Because I am a loose cannon, serve no master, roam the earth, and am a lone wolf, I would probably not be a good candidate to have my own webcam show.

The digital cameras would roll, I would stare into the lens, say "Let's do this," and unload several quarts of GramChowder onto a horrified America within 30 seconds. Then I would leave.

Angie Savage and Crissy Moran, who are professionals, took their time.

The HustlerLive show they perpetrated last night from the VideoSecrets studio in Pumpkins was a measured affair with designated times for clothing, toys, and dinner.

I first met Savage and her spiritual heavy metal husband, Devon, on the set of ReBelle Rousers, the photos of which I am legally bound not to show. Both are very nice.

Savage, like Kelly Madison, only works with her spouse as male talent.

"But for a special one-off event for my website, we are going to have a threesome with Ron Jeremy," she reported.

"Usually threesomes involve another girl," it was noted.

"Well, I want to make Devon squirm a little. I don't like those cut and shaved guys. Ron has a big gut and a hairy back."

Note to self: get off Atkins.

Savage and Moran spent several minutes extolling various Hustler ticklers, vibes, and floggers, opening the hard plastic packaging of each toy for the cameras.

"This one is a little big," Savage said of a large purple dildo. "We're scared."

The two worked together as believably as two people can in high heels on a small couch with three or four people pointing cameras at them. It's worth repeating that both were just so nice, like the hottest Montessori kindergarten teachers one could imagine.

Moran said that she's been on other shoots where she's felt much more worldly than her scene partner.

"I was paired with a 19-year-old and I think it was her first scene," she said. "I felt like I was molesting her."

But Savage and Moran seemed well-matched for the tasks set before them, which were three interrupted hours of donning and doffing skimpy outfits, making out, and taking relayed voice commands from very respectful Internet fans.

It was an entirely pleasant evening in a little office park way out on the 101, where the road signs might have read: Go Back to North Hollywood if You Want Skanks.

See the gallery here.

Previously: I am a camera
See also: HustlerLive, VideoSecrets, Flirt4Free, Angie Savage, Crissy Moran

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, April 28, 2006 | 1 Comments Links to this post

Cytherea, shot by the right person, is stunning.

Michael Ninn has made a squirting movie with Cytherea, Angela Stone, and Missy Monroe called Wet Room. I bet when Ninn uses his considerable palette for something specific, the results are remarkable.

Recent Ponante revisionist Jimmy D. has also shot Cytherea to great effect.

Previously: Ninn to self-distribute in 2006; Catherine review; You ought to give Iowa a try; Can't. Fucking. Wait.
See also: Wet Room trailer (scroll down below the boxcover photo)

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, April 28, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

As small liberal arts colleges throughout America have begun devoting fractions of their curricula to Britney Rears scholarship, the brain trust here at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, and Observatory is proud to contribute its findings on the life of the former Jessica Sweet.

Included here is the original artwork for the Britney Rears 2 boxcover, deemed too - something - by Hustler and changed to a copy of its predecessor's cover with a "2" added.

That the first movie featured Rears with a lollipop and the second one has no lollipops reflects the empty promises swallowed daily by our porn luminaries in this tear-streaked landscape of douche and regret.

Also, the lollipops are different colors. I'm sure that means something.

We have been informed that if there is to be a Britney Rears 3 that it will feature a different Britney. Might Britney be played by Priva? In any case, read this review of the swan song of Britney Rears, a sweet little movie.



Previously: Hustler to Rears: Cover your dirtypillows; Rears fingers her wet pussy while Rome burns
See also: Hustler, Britney Rears

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, April 28, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Private Media Group, the porn syndicate based in Barcelona, has jumped into the contract girl racket by engineering Priva, a Thai model who enjoys, according to press accounts, Thai food.

"Priva is 160 centimetres of petite porn star that is on a non-stop trip to the top," say Private scientists. "Originally from a rural village in Southern Thailand, Priva loves Thai food and BBQs, motorbikes, scuba diving and spending time with her family."

Outdoing even Digital Playground, which trademarks porn names and last year created Sophia Santi out of the rib of Natalia Cruze, Private has given its star a name that will with luck remind porn consumers of the company she represents.

It is like my breakfast cereal, Grampo, which I am at this moment enjoying at a trendy Hollywood eatery.

Little is known about Priva other than our shared love of barbecues and how she and Jesse Jane dream of electric sheep.

Previously: Robinson Crusoe on Sin Island
See also: Private

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, April 28, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I met Angie Savage and Crissy Moran in Pumpkins today.

Calabasas is a different kind of place. An alien place. Did you know the dead walk the earth there, and that the Starbucks is several times bigger than others, and that residents don't have belly buttons, by law?

I'll have more pictures tomorrow.

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, April 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Porn's greatest publicist has been silent recently. His Liberty Network site is down. Does anyone know what he's up to?

Historian Wayne Hentai has sent along a classic Banan press release from 2002 which even then displayed all the attributes of the style that made Banan one of porn's giants: a love for Banan, Banan writing as another person about Banan, and liberal use of the Banan Stylebook.

February 16, 2002 09:44am
Presenting Crystal Meth
Source: The Liberty Network, Inc.
by: Company Press Release
(SANTA CLARITA, CA) -- With his 5 year contract ending at “Turner Media” as
head honcho of publicity, Steve Banan, CEO and Publisher of “The Liberty
Network”, announced today that he would be devoting most of his time to new
clients (manufacturers, production companies, talent, etc.) in the adult
entertainment industry.

Mr. Banan said that with “The Liberty Network” now being in full swing, and
his cable production company “IDP” moving along in high gear, he has the
time to take on new clients. "I have asked many of my friends and associates
from various advertising agencies in New York to join me as we look into
opening an office here in Los Angeles just to handle publicity for the adult
entertainment industry." After speaking with numerous advertising and
publicity personnel, the conclusion is very clear, with his contacts, wisdom
and expertise for over twenty years, there are few in the industry that
could measure up.

I spent a day with this publicity genius and just listened to what he had to
say. I was totally amazed on his views as to what the public would accept
and would not. His publicity approach and beliefs are incredibly astounding.
Steve knows what the public wants and he is willing, able and ready to
deliver it. “ Shock value is the key word”, as Steve puts it. It all makes
sense! Like his new client, upcoming young gal with one hell of a package
behind her. Her name is… are you ready for it…Crystal Meth!

Heeding to Steve as he reveals it, weather you like it or not, she is one
hell of an addiction! Opposite from the norm, he is asking you, no,
beseeching you to let the addiction out! What a concept, take the negative
and turn it into a positive and an exhilarating charge.

After almost being sexually attacked and cumming under the power of this
young twenty-year-old addiction I can truly understand where Steve is going
with this one. To contact this remarkable publicist please email
stevebanan@eudoramail.com or contact him via his cell, 661-810-3691.

Sharon Stone
The Liberty Network, Inc.

Whatever became of Crystal Meth, by the way? Perhaps only Steve Banan knows.

UPDATE: A reader has an answer.

"(Crystal Meth) robbed Steve and Nicole's house while they were out of town and went
back to New York."

Previously: All holes; Of every head he's had the pleasure to know; Nicole Moore goes streaming; ABC to Banan: "Give us your numbers in Sidney and Prog."

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, April 27, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

California's own Angie Savage will be appearing on HustlerLive tomorrow with Crissy Moran.

"Crissy is a doll," Savage told me.

Hustler and other companies trek out to the town of Calabasas (Spanish for Pumpkins) now and then to host webcam shows at the facilities of Video Secrets, which also runs the Flirt4Free program one can find in my links area.

Any time you are on a website video-chatting with someone from Croatia, there is a good chance that website is piggybacking on Video Secrets' servers.

You wonder why one publicist might serve the competing needs of several companies or why some companies handle the distribution of competitors? It all underscores the fact that there is only one person really making money in this business and that person is me. And Jenna Jameson.

Savage and Moran will begin their cam show at 5 p.m. PST on HustlerLive.com, using toys, filthy talk, and each other for the next three hours.

Previously: Naked Savage; ReBelle Rousers Preview; Meet Angie Savage (fleshbot)
See also: HustlerLive

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I really was just looking at Ashley Brooks' face when this happened.

(Thanks to the caller who corrected my spelling; at least I got the number of syllables right.)

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Following the news that Carmen Luvana and Tommy Gunn are to be co-hosts, organizers of the FAME awards have announced comedian "Reverend" Bob Levy as Master of Ceremonies.

Why does an event that already has two hosts need a Master of Ceremonies?

Because joke-telling wackiness is not what one associates with Carmen Luvana. Rather it is her overwhelming love for me and her ability to communicate that using sexual proxies on film.

To force this gentle creature to say things like, "So how are you all doing tonight? Make some noise!" is to deny Luvana the very thing that makes her my girlfriend of three years: a lack of the inner conflict necessary to turn to comedy for a living.

That is why Levy was added, at the risk of making FAME's format appear similar to the AVN show. Levy represents the fan side of the equation, and will fill time on stage when Luvana needs to powder, lube, and adjust. He will also warm up the audience.

Levy has his own program on Sirius Radio. His porn emcee qualifications include eating bleu cheese dressing out of Tabitha Stevens' ass on Howard Stern's show.

I have high hopes for the FAME awards and have sent international observers to make sure the voting remains legitimate. I have been told that several IP addresses have been scrubbed due to people attempting to double-cast votes. This is important to me because, like Fox Mulder, I want to believe.

Previously: Carmen Luvana to host FAME awards
See also: FAME Awards, Adam & Eve

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Felix Vicious, whose very name reflects the duality in us all,

Let's start that over.

Felix Vicious has a dildo on her shoe.

In Vamp Pictures' Unusual Penetrations, the exciting and amiable Vicious experiments with various novelties, machines, and Gram-substitutes to fill the emptinesss inside.

Joining her on her voyage of self-discovery are Malibu, Charlene Aspen, Carolyn Monroe, and Allyson Chains. I think this must be a very important movie.

Previously: Felix Vicious and Justine Joli provide gratuitous nudity
See also: Vamp Pictures

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

The Free Speech Coalition is dispatching crack communications director Tom Hymes to address a convention of nerd-panderers in San Francisco.

The first annual Sex in Video Games Conference will focus on the design, development, and technology of sex in video games, with additional spotlight on business networking.

Hymes will speak on the “Morals & Ethics & Sex & Games” panel, scheduled for Friday, June 9, at 3:15 p.m., one of about a dozen seminars addressing the business and cultural issues surrounding the controversial subject. Other seminars on the schedule include, “Pleasing the Player: What Emergent Sex Can Teach Developers”, “Sex, Law and the First Amendment”, and “Integrating the Adult & Game Markets”.

Naturally, there is not a single seminar being offered on How to Meet Actual Women.

The seminar is being sponsored by Washington-based Evergreen Events.

Previously: FSC wants ghetto for .KIDS; The (Secondary) Producers; Sex workers protest Grand Theft Auto; First person shooter; World of Warcraft SEX!
See also: Free Speech Coalition

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

One of the saddest things about getting older (I am now 19) is the realization that it is difficult to be unique.

That is why stripper names are very important.

I believe that every other strip club in America has a dancer named Exotica (one of whom is pictured here), in addition to a Jade, a Devon, and, more often than not in certain parts of the country, a Jugzilla. I could be wrong.

This particular Exotica started a five-night run at Atlanta's Pink Pony on Monday and will be dancing at the Van Nuys Spearmint Rhino from May 4 to 6.

"Any plans for a middle-America stopover in the intervening week?" I did not ask.

"Dunno," Exotica did not reply. "Jugzilla's driving."

The Latina Exotica is a small animal groomer in her spare time. I think we could really make something happen.

Previously: Industrious Tera; Non-Arthur Brown-related world; You yell "shark"
See also: Spicy Exotica; Memorable quotes from Exotica

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

As an amateur doctor, I am thrilled when I hear that others who are not classically trained in a profession begin practicing it.

That is the basis of Platinum Blue's Miami Maidens 5, in which Floridians have sex.

The only difference between "Pro-Am" and something like Barely Legal is production value, and perhaps the understanding that pro-am girls, who might be strippers (which is the number one occupation in Florida), are not going to appear in 35 movies a month and descend into the porn lifestyle of meth, dread, and stalking me.

Pictured is a woman named Shauna Banks. She doesn't look like an amateur.

For sticklers interested in actual pornfolk, the DVD extras of Miami Maidens 5 include a scene between Nick Manning and Shy Love.

Previously: Jenna: "King (of Kings) Me"; Bogota girls son facil; Hookers, reality, suicide
See also: Platinum Blue Productions

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, April 25, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Let's say I agreed to come over your house, alone, and DP you.

"But Gram," you might say, "wouldn't you need another person?"

"No," I would say, brandishing my copy of the Warren Report.

Carmella Bing, my friend from the high desert, is featured in this compilation called DP Wreckage, along with Audrey Hollander, Lauren Phoenix, and Mika Tan.

I can't see what Bing has done to anyone that she would need to be "wrecked".

That she is wearing what appears to be 10" heels but not standing up in them is hardly an excuse to wreck her, though judging from how close she got her right breast to the floor without touching, I bet she always gets the break in pool.

Previously: Carmella Bing: a rack in the back; A face for numbers; Are we our boxcovers?
See also: MaximumXposure

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, April 25, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Lexington Steele threatens to drop ashes on the lens of his camera in his latest Point-of-View epic, Pole Position 5.

Steele, a three-time AVN Performer of the Year, brushed aside concerns that pointing the camera at his own face when, with all due respect, there were other things to look at, was a bad idea.

"My series is not intended to be viewed as an everyman's point of view," Steele said, "but it is the way I throw down with some of the best females in the business."

When asked if he was out of touch with other men in the business, Steele did not reply, "God I hope so."

Pole Position 5: Lex POV stars Nikki Grind, Gianna, Barbara Summer, Mysti May, and Sophie Dee.

Previously: The face of Lex is missing; Oh Yes I would know; Autumn Bliss' point of goo
See also: Lexington Steele

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, April 25, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

L.A. Direct Models, in its regular showcase at Rouge: a Club for Gentlemen, usually employs themes in its presentations, like Latin Night, Blonde Night, or Adult Onset Diabetes Night.

Tonight, however, is a potpourri of what the adult booking agency calls Up and Comers Night. Rio, Tyra Banxxx, Cindy Crawford, and Davia Ardell will appear, with the first dance beginning at 9 sharp.

If one were to pay special attention to the flyer, one would notice that the mainstream celebrity soundalike names are kept in the middle and that they have the same haircut, that the people showing teeth are on the right, and that the more vampish starlets are off to either side.

This is the same formula that was employed in Da Vinci's Last Supper.

Previously: Study: Blondes popular; I shall wear the hem of my baby tee rolled
See also: L.A. Direct Models, Rouge

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, April 25, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

In addition to my appearance in Jack's Playground 27, one of the most riveting cinematic images of the last two decades was Ted Levine's "tucking" sequence in 1991's The Silence of the Lambs.

Colossal Pictures' new tranny line, He's My Girl, features some tucking of its own, as Brazilian shemales hide in the shade south of their personal equators.

"If you want to find high-quality trannies, the places to go are Rio or Sao Paulo, Brazil," Michael Glaser, vice president of sales for Colossal Entertainment, said. "We've done very well with this category and it's because we give the fans of TS titles what they want: girls that are believable and passable, but with amazing packages."

Adelphia is offering a package with Showtime and Starz next month, but I don't think it's the same thing. At least I hope it isn't.

Previously: Rocco eats, Nacho breaks beats; Black Viking empties barrel on ladies; Trannies and the Constitution
See also: Colossal

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 24, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Goddamn it, I need to start my own clothing line.

I think I know what the formula is, too. It doesn't matter if the clothing is actually any good. All you need is a Kid Rock lookalike (or, in a pinch, Kid Rock) and a girl pulling her shirt up. Sprinkle liberally with people flipping the bird at the camera.

I'm sure if the war in Iraq was sold this way, I would be totally on board.

Launched in 2006, Strip Club Choppers is, according to its press material, one of America’s fastest growing parts, accessories, and clothing manufacturers. They also design promotional choppers.

Should I dump my business cards and get a GramPonante.com promotional chopper? I will need a half-shirted porn babe to ride it with me and punch out my enemies because I will be too busy revving up and giving people the finger.

Previously: Tera runs with motorcycle gang; Brittany Andrews to sell you; "Hello Angels..."
See also: Strip Club Choppers, Mofo Wear

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 24, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

When I was growing up in Bombay Beach, our cheerleaders were plump and ravenous, full of biscuits and desire for your friend Gram. We called them The Decline of Egypt because they could never complete a pyramid.

For the first time anywhere, Hustler explores the erotic possibilities of cheerleaders in Barely Legal #58, featuring the whippet-thin Courtney Simpson, from whom every ounce of body fat has been shamed and banished. On dismounts of over five feet, Simpson simply slices through dirt molecules and winds up in the center of the earth.

"Last time I got magma on me," she did not say.

Barely Legal #58 also stars Denise K., Keeani Lei, Nadia Styles, and Angela Stone.

Previously: You gotta havce faith in your Tyler; Charlotte Stokely speaks in tongues
See also: Hustler

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 24, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Jenna Jameson's image recently appeared in a checkers game in Florida, prompting Mary, Mother of God, to quip, "Why do I only get tacos?"

The 2021-Year-Old Virgin has had difficulty distributing her image, often settling for clamshell fountains, burritos, or steam patterns on institutional windows.

"If My Son only worked half as hard as Jay Grdina, I'd at least have a ReganBooks deal by now," bitterly observed the Holy Grail from the condensation on a caipirinha glass in Petropolis, Brazil.

Jameson, a nude image of whom turned up in several deluxe checkers games at a Winn-Dixie in DeLand, Florida, said she was "offended and very upset" that her picture, licensed for an adult-oriented key chain, was included in a product meant for children.

“While it appears that the use of my image was inadvertent," Jameson said, "this was a serious mistake and I want to personally apologize to families that have been affected."

Promotions Unlimited Corp. imported the game from China and placed blame for the error solidly with the teeming factory workers there.

The Catholic Church has approached the factory to secure placement of the Virgin Mary in higher-end products like those peg games you find at Cracker Barrel.

Following her visitation in DeLand, Jameson will be materializing to devotees at June's Exxxotica Miami show.

Previously: Jenna: dreams coming true at an alarming rate; Virtual (protected) Sex
See also: Jenna "offended and very upset..." (ynot); ClubJenna

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 24, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

During my recent convalescence I read an excellent article on Werner Herzog in April 22's New Yorker. At around the same time I spoke with Atomic Vixens director Ron Royster as he was making his way by car toward El Paso.

Read the New Yorker article, and then you will understand why I had every reason to believe Royster was going to dip below the border and never be seen again.

(Royster is fine and back in North Carolina now.)

Read the Atomic Vixens review here.

Previously: Royster to Los Angeles: I'm a fool to do your dirty work; Rikki don't lose that Royster (fleshbot); Texas' Asshole Massacre (just because)
See also: VCA, Eroticist Films

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 24, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Seka, Roy Karch, Christy Canyon, and Taylor Wane spoke candidly about balls on Playboy Radio the other night.

The Playboy studio is tastefully located between the Forest Lawn Cemetery (final resting place of L. Frank Baum) and the San Fernando Road McDonald's. The complex houses a radio studio as well as a small soundstage and audience area for the TV version of Night Calls.

Everyone on staff at the studio was very respectful and deferential to me, making sure to confirm that my turnoffs weren't actually turn-ons and vice versa.

"I just want to help people," I kept repeating. "I'm very sexual."

I was to watch both a radio taping and a TV taping of Night Calls, which are completely different shows. The former is a loose three-hour chat show that is hosted on Sirius and the latter is like "The Man Show" with the men removed and replaced by more trampoline segments. Jesse Jane hosts.

Taylor Wane sat in for Ginger Lynn on Playboy Radio, co-hosting Night Calls with Christy Canyon. The guests were director Roy Karch and Seka. Karch directed Seka a quarter century ago and directed Canyon through the eighties.

"Roy was well-known for eating out his female talent before they did a scene," Canyon said.

"I needed to get them in the right frame of mind," Karch replied. "I'm a giving person."

The women then had a conversation about shaved balls, but I couldn't follow it.

Seka has not made a studio movie in 15 years, she said, but still updates content on her website. With a light Virginia accent, a sensible sleeveless top, and cropped platinum hair, Seka is still unmistakeably a porn star. Lately she has been hanging out with wrestlers.

"I'll be appearing at Wrestling Reunion in New Jersey with Captain Lou Albano and the Iron Sheik," she reported.

"We travel in the same circles, Seka," I said.

It was a pleasure listening to Canyon, Karch, and Seka talk about the old times, especially as all three are still very involved in the business.

"The first time I saw you I was star-struck," Canyon said to Seka. "That was in 1982. You looked me over, turned on your heel and walked away."

"I might have been a little different then," Seka replied.

Conversation moved easily between Wane's effect on gay men to Karch's pre-show cunnilinguistics.

"Do you still do that to your talent?" asked Wane, who has not worked with Karch.

"No, I just play harmonica now," he replied, "but I'm still very oral."

The show didn't leave the aftertaste of a nostalgia tour (like the recent pairing of Def Leppard and Bryan Adams at the Fresno Grizzlies' AA baseball stadium) because the three veterans involved are still in the game.

I walked over to the TV studio, where I proceeded to get a series of blurry and conceptual shots of Jesse Jane, Kirsten Price, and vagina-toting female-to-male performer Buck Angel. Jane is our nation's most telegenic porn performer, but I think that lately her on-air performance classes must be over-emphasizing elocution.

"How do you like someone to eat your pussy?" asked Jane of Lacie Heart, but pronounced the last word pu-SEE-ah-ee-o.

"I like it when people lick the alphabet," Heart replied.

"Who knew eating puseeaheeo could be educatiaheenaeeal?" Jane quipped.

I left when it became clear I wasn't going to be able to try out the 58-character Cyrillic alphabet on Jane, including the sensual and non-Slavic Bashkir Qa.

Previously: Karch's luminescent pussy; One is the gooiest number; Visit her face too roughly; "Now lick it."; Jesse's girl
See also: Seka, Christy Canyon, Taylor Wane, Roy Karch, Playboy Radio

posted by Gram the Man at Saturday, April 22, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

When Bill Margold tells you to shut up, you definitely think about it.

The co-founder of the X-Rated Critics' Organization stood on the stage at the Century Club Thursday night and faced the same sort of crowd he increasingly faces; people who are not aware of the adult industry's history or Margold's place in it. In a business so clearly built on the backs of the young, old-timers who haven't made the transition to producers or company owners often feel forgotten.

The XRCO is a much smaller event than the AVN awards, but the two share a quick dropoff rate after the first few minutes as people with short attention spans wander in and out of earshot of the stage. Hence Margold's shrill warnings to not continue if people didn't "quiet down" or "shut up". I have only been to two of these award shows and he has said the same thing both times. No one quiets down or shuts up and he continues anyway. The net result is that those of us paying attention feel 1.) sorry for Margold's predicament, 2.) stupid for being treated like kids, and 3.) curious about the better time everyone else seems to be having.

The awards were hosted by Stormy Daniels, Lauren Phoenix, and Frank Bukkwyd, who is porn's go-to guy for non-sex roles. The three seemed to be comfortable with the fact that only the first couple of rows paid attention, so they didn't make the audience uncomfortable by complaining about how no one was paying attention. I am grateful for this.

Stormy and Lauren had a faux-bitchy repartee that consisted of lines like:

Stormy: Everybody knows that gonzo girls can't read, so why don't you just gape somewhere?
Phoenix: Why don't you have your publicist write something about you?

...which was fun until it looked like they meant it. There were some off-mic exchanges that looked pretty nasty, including Phoenix calling Daniels a "fucking asshole". Who knows? Maybe it was all staged. Porn is getting so highbrow and complicated lately.

The percentage of people who showed up for awards in general was about that of those who picked up their Hall of Fame placques: 60 percent. When Pirates won for Best Direction (Joone) and Best Release, only the director, Teagan, and Jesse Jane took the stage. This was different from when the entire Digital Playground staff accepted awards for the movie at the AVNs.

(Jesse Jane and Teagan should do a before-and-after commercial about the effects of prescription painkillers; one of them is very animated and one of them is very, er, isn't. I saw Jane the next night at a Playboy taping and am now convinced that the trademarked character Jesse Jane is less a human being than a complex series of robotically articulated gestures with a mouth. She managed to say the word "pussy" using about seven syllables.)



One could also have conversations at the XRCOs without having to deal with an awful house band and, because the venue was small and the event free, the lower-echelon but just-as-interesting people who couldn't make it to Vegas showed up to the XRCOs instead. That was nice.



But back to Bill Margold. That someone who has been around for so long and who has played a part in so many careers has to tell people to shut up is sad, but as anyone who has ever been or had a substitute teacher knows, the battle is lost long before the words "shut up" are ever spoken. Margold should know that trying to guilt a crowd into listening with ploys like "you probably don't know this, but - " can only end in frustration and tears.

Among the highlights were Hillary Scott thanking her asshole and two classy acceptance speeches by Randy Spears and new Hall of Famer Kylie Ireland, both of whom took their awards seriously and were gracious to the crowd.

As per usual, the audience fled to the lobby and smoking areas after the awards, which as always started late and ended pleasantly early, leaving the dance floor empty except for a lot of dry ice.

With the FAME awards coming up this summer, there are now four "major" adult awards shows per year; one in January, April, June, and November (the XBiz awards). This leaves a yawning void right around Labor Day. I might freak out if someone doesn't have a convention in September.

For studios, Wicked, Digital Playground, and Evil Angel picked up the most awards. A director overlooked in the gonzo category was overheard saying, "Well, my FAME votes have gone way up since I got a MySpace account."





Previously: Eve of Seduction; Old school v. Neu school
See also: XRCO 2005

posted by Gram the Man at Saturday, April 22, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I will be taking the cure until Friday.

In the meantime, why don't you acquaint yourself with my voluminous archives?

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 17, 2006 | 0 Comments Links to this post