Previously: Control and Donkey Punch ¶ Tuesday, April 04, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Mr. Marcus is the President
 Joanna's Angels 2 hits "the streets" (where I came up) today. Why mention this again when I just published the web's only interview with Joanna Angel just last week? Because she doesn't get nearly enough attention.Mr. Marcus plays our nation's President in this picture. Previously: I am Black and Famous; Porn Star Diets; Joanna's Angels review See also: VCA, Burning Angel ¶ Tuesday, April 04, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
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