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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Injunction junction: 30 more days of debauchery
 The following conversation never happened:(phone rings) GP: Hello? AG: Gram. It's Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. GP: The initials of your job are the same as the initials of your name. AG: Huh. Well I'll be an Ant's Grandmother. So they are! GP: What can I do for you? AG: Your online presence is sending tremors through the Force. GP: Did you get the tapes I sent you? AG: Yes. Plumpers. It's like Manifest Destiny, except the west coast is a waistband. Listen: we're extending the 2257 deadline until October 1, or rather have agreed to an extension of the original stipulation regarding a motion for a temporary restraining order. GP: "We"? AG: Yes. Us and the Free Speech Coaltion. GP: Bunch of goddamn hippies. AG: Ha ha. GP: Ha ha ha. AG: Ha ha ha. (How I despise them.) Oh, and by the way: all those people looting down in New Orleans? Terrorists. GP: You kids are great. I'm glad we're all being American about this. ¶ Wednesday, August 31, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post  
Again with the Nerdz
 The idea of a bunch of porn stars partying at my house doesn't appeal to me 1.) because they would displace all the porn stars already here and 2.) because, as Ashley Blue said to me the other night in re her upcoming bowling date: "I didn't get to say, 'No smellies.'"But Mallcom is running a promotion for Shane's World's Nerdz in which the winner will get the aforementioned porn star party but the Second Place winner will get an iPod and a PlayStation Portable. As Bridgette Kerkove says, "Go for Number Two." Many thanks to Chappaquiddick-bound Steve Javors for helping me get my Mallcom store up and running. Let's hope my affiliate program experiments don't end up Kopechne'd. ¶ Wednesday, August 31, 2005 3 Comments Links to this post
Porn Consumers Speak: "Not Enough Pimps."
 Does consumer demand drive the adult market or do companies create demand? How should I know? I have not left my state-owned rehab facility since 1993. But it appears to me that, if every "pimp" in America is making a porn video, then there are precious few who are still 100 percent dedicated to the ancient art of pimping.And do pimps watch other pimps' videos? If so, can they declare it as continuing education credits? I am further dismayed by the preponderance of war-ravaged-looking women who are supposed to be "teens" as long as they have lollipops and pig tails. Is the public clamoring for this, or do companies release this stuff and force the public to think that there are still serious questions left unanswered by the stacks of lollipop-slurping, finger-in-the-mouth tartlet-adorned DVDs they already own? Anyway, back to the pimps. Parkin' Lot Pimpin' explores the phenomenon of coaxing women into your limo as you pull up to the nightclub they are currently waiting in the parking lot of. Then you have sex with them, or they with you. This DVD also features Pimp Tips. ¶ Wednesday, August 31, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
How I Saved Digital Playground
 When I received a DVD copy of the Pirates trailer several weeks ago, along with a cash donation to my favorite charity (Spay the Whales), I was hesitant about giving it any coverage. "Surely, word of mouth will give this project the exposure it needs," I thought, reflecting on a 30-year career in adult entertainment that began with my participation in the infamous "Petting Zoo" of the 1975 World's Fair in Vienna. "Surely publicity will only cheapen it." Digital Playground publicist Anal Load Lee arrived at my home, sobbing, three nights ago. "Test audiences are confusing the trailer with (Michael Ninn's) Catherine and (Nic Andrews') Dark Angels 2," she cried, burying her check in my wallet. "The market is saturated with high budget couples' films." "Take it easy, baby," I said absently. "Daddy will think of something." "It has over 300 special effects shots," she offered. "And yet, though male characters have more lines in the trailer," I noted, "none of them gets any billing. You say you are the filmmaker's company, but you would get nowhere with my drum circle." "Jesse Jane was almost devoured by a shark during filming," she said. "You would have partially recouped your investment," I said, "as there are parts the shark couldn't have digested." "We have skeletons!" she wept. There it was. Pirates has skeletons in it. I looked at the trailer again. The entire stable of Bad Ass Models and Max Hardcore Productions were cavorting in nothing but their bones. I took Anal Load Lee's face in my hands. "Today's audiences don't like to see actual skeletons," I said. "Go back to your editing suites and create digital skeletons. I am confident Cousin Nick P. is good for something other than portraying ethnic stereotypes. You will take a hit on the budget, but I'm sure Adam & Eve is good for the difference." "Thank you, Gram," she said. She went through my house and gently woke up Jesse Jane, Teagan Presley, Sophia Santi, Rocki Roads, Tera Patrick, Janine, Devon, Jana Cova and, for some reason, Malou, who had all fallen asleep on my plush couches after their pillow fight. Pirates will be released in September. ¶ Tuesday, August 30, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Welcome WantedList and Flirt4Free
 The fine companies WantedList and Flirt4Free now have unobtrusive and aesthetically-pleasing presences on the sidebar.WantedList, which is often called the "NetFlix of Porn", stocks most of the films mentioned in the Reviews section (I might add another DVD retailer if it can fill the gap). Flirt4Free features pornstar chats as well as live chats with willing ladies from former second-world countries. Rarr! I have removed F4F's taxing javascript applet due to reader anguish and rage. I am nothing if not sympathetic to reader demands. ¶ Tuesday, August 30, 2005 2 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 29, 2005
World of Warcraft SEX!
 I promised posts about World of Warcraft, and I won't let you down. Click the link! It's sexy or something so you pussy-hounds will enjoy it.I have never seen behavior like this on my server in World of Warcraft, but it probably happens. If I've learned nothing else from working in porn, it's that people will beat off to anything, including fairies or whatever in some damn computer game. I find the uproar over the "nude content" in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas to be a non-story. After all, the game is clearly not designed for children. But I wrote an article a while ago for AVN Online magazine about a videogame with pretty heavy sexual content--EAGames' The Sims Online--that does seemed aimed at children, or at least teens. I'd link to the feature, but apparently they didn't keep it in their archives. Thanks, guys. The Sims Online was full to the gills with quasi-porn content, lousy with cyber-brothels, Mafioso, strip-clubs, porn movie studios (I swear) and other houses of ill-fame. I didn't have a problem with the sexuality in itself--it's a little geeky, but, hey, whatever floats your boat--but then I started talking to the people behind the sexy avatars of The Sims Online, and found that almost everyone (from my informal observations) was under 18... and the game-maker EA seemed to be encouraging sexuality in their fruity fake world. Initially, they'd spent truckloads of money developing the title, confident that an online version of their mega-hit The Sims would own the market. "We'll get the casual gamers to fork over 15 a month!" I'm sure some dope said, but they'd badly miscalculated their own industry. They imagined that the masses of non-hardcore gamers would flock to a fake world if it was designed to not be challenging in terms of skill, brains, creativity or anything else. The Sims Online was so ridiculously easy you could hardly call it a game at all. It was more like an animated AOL chatroom. Sound fun? The "game" aspect of TSO could easily be mastered in an hour or two, leaving players alone to dress their dolls, work fake jobs (including data entry on a virtual computer), build houses, and create another life. But EA again miscalculated by allowing players to design the content of the game. People are generally too stupid and lazy to do anything interesting with their real lives, so why anyone thought average people could create compelling content in a virtual world is beyond me. That's what professionals are for. Lacking the ability to create anything genuinely interesting with EA's graphics, players turned almost immediately to the prurient, creating garish, horrible buildings devoted to cheap thrills, giving themselves stupid, "sexy" nicknames, and creating a decadent, brightly colored cyber-hellscape... like how bad filmmakers gravitate toward porno. Most of the popular player-designed "lots" were sexual in nature on my server; strip clubs, dungeons and whorehouses where willing "prostitutes," who could be 15-year-old girls, or middle age shut-in dudes, would type dirty to you in exchange for a few easily obtainable cyber-dollars. The other popular kind of building was called something like, "New Players! Double Your Money!" and consisted of confidence scamming. Basically, the game was so boring, cyber-sex and thievery was the most interesting thing to do in it. The people at EA must have been shitting bricks when the intial sales numbers came in. No one played it. They had a multi-multi-multi million dollar turkey on their hands. But, late in the game, they seemed to have figured out what most teenagers did with their virtual world. They launched a last-gasp advertising campaign: Remember the commercials from a few years ago? A sexy computer-lady plays strip poker with a bunch of much younger boys. Suggestive and reeking of desperation, "Play our game...it'll be SEXY!" the ads screamed. EA created new, sexier outfits for the avatars (lingerie, leather). They dropped specially designed beds where characters could get it on, pixelated to be sure, but the moans and sounds were clearly sexual. Playing it felt peep-show-dirty. It was just a filthy place. Anyway, I thought it was interesting that probably the largest game manufacturer on earth seemed to be encouraging teenagers to engage in non-traditional sexuality in a "T-rated" title so they wouldn't take a bath on a videogame...and people say porn is made up of degenerates. I talked to several sim-hookers, sim-madams, and sim-pimps, after they assured me they were over 18; EA/Maxis may not mind sexualizing kids, but I do. They were kind of sad and hopeless. Then I called Maxis; told them what I was working on, outlined the point of my article, in order to give them a chance to counter my opinion that they were deliberately sexualizing a game marketed toward young teenagers. I called them many times and they never called me back. Apparently, Maxis was a little too high-and-mighty to return a call from a journalist within the porn industry, especially one who was on to them. If I were more ambitious, I would have pitched the idea to a more mainstream source, but what are you gonna do? I'm not. I wrote the article, relying a lot on an interview with "JC Soprano" a real-life, unemployed computer nerd who ran The Sim Mafia in game. He was a nice kid, actually, even if he specialized in pimping, vandalism and strong-arm intimidation in the virtual world. He confirmed my hunch for me: People were acting "bad" in the game because it was so damn boring to play it as intended.  (Look! You too can toil in a virtual factory for fake money! Fun, right?)Thankfully, The Sims Online has fallen almost completely off the radar in gameland. You can't buy it in stores,(although you can still download it here, just please, don't.) There is no new content pending, and the always-small player base is shrinking, with people heading for much more interesting social life simulators like Second Life and World of Warcraft. In short, The Sims Online is a dying world. See what happens when you don't return Steve Ochs' phone calls? ¶ Monday, August 29, 2005 4 Comments Links to this post
Nana, is that YOU?
 I talked to Hester Nash of Retroraunch.com the other day, and she is a nice lady. Her site features pictures of naughty ladies dating back to the 1860s. Long dead hussies for my masturbatory entertainment--sweet! Also, Hester is affiliated with Martha's Girls, a site of modern photographs posed and photoshopped to look like ancient porn. According to Hester, many people enjoy Martha's Girls because they like knowing that the women they're slavering over are still alive. Not me. I'm turned on by sepia-tones of once-nubile women who are now either rotten corpses or wizened crones. I like all my masturbatory experiences with a reminder of my (and your) inevitable, looming death. I'm goth like that. ¶ Monday, August 29, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Why Ashley Blue Might Be Cool
 The Seymore Butts bus was kind of a non-event, with a lot of people and no liquor. Since Playboy and Showtime were shooting it, the stripper music was all that noodly neo-porn synthesizer stuff that doesn't require rights being purchased for it. Lapdances were equally intentional and not, as every turn of the bus made someone fall across me. I'm not complaining.Though a good time was had by all (see pictures linked above), the bus ride was free. And who doesn't love a free bus ride? Aside from convicted felons? So the paying customer might have some hard choices. I spoke with Ashley Blue after we disembarked. AB: Would you like to take a picture of me? GP: Yes AB: Would you get some water out of my car? GP: Is that a condition of my taking a picture of you? AB: No. Somebody else got it for her, I think. AB: Would you back my car up for me? GP: This is a nice car. Someone else backed her car up, and almost hit the bus. AB: Would you like me to pose under the bus, looking all dead? AB: I think I have found my soul mate for all time. In the end, Blue did not pose underneath the bus looking all dead, but she did concede to my request to flip the bird to the camera, which is my favorite porn trick, and she also went one farther than the Finger in the Mouth move by sticking her whole fist in there. The only thing she didn't do was lick her knee, but she was being very gracious already and I hadn't even brought her any water. ¶ Monday, August 29, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
In the Realm of the Subbies
 Other than attending several years of Catholic school, I'd never been to a BDSM event before. What might I learn? I wondered. What can these people learn from me? The small gala was a benefit for The Threshold Society, which now has a brick and mortar location, Hollywoodland Studios in North Hollywood (next to Burbank Airport), to keep their whips and chains. "When we started in 1982 (as a chapter of the SoCal Society of Janus)," Threshold member Carlos P. said, "the only rules were 'Don't harass the doorman and Don't play with the owner's VCR.'" Featured in the benefit was some of Jay Moyes' fetish art. I asked why many of the figures had antennae. "I wanted to create a fembot out of motorcycle parts," Moyes said. "With cell phones already we're getting to the point of people having antennae sticking out of their heads." The event was catered with fine Costco meats and cheeses, as well as a punch called Masochism Mango Madness. I thought about the significance of a BDSM fete serving punch. There was no corresponding treat called accept. I spoke with director Jennifer James, who is going to be burning down a sound stage within the next few weeks as she begins shooting The Phantom of the Porn Stage. She told me that she is the only independent porn feature producer left, with everyone else having gone gonzo. She still owns a piece of all of her movies. "All the big name directors don't have a pot to piss in," she said. In the corner, an elderly woman with a mohawk called for snacks and a wispy young man got them. I talked with a woman for a while about 2257 regulations before she turned into a cone of snakes and caught fire. I overheard the following conversation: Man 1: We were going to have a chariot race out back...tie a submissive to a chair with wheels... Man 2: Do we have any pony girls? Man 1: Maybe just another subbie that we could dress up Man 2: The airport wouldn't like it. I developed a new respect for S.E. Hinton. There were very stringent rules about picture-taking, but I think it was more about having rules than what the rules were about. Everyone was very kind, but it was probably because, like Shaq, I am a dominant person when I loose my wrath. ¶ Monday, August 29, 2005 2 Comments Links to this post
The Two Diddies
 Since Tod-Hunter runs the Nubians section of Adam Film World, I have taken great joy in calling him "T-Diddy". Now that Sean "Puff Daddy" to "Puffy" to "Sean John" to "I'm a dork" to "P-Diddy" Combs has further shortened his name to "Diddy", there really is no point in calling Mr. Hunter "T-Diddy" anymore. All is lost. It is a time that has passed.
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Monday, August 29, 2005
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Friday, August 26, 2005
Friday Reviews: the fukt you say
 I try to discover the difference between fucked and fukt (there is none), I look for secrets of Natalie Knoxxx' departure from the industry (there were at least 12), and I discover the recipe for panocha in this week's reviews.
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Friday, August 26, 2005
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Missy Monroe's Birthday Party
 Let's say you don't want to spend $15 to see Kurt Lockwood's Not the Ramones tape a show. Would you spend $15 to attend Missy Monroe's birthday party? How about spend $15 for an AIM benefit? What I want you to know is that you have a choice in how you spend your 15 bucks tonight, including sending it to me.
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Friday, August 26, 2005
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This house is a party bus
 Remember the Gap Band's song "Party Train"? Nowhere in the song did it explain why the cost was only a nickel or a dime. Was it because the singer didn't know? Or was there a different type of service offered if one paid more? Did one have to swallow sperm?After months of planning and secret negotiations with federal, state, and local authorities, Seymore Butts' party bus takes off on its maiden voyage tonight from a location disturbingly close to the production company responsible for the execrable ABC show Love Cruise. The two have nothing in common, other than both are vehicles. ¶ Friday, August 26, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 25, 2005
The process
 I understand that David Mamet wrote an early draft of VCA Excessive's Fuck My Face, directed by Mr. Pete and featuring "Missy Monrow" and, OMG, Dillan Lauren going for the burrito."Fuck my face." "No, you fuck my face." "My face - " "I know about your face. What I'm saying - " "What I'm saying is: Your face." "My face? You fuck. Fuck my face. You - " "You fuck my face." "It's my face getting fucked here." "I see that cock in your face. I see that - " "There's a cock in my face, you fuck. A cock. A cock in. A cock in my - " "Shut your fucking face. Shut your face of the fucking going on inside it. Your face." "I love you." "Fuck my face." ¶ Thursday, August 25, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
The Flying Burrito Sisters
 "Ava Vincent was NOT as innocent as she makes it sound," said a source on the scene of yesterday's horrifying burrito fight between Vincent and Dillan Lauren, mostly captured by Showtime's Family Business cameras. "I was standing right in the middle of them. (The burrito) flew right by me," the source said.A feud that had been brewing since some clothes went missing (there is exhaustive coverage of the events leading up to the attack on AdultFYI) erupted on the set of Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party yesterday, when Vincent and Lauren exchanged accusations and harsh words and, eventually, Vincent went nuclear option and deployed her burrito. Vincent's claim that no one tried to break up the fight was false, according to the source, and then Vincent threw water at Lauren, who was already covered in guacamole. "Seymore (Butts) wants to paint the adult industry in a good light," the source said. The tension on the set was so high that most of the Pussy Party talent elected to go home and scrap the scene. It was later decided to book six additional girls, with Sammy Rhodes the lone holdout from the burrito era. ¶ Wednesday, August 24, 2005 4 Comments Links to this post
Acid Rain to release 200 hours of comps
 You know how every company and its mother is having a contest now? I think Acid Rain should sponsor a contest that will award the winner one of those 400-disc DVD changers along with all 10 of its 20-hour, four-disc compilation DVDs.The compilations have been culled from Acid Rain's archives, which rival those of the doomed library of Alexandria. Over the next few months, the porn-starved consumer will have his choice of Babes in Teenland, Young Girls Do, It’s a Black Thang, Anal Mania, Oh its So Big, Before They Were Stars, Melon Mania, Muff to Muff, Me So Horny, and Sexstravaganza (which, I'm assuming, is a compilation containing scenes in which people have sex with one another). This reminds me of the sequence in Leaving Las Vegas when Nicolas Cage stocks up on the alcohol that will eventually kill him. If you wanted to watch nothing but porn for over a week, continuously, and then document your decline, the compilation route would be the perfect way to do it. The only thing I've ever done for 200 hours straight is watch the Jennifer Connelly ass-to-ass scene in Requiem for a Dream; the writing was so goddamn good. ¶ Wednesday, August 24, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Porn Star Karaoke: Home early
 There is some kind of Legionnaires' convention in Las Vegas so Porn Star Karaoke was relatively dormant for my triumphant return after a month away and with a beard.I sat at a table with Jay Moyes and Lurk Ford and had the following conversation: GP and Lurk at the same time: What's new? GP and Lurk at the same time: What did you want to be when you were a child? GP and Lurk at the same time: Are you left frustrated by Israel's pullout of Gaza? GP and Lurk at the same time: What's the word on the street? GP and Lurk at the same time: Why don't we talk anymore? Then: LF: Describe your relationship with XBiz. GP: They worship me. LF: Describe your relationship with Fleshbot. GP: They worship me. LF: Describe your relationship with the Securities and Exchange Commission. GP: They worship me. LF: Will you be filling Tim Connelly's post? GP: Yes, and I am also the new publicist for Wicked. Then: GP: Tell me about your camera. LF: It cost $3,000, and came in several stages. GP and Lurk at the same time: Is there anything your strict moral code would prevent you from printing? LF: I have mellowed over the years. GP: Due to what? Judaism? Libel cases? Age? Fame? LF: I can't really say. GP: I guess I will have to read about it on your blog. And more of the same. As always, the drinks were fantastic. I left, hit several cars on the way out, and returned to my secret sarcophagus/lair beneath the Forest Lawn Cemetery. I included this picture of Joanna Angel because Lurk loves her. ¶ Wednesday, August 24, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Oh JC's Girls, Book II
 I was still cloudy on the concept of the Christian sex-worker ministry known as JC's Girls, so I decided to make a pilgrimage into the desert.The desert, of course, was Sylmar, California. One would think that with a name like Sylmar there would be both a forest and a sea to view, but one would be mistaken. The forest seemed to be a roadside lot filled with potted plants and the sea was most likely the L.A. aqueduct water filtration plant by the highway. I think at one point in the region's history there might very well have been a Syl but, barring major tectonic adjustments, there was never any Mar. What better place, then, to hang around with the unlikely pairing of photographer/pornographer James DiGiorgio and the three proper missionary ladies from Riverside who want to make Jesus the V.I.P. in your champagne room?  Heather Veitch is a former stripper and softcore performer who was born again a few years ago. This year she recruited church buddies Lori and Tanya (last names withheld) to join her in a ministry to sex workers. On their initial outing they went to a Riverside strip club, bought lap dances at the exact same time from several different peelers, and each gave a two-minute spiel once they got to the private booths. Tanya remembers that her entreaty was politely dismissed, whereas Lori's stripper broke down in tears. "Jesus needed me to be more successful," Lori said. "He needed me to face a challenge," Tanya said.  So the three women have become the public face of this ministry and, due to DiGiorgio's involvement with porn crusaders XXXChurch (which apparently lost him work after some harsh critiques in AVN), Heather, Lori, and Tanya came to Sylmar for a photo session at DiGiorgio's studio and an interview with A Current Affair. That the three women have porn-worthy looks is, Veitch said, useful to the ministry. "We need to talk to people in the industry, so they need to be comfortable with us," she said. Lori said that, aside from a fetishist wanting her to step on him at Erotica LA, she has felt very comfortable with the porn crowds she has met so far. Neither Tanya nor Lori were involved in the industry otherwise. "Heather was tinting my hair at her salon and she started talking about God," Lori recalled. "I thought, 'this woman really likes God.'" I asked if conventionally-unattractive women could have a place in JC's Girls. "You know, women who might look like female versions of me," I said. "There's always room for people to be involved," Lori said, "whether in planning or behind-the-scenes or wherever God sees fit to place them." JC's Girls operates out of a ministry called Matthew's House, which is based at a Riverside church called Sandals. Sandals is affiliated, and receives some financial support from, the Southern Baptist Convention, Tanya said, but Sandals isn't strictly regimented like SBC services. "Sandals has rocking services," Tanya said. "At 35, I'm one of the older people there." JC's Girls took pains to explain that they did not judge people in the sex industry, but wanted to let sex workers know they had religious options. "Jesus sat in Matthew's House with the prostitutes and sinners," Lori said. "He didn't judge from on high." Tanya confirmed that Sandals is a so-called Bible-believing church, which maintains that the Bible is "the inspired word of God."  According to the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus was attacked by religious leaders for keeping low company at Matthew's dinner table. He responded, "They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." (Matthew 9,12) So while JC's Girls say they do not come from a judgmental place, there is an indication in Matthew that the ministry is for "sick" people if the verse is to be believed. I asked Heather if I could continue shooting porn if I attended her church. "We hope you come to our church and then let God tell you what to do," she said. DiGiorgio was asked by the Current Affair reporter how the industry might respond to JC's Girls and their presence at next January's Adult Entertainment Expo. He said that one of the mistakes people make about the industry is that the industry has a uniform response to anything. "Some people might be tolerant, some people might not be," he said.  I agree with this. I think the industry will treat JC's Girls like another niche, and certainly not a destructive one. I think if the ministry's tactics become heavy-handed or if church visits result in an invasive laying-on of hands (without payment) there will be no future for them. That said, I also see the need for not giving answers like, "No, ugly women can't be in JC's Girls" and "Yes, we do judge you." But we live with contradictions and bits of polite misinformation every day. Like there being no woods or ocean in Sylmar. Like A Current Affair calling itself a news program. Like JC's Girls really believing that people in the industry aren't sick. ¶ Tuesday, August 23, 2005 1 Comments Links to this post
Machine Porn
 If you've ever wanted to turn on your computer (and when I say "turn on" I mean in a sexual sense!!1LOLZ!), go here. It's all of Deep Throat rendered in ascii. I don't know why anyone would want to do that either. Also on the ancient-computer-sex front, electronic historian Jason Scott has compiled this collection of sex guides and dirty stories written and distributed in the pre-Internet days of 1980s BBS systems. The yearning for sexual intimacy among these never-gonna-get-laid Reagan-era geeks is at once hilarious and oddly touching; each "surefire sex guide" and erotic story is like a picture-window into the hidden desires and frustrated dreams of old-school nerds, and really, aren't we all old-school nerds at heart? Here's the opening from one of my favorites, "The Art of Sex" by Cloaked Warrior: "Well here we go. To have sex with a girl (I assume the readers of this file are men, boys, and lesbians) the EASIEST way is to go to a local cemetary." ...and some timeless advice from The Complete Guide to Laying a Girl V1.1: "Sneak you hand under her skirt and pat her back. If she wears a bra put you hand under the stripe (the one above her back - but don't open it - let your hand travel under the bra surface and forward to her tits. Don't touch hard there - it hurts. If she resists get you hand out of there quickly. We will continue later with this. Give her 10 minutes of rest from the last event. Talk about something else. (Remember - Don't ask her why she resists. Just ignore.)" ¶ Tuesday, August 23, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Baker's Dozen #5 and #6
 "Gorgeous faces become glazed doughnuts" is the motto of this latest installment of Baker's Dozen from Platinum X Pictures. It is hard to imagine the face of Alektra, caught here unawares as she takes her mid-morning break before pulling her pants the rest of the way up, becoming like unto a glazed doughnut, but that, as T-Diddy Hunter will tell you, is the magic of film.What happens in these pictures is sort of a hybrid niche form that is yet another testament to the ingenuity and innovative American spirit of our industry, though Platinum X's Brandon Iron is Canadian: the starlet will fuck one person alone before taking on 12 men at a time. "This will either disgust or excite you," Iron says. The DVD includes a preview for Baker's Dozen #6 as well as one of the few appearances of Natalie Knoxx, who alighted on the industry and then, as quickly, took off. I'm sure there is yet another German word--I bet the Goo Girls know some--that describes the film that made you leave the adult industry. I'm not saying Baker's Dozen #5 is it, but every now and then a scene captures the unmistakable expression of "what am I doing here?" or "I am going to spend my life in this industry and then get my degree in Clinical Sexology" on the faces of the talent. Perhaps we might see that expression on Knoxx's face prior to, you know, all the semen being deposited on it. ¶ Tuesday, August 23, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 22, 2005
Healthy Request: Regan Anthony to acknowledge, fuck other sex
 The arc of a porn career can't be plotted the same way for everyone. Some actresses might only appear in scenes with toys or other women before eventually and with much fanfare doing boys, then doing anal, then double anal, then getting a steady boyfriend and only doing girls again. Others pay no attention to a progression and get stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey from the moment they set foot off the Greyhound into my pimped-out handicapped-accessible minivan. Regan Anthony, who is so small she could stand on a quarter sitting at the bottom of my pocket (this niche is called Numismatics and involves putting girls on coins or coins in girls and I am making million$ from my affiliate programs dedicated to it), is taking the first route. Having been a dancer who then moved to G/G scenes, she has just shot two B/G scenes, the most recent with Julian, whose package Kiki D'aire once described as "like a soup can." As Anthony, the reigning Miss Petite Nude World (I didn't know of this competition either) is herself the size of a soup can, one can only imagine what the scene with Julian looked like. Picture lifted from Alpha Pro. ¶ Monday, August 22, 2005 1 Comments Links to this post
VORE VORE VORE VORE
On the same day I learned of the existence of vorephelia ("the interest/sexual fetish in which a person fantasizes about eating another person and/or creature, or being eaten") I saw Werner Herzog's Grizzly Man, a documentary about addle-pated enviromentalist Eric Treadwell and his girlfriend being eaten by bears. The Universe works in mysterious ways.
This movie is only sexy to vorephiliacs and people who are turned on by great art. ¶ Monday, August 22, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Roger Ebert, Porn Hound
 Pornocrats love to crow about the “mainstreaming” of porn—“Ron Jeremy was on a reality show! Jenna Jameson is practically a household name!”--and in a sense they’re right. Porn is mainstream in that it’s all over the damn place, but the porn-industry’s longing for legitimacy, for a widespread acceptance of x-rated videos as cultural products or even works-of-art, will never happen. Ever.Americans have rightly relegated porn to the back rooms of video stores and the fringes of cultural awareness. Everyone knows it’s out there, and most people are cool with it existing to varying degrees, but it will never be taken seriously because the real goal of a porn movie--to help lonely fellas masturbate—is embarrassing to most people and diametrically opposed to any other artistic intention. I worked reviewing X-rated videos for AVN, for more than a year, and I never saw a porn flick that was “good” for anything other than inspiring masturbation.* Production wise, porn, at its very best, looks about as good as a Canadian soap opera. The writing is horrible. The acting is worse. Porn that tries to be “deep” and/or meaningful is unintentionally hilarious and prompts “It’s like they’re trying to be a real movie!” from viewers all over the world. Even the big ticket, large-budget features directed by the “greats” of porn (and you know who I’m talking about) have only one saving filmic grace: Lots of naked broads having sex.** But look at this: Porn’s shining moment in the cultural spotlight. Back in the early ‘70s, when porn-movies were new and sort of popular, Pulitzer-Prize-winning critic Roger Ebert took the newborn adult industry seriously enough to write reviews of dirty flicks. More amazingly, The Chicago Sun-Times printed them. Here’s a collection of those reviews, a snapshot of a brief moment when porn was taken seriously. *An important and noble pursuit. **If you’re not a self-deluded producer of porn product, I’m sure you’re saying, “No shit, Sherlock” to yourself, but believe it or not, there are a lot of people in “the industry” who believe they are doing something other than helping people jerk off. I’ve talked to them. ¶ Monday, August 22, 2005 1 Comments Links to this post
City of Ass Fukt
 Ass Fukt wins the "Lick My Love Pump"/Aristocrats award for Most Unfortunate Pairing of Art to Title.Liliane Tiger doesn't so much look like she was just about to be ass fukt on Matt Westphalen's boxcover for VCA as she looks like she's posing for the new Yield signs in the town I want to live in. The world is crazy. I'll be reviewing this film on Friday. Whatever the movie might, er, entail, this is a great cover. ¶ Monday, August 22, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Happy Birthday
 To photographer Rachel Worth, agent Harry Weiss, metalist Tim Case and coy mistress Missy Monroe. I tried to find a double anal cake, an Iron Maiden cake, and a New Jersey longshoreman's cake to suit the whole party, but I settled on Fudgie the Whale (Cookie Puss was being shaved).
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Monday, August 22, 2005
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
Archives up to date
 If you are doing your term paper or science project on Gram Ponante: Porn Valley Observed, you and your granting organization will be pleased to know that the archives are now fixed, thanks to my dear friend, Brother William of Baskerville.
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
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Saturday, August 20, 2005
Are You There, Porn? It's me, Steve Ochs
 While webmaster/Bon Vivant Gram Ponante is guest-blogging on Fleshbot he asked me to take up some of the slack for him here. I’m honored. As Gram is knob-gobbling for the techno-crati I’ll hang out in this cesspool with you fucking perverts. My turn-ons: Vore, H.P. Lovecraft, and Money. Turn offs: Mean People. PS--I won’t be referencing The Lord of the Rings or Jaws; I’m all about World of Warcraft and Judy Blume. ¶ Saturday, August 20, 2005 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 19, 2005
Love Letters to Black Size Queens
 I believe A.R. Gurney has become a porn publicist.The press release for the new West Coast Productions joint, Black Size Queens, features a head-scratching conversation between one of the male talent and his size queen counterpart that I'm sure isn't replicated as dialogue in the film. Male Talent: Is that fear in your eyes or simply the look of anticipation? Your big, thick, juicy lips wrap themselves around over a yard of my thick pulsating man meat and swallow down each and every inch. Did I meet your requirements both in stature and spectacle? Female Talent: The look you see in my eyes is that of one who is obsessed with your massive manhood. My honey pot drips in apprehension, part my lips and enter slowly so I can relish every moment. I am left quivering in ecstasy, spent and used. While a yard, last I checked, is three feet, these remain very powerful words. I have added a little dialogue for connoisseurs of high quality erotic literature. Male Talent: I am going to slap you on the head with this thing, you vulvalicious tartlet, if you don't stop making those faces. They pain me. They remind me of something, someone, long ago, whom I also had to hit over the head with the six-foot railroad tie that dwelleth yonder my pants way. Please stop making those faces. I may cry. Female Talent: The look on my face is one of regret, frankly. Regret that we are involved in a needles war. A psychic war. Like Blue Oyster Cult sang about. Stop hitting me with that 10-foot schlong, would you? It reminds me of the pole that delivers my poor phone service. I hope we get paid in cash because Del Taco charges every time you use your debit card. ¶ Friday, August 19, 2005 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday reviews: great expectations
 I remember Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert getting into a big discussion about Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket when that movie came out. Siskel liked it and Ebert had a real problem because, though he would have enjoyed the movie had it been made by someone else, he was very disappointed in Kubrick's effort.I expected more, and got less, from Joe Gallant's UltraVixens, got just what I expected from Phat Buttz Drain My Nutz!, and didn't know what to expect from Exxxstasy Island. The reviews are linked above. ¶ Friday, August 19, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Jay Moyes: Flames, Floggers, & Fangs
 Flames, Floggers, & Fangs, a fetish art show to benefit BDSM organization Threshold, will take place at Hollywoodland Studios, 11300 Hartland Street, North Hollywood, from 6 to 11 p.m. on August 27.I talked with the young man responsible for the bespectacled, asymmetrically-breasted firewoman image, so common in the writings of Thomas Paine: Jay Moyes. Moyes is the Production Manager at AVN, an adult industry trade magazine located in Chatsworth, CA, near the Baja Fresh. You might remember George Harrison's 1972 charity spectacular, The Concert for Baja Fresh, but Jay Moyes doesn't, because he hadn't been born yet. Moyes' art is reminiscent of Edward Gorey's, if Gorey had had a jones to have the shit beaten out of him rather than attend the ballet. GP: Have you ever thrown an art "happening" before? Are you some kind of bohemian? JM: We did a group showing called Y-Heels in January. It was a show of Transgender artists and Transgender art in San Francisco. GP: What is a stereotype of the BDSM community that just isn't true? JM: The leather-clad Dominatrix. Most of the folks I know in the scene my parents would feel perfectly comfortable having over for dinner. There's an assumption that we all just walk everywhere clad in leather looking like a cover from an 80's metal band. GP: What is your favorite 80's metal band? JM: Gotta be Motorhead. One of these days I want to do a tribute comic to Motorhead called "Lust in the Ozone." I don't get it. GP: That fire-woman looks like she means business. Are you into dragons and vore? JM: More of a Cyber-psycho kind of guy, but I love sprinkling mythology and fantasy into the mix. I like Cyberpunk, but my world is more like Shadowrun. GP: What the hell are you talking about? JM: Imagine Dungeons and Dragons set in Seattle around 2025; Elf prostitutes, wizard hackers, orc patrols. I tell him that Master Elrond has named me Elf-friend, and I have a timeshare at the Grey Havens where I'm boning Cirdan's wife while he's working on the boats. GP: How would you characterize the art you're showing next week? JM: There's a lot of kustom kulture style in my work. Vampire themes and fetish Dommes. I have more, such as some Leatherman pieces, but the name does encompass a lot. I have some furry art, there's a lot of black leather wings. GP: You had me at Motorhead. If you could be a character from myth, what kind of character would it be? JM: I've gotta say I identify the most with the female warrior type. Life is a quest, isn't it? GP: My life is meaningless since listening to The Sexorcist. But do you mean Xena? Eowyn, shieldmaiden of Rohan? Grendel's mom? JM: Tarna. Know anyone with a souped up, overgrown canary? GP: Your geekiness is different from my geekiness. ¶ Friday, August 19, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 18, 2005
A Man Called Necro (pt. 1)
 One of those slick publicist types took me to dinner a week ago. She watched patiently as I emptied half-carafe after half-carafe of red wine, the dark kind, and as I lost a set of tongs in the fondue pot - twice. When the bill came, she took the real leather folderette and slipped in a ready Gold Card. "What'll this cost me?" I asked."Listen to this," she said, and handed me a CD by a man named Necro called The Sexorcist. "You might say something about it on that thing you write for. It's got porn people in it. And mad beatz." "I'm not your whore," I said, horrified, and borrowing some cab fare, left. ***************** Brooklyn-born Necro, 29, released an album earlier this month called The Sexorcist. It is about as bleak a horror movie as Larry Clark's Kids and makes 2LiveCrew's 1991 album As Nasty As They Wanna Be seem like a Saturday Evening Post cover. People might call Sexorcist misogynist but I don't think that word really covers the breadth of the steady, casual anger on this record. It was shocking. I debated whether to give it any coverage at all, but then I thought that it is ultimately more helpful to be aware of something than ignorant of it. Plus, I tried to imagine myself noot understanding English and concentrating on tha mad samplez. Necro's side of the following instant messenger conversation was entirely capitalized. GP: Mr. Necro, this is Gram Ponante. Necro: WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? GP: Your album, The Sexorcist, is shocking. Did you intend for it to be shocking? Necro: JUST DOING MY THING. RAISING THE BAR WHENEVER I CAN. GP: I understand that you're "Necro" when you rap... Necro: THE SEXORCIST IS MY PORN ALIAS. GP: Oh, like Gram Ponante. My real name is Ronnie James Dio. Necro: DIO IS AWESOME. GP: So Necro's themes are different from the Sexorcist? Necro: WHEN I'M NECRO I TEND TO RAP MORE VIOLENCE AND GORE. THUG SHIT. JUST VERY DARK SHIT. BUT I HAVE MANY STYLES. GP: Such as? Necro: AT THE SAME TIME I CAN BLUDGEON SOMEONE. GP: Yes? Necro: I CAN ALSO SWEET-TALK A WOMAN. Ron Jeremy, Jerry Butler, Katja Kassin, and Avy Lee Roth all make cameos on the album. These cameos were recorded in California or over the phone. The album was mixed in New York. Necro said that none of the porn guests knew what was going to be on the album. GP: Since you mix styles, do you think you might do a soft rock album, like Seals & Crofts or Loggins & Messina, except with bludgeoning? Necro: THAT'S HOT. BUT I DOUBT IT. MORE SABBATH. SABBATH IS NOT SOFT ROCK. SABBATH ARE THE GODS. ORIGINATORS OF ALL METAL. I BOW DOWN TO SABBATH. GP: The Sexorcist made me doubt my will to live, so it's hard for me to imagine that your other rap stuff is darker. Can you give me an example? Necro: THE SEXORCIST SHIT IS DARK. (Sample lyric: "I fuck you where you make your doodie, start shaking bootie/While rockin' thongs, spread your crevice/Get prepared for the rubber prongs/I know this bitch that'll suck your dick for three cracks/And her clitoris lips be hanging down to her kneecaps/Your cunge is lunch, I'll plunge into your vaginal sponge." - Necro, once known as Ron Braunstein, made his bar-mitzvah in 1989.) BRUTAL. MY OTHER SHIT IS MORE BRUTAL. NECRO DEATH RAP IS BRUTAL LIKE "I CUT YA FUCKING HEAD OFF." SEXORCIST BRUTAL IS LIKE "I CHOKE YOU WHILE I FUCK YOU BITCH AND BITE YA NIPPLES." GP: Yes. Necro: MY DEATH RAP DOES INSPIRE VIOLENCE AMONG THOSE CAPABLE. GP: Why the fascination with porn stars, and incorporating these people into your record? Necro: RON JEREMY GOT HOOKED UP THROUGH (agent) MARK SPIEGLER. I HAVE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH MARK EVEN WHEN I DROPPED A PORNO MOVIE CALLED SEXY SLUTS. Sexy Sluts never found a distributor, though it starred Lanny Barbie (pictured with Necro, who said, "SHE LOOKS LIKE A CRACKHEAD"). GP: Jerry Butler read from his book, "Raw Talent," on your DVD. Necro: HE TAKES A CRAP ON EVERYONE IN THE GAME. SO I WOULD CALL RON WITH JERRY BUTLER ON THE PHONE. HIM AND RON ALWAYS HAD A LITTLE COMPETITION. ESPECIALLY DURING THE GINGER LYNN RAPE CRAP. GP: Competition about the (alleged) rape? Necro: NO THEIR CAREERS. JERRY IS A COMEDIAN. AND PORN LACKS HUMOR. GP: I agree. Necro: I WANTED TO GET INTO PORN YOUNG, BUT COULDN'T GET IN. FIRST PERSON TO SHOW ME LOVE WAS (late director) BOBBY HOLLANDER. HE WOULD TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE, BECAUSE HE WAS FROM BROOKLYN, TOO. GP: What is the difference betweeen porn and hip-hop? Necro: PORN IS CONSIDERED TALENTLESS. WHAT I DO TAKES MASSIVE TALENT. NOT ANY SCHMUCK CAN DO IT. BUT I AM PORN. I/M JUST A DIFFERENT SIDE OF IT. GP: The side with talent, right? Necro: NECRO CAN DO ANYTHING HE PUTS HIS MIND TO AND SUCCEED. BUT I WOULD NEVER BE MALE TALENT. THAT IS NOT MY CRAFT. AND IT'S DEGRADING, BECAUSE I'M NOT PAYING DUES LIKE STEVE HOLMES. GP: Will you be touring with The Sexorcist? Necro: 2006. I DON'T SLEEP UNTIL I SLEEP. Necro and I then talked about 50-Cent, Eminem, and she-males. I'll print that next week. ¶ Thursday, August 18, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
New Pirates cover released
 Digital Playground has updated its boxcover for the three-disc Collector's Edition of a movie that has yet to be released. I'm assuming that there will be a less-expensive single-disc version for the non-collector after the September 12 premiere at the Egyptian Theatre, possibly with Kandi Kream stepping in for Jesse Jane and, of course, me playing the part of Teagan.
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005
The first rule of Asian Mouth Club 3
 ...is You do not talk about Asian Mouth Club 3 until it hits shelves and your favorite VOD player in late September.That is why we will, instead, talk about AMC3 director David Aaron Clark and Lurk Ford. "I think that between your mordant flirtations/exploitations of on the one hand poor, doomed lunatic shikse Heidi (I originally thought this concerned Ford's fascination with another shikse named Heidi - GP) and shallow, glib narcissist J(oanna) Angel on the other, you begin to occupy a truly Rothian territory in (your) latest evolution, at least in terms of your lust/disgust thralldom to what is commonly referred to as "Insane: So Hopefully Insane Enough to F--- Me," Clark writes to Ford. Earlier on his site, Ford explains that it's not that he out-and-out hates the industry that has been his sole source of income and that he has vowed to destroy, but justifies the need for a separation between his two lives. "I like a lot of people in porn, but if they started flooding into my writing club or hiking club or Australia club or cricket club, I wouldn't like it," he writes. This is why Ford, with whom I have played tennis every day for the past six years, except on Sukkot, when we play badminton, suddenly asked me to leave his hiking club. "There are dingoes in Runyon Canyon," he said, averting his eyes over the phone. "They savaged my sheila." That leads me to what I think is the inevitable question: Would Ford belong to any Asian Mouth Club 3 that would have him as a member? ¶ Wednesday, August 17, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
My mother's people were ashamed of me
 When I sell out and write my mainstream tell-all book about the porn world (hint: there is no birth certificate bearing the name Lisa Sparxxx or Courteney Cummz), one of my chapters will concern the adult industry's concept of Hell.In VCA's Cum Greed (you may have heard the hit single on AM radio, sung by Cher and Britney Rears: Cum Greed, that's all I ever heard/Cum Greed, how I learned to hate the word/Cum Greed, she's no good they warned/Both sides were against me since the day I was born), director Martin Del Toro caters to a purplish, Judaeo-Christian version of Hell, more acceptable to people on the outside, when people who are actually on the bleeding edge of this industry are all Buddhists. ¶ Wednesday, August 17, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Get fucked for Legend
 Legend Video, distributor of Nicole Moore's MILF Money, among other things, is looking for female contract stars.I usually avoid printing press releases verbatim (except when I was compelled to by various trade magazine employers or if the release in question was penned by Steve Banan), but I think it's worth making an exception here because, I think, nothing relevant to the position is left out. From Nelson X at Legend Video: Attention all hot chicks! Have you dreamt of living a glamorous life free of real work and responsibility? Of course, you have! 9 to 5 jobs are for minorities and ugly people. Not you! God has blessed you with big tits, a tight pink pussyhole, and very little common sense and morality. You were born to fuck for money! And, Legend Video is ready to help you live your dream! Legend Video is looking to sign attractive, bubbly, motivated young women with ample jugs and gaping buttholes to lucrative six-picture-a-year contracts. The contracts also include a profitable toy promotion deal, as well as in-store signing ventures. "It's a great time to have a vagina," says Legend PR Guru Nelson X. "It's like being the only kid on the block with a PSP. It makes you special." Legend contract girls will be expected to act in features, sign autographs, and show up to all scheduled engagements. Therefore, all applicants must know how to read, write, and tell time. This is non-negotiable. Applicants must also be attractive. No fatties, oldies, or crack junkies. Chicks with odd looking faces need not apply. That look may work for Picasso and Wicked Pictures, but Legend prefers classic beauty features. "We're looking for girls who are pretty and professional," says Legend Video owner Jack Richman, "The kind of girl you'd be proud to take home to mom. You know if your mom was a raging dyke." If you're an attractive girl who would like to ejaculate strange men with your anal and vaginal openings for piles of cash, please contact Nelson X at 818-734-4200 or at nelsonx@legendvideo.net. Serious inquiries only. Blowing Nelson X during interviews is encouraged & accepted, but does not guarantee employment or anything other than a possible visit to your local health clinic. ¶ Tuesday, August 16, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
The Outsiders
 Folks who don't spend much time reading porn message boards will be pleased to know that in every thread, whether the subject is anal cream pies or bukkakes (the range isn't very great on porn message boards), there is at least one post that goes like this:"Sudenly anybody who picks up a camera is calling himself a directpor." "Picks up a camera" can of course be substituted for "gets a camera for Christmas", but the context is clear: directing porn movies isn't for hacks or the inexperienced. Regardless, Madness Pictures and WantedList have teamed up to sponsor a contest that will fly a winner to Porn Valley to direct an upcoming Madness release and be credited as the director. "It may very well be a stepping stone for some lucky winner to take their interest in porn one step further into the working aspect," muses Madness (whose site, by the way, is refreshingly easy to look at). While Andre Madness talks about "one step further", the band Madness was known for "One Step Beyond". I think it's probably a coincidence, but I need to cover my ass for the Pulitzer Committee. I expect that when I win this contest I won't have Madness looking over my shoulder and compromising my unique vision, even as I point the camera directly at my face and fail to press the power button. ¶ Tuesday, August 16, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 15, 2005
How much for a lunch with a happy ending?
 I remember the heady thrill of going to my first porn set, Whoriental Sex Academy 4, and now Defiance Films and Taylor Rain want to give that experience to two lucky people. Rain, Defiance, and Mallcom will grant a trip to a Rain-directed porn set to the lucky winners of either the ebay auction linked above or the person or entity drawn from the pool of whomever purchases a Defiance title from Mallcom or otherwise spends $250 there. I guess the cheapest way to get in on the drawing is to buy a Defiance movie from Mallcom or become a porn blogger of great renown like myself. But you would still have to buy lunch in the latter option, and who wants to do that when lunches are made from oil nowadays? I hope the Make A Wish Foundation bids big on this. ¶ Monday, August 15, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Self-fulfilling prophecy
 One of the things Gen Padova suggests in Revenge of the Butt'Er Face to keep her boyfriend and continue paying his bills is "I'll even fuck Dave Pounder."Could it be because of slights like this that Pounder is hanging it up and moving to Indiana? Pounder has always seemed as earnest and articulate as he is reviled. Perhaps he will hit upon the formula for success in that Bloomington doctoral program. Lord knows I didn't find the answers at Bogue Chitto Community College. About the picture: I wanted to find an image of Bill Bixby, thwarted yet again, heading down another lonesome highway at the end of an "Incredible Hulk" episode but I was too goddamn lazy. ¶ Monday, August 15, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Moonlighting
I'll be the guest editor of Fleshbot this week, so toggle between the sites for creative cross-pollenation (like Fleshbot needs hits from me...)
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Monday, August 15, 2005
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
Marijuana makes you fuck rabbits
 AUSTRALIA -- Sydney resident Brendan McMahon was charged with possession of cannabis after his arrest early Friday morning. If that wasn't enough, he was also charged with having intercourse with, genitally mutilating, and killing several rabbits and perhaps a guinea pig. I'm assuming he used the guinea pig as a guinea pig for the rabbits. Now that I think of it, this probably isn't funny, and has nothing to do with the porn industry in the San Fernando Valley. If you'd like to know more about quirky Australians, click here. ¶ Sunday, August 14, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Study: Tull, Mari Possa Rule
 Meanwhile, back in the Year One:At the home Mari Possa shares with Seymore Butts there is a pool, a tiki hut, a very good dog, and several hundred inches of television. But there was also this flute. ¶ Saturday, August 13, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 12, 2005
Thoughtful Reviews by Gram
 This week's reviews include VCA's Kill Girl Kill 2, Digital Playground's Posh Kitten, 1st Strike's Built for Filth, and SkinTight's Revenge of the Butt'er Face.
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Friday, August 12, 2005
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It needs to stop
Have you ever laughed at someone's joke, only to have the laugh turn sour in your mouth when the jokester asks, "Liked that one, didn't you?"?
Have you ever heard a person tell the same casual, off the cuff story to two different groups of people, acting as if the story just occurred to him? The way I feel in those situations is the way I feel when I see a picture like this:  There is no need for rabbit ears in photos in America, in 2005. A Google search for "rabbit ears" yielded this picture, and now these two hillbillies are on a porn site. Nothing against hillbillies, or porn sites, mind you (A MikeSouth.com exclusive). And then there's this:  It turns out that the middle finger is the new rabbit ears. I don't know Barrett Blade, and I'm sure he's a kind man and a philanthropist, but the Smokin' Crack director has fallen prey to a porn fad that just makes people look dumb. Why give the finger to the camera? Is Barrett saying, "Fuck you; I've got two women kissing behind me"? Think how many more women you'd have, Barrett, if you were polite! Are you going to be performing Jesse Jane's wedding with that finger? Also:  Now I wouldn't kick Teagan Presley out of bed for getting pregnant, but the finger in the mouth thing isn't sexy, yet everybody does it. Perhaps a social anthropologist might tell me where this custom came from. There are two kinds of FitM shots: the one above, in which the subject appears to be accessible-yet-clueless, and the one below, in which the subject appears sexually ravenous but drugged:  As the porn world seems to catch on to some trends late (craft services, swag bags, spell-check) and rides the cutting edge on others (pubic-area shaving), I hope the middle finger/FitM trends run their course really soon, to make way for other fads, like blogging. Labels: BARRETT BLADE, FitM, teagan presley ¶ Friday, August 12, 2005 5 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Can One Swallow Nerdz?
 Rob Longshot has parlayed his success as a karaoke Nine Inch Nails song stylist into a featured role as a "Nerd" in Shane's World's self-described first feature, the gonzo Nerdz."I'm not doing scenes anymore," the amicable-despite-his-karaoke-repertoire Longshot told me two weeks ago, so Nerdz might be the last time you get to see him perform, in addition to other stars like Hillary Scott, Katsumi, Karina Kay, Avy Lee Roth, and Alexis Malone as well as some promised cameos. Did Keiko forbid Rob from doing scenes? I would ask, but I need to do some dishes. Nerdz arrives somewhere between Sept. 12 and 19. There is a funny preview at the link above. ¶ Thursday, August 11, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Study: Women require orgasms
 New Sensations is releasing a good old-fashioned porn loop of people you know and people you don't know "having" "orgasms".Included in the mix are Jenna Jameson, Sunrise Adams, Brooke Balentyne, Loni, Haley Daniels, Angela Crystal, Aria, Domino, Skylar Knight, Keri Windsor, Syren Smiles, Nomi, Nina, Chandler, Haven, Ashley Sage, Jacynda, Luna, Samantha Foxx, Dyn-A-Mite, Nokil, Isabella, Kelsey, Jewel De'Nyle, Dayton Rains, Justine Romee', Gauge, Hannah Harper, Gina Lynn, Amanda Rain, Zana and Aztec Queen. But not Apache Chief. You see, each of these gals is serviced by the Sybian Sex Machine, which some industry experts have said is the harbinger of doom for male talent and others have said Would You Like to do Some Rails? What Was the Question? The Greatest Female Orgasms (Ever) is available now. ¶ Thursday, August 11, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
One is the gooiest number
 When one is a porn actress in Germany, one can expect to be subjected to all manner of depravities involving goo. This should not surprise one.The latest release from John Thompson's German Goo Girls series is titled "Can One Swallow Sperm?" An informal poll conducted by our reporter of 47 porn starlets lounging around the gumball machines at Chatsworth's Lamplighter revealed the answer to be an overwhelming "Um, yeah." Even if the title were rearranged to form a statement ("One Can Swallow Sperm"), the obviousness is still problematic. Clearly, this is not Phat Buttz Drain My Nutz, which is simply true. I think the title should be changed to "Should One Swallow Sperm?" which would indicate an ethical dilemma in addition to a financial one--there is no money shot if the money gets swallowed. Despite the problems with the title, I laud German Goo Girls' decision to return to a classier time in porn's history, when Golden Age-era consumers would be treated to titles like Present Your Vulva that I May Jump On't, One Mustn't Wear Panties When Gram's Around, and Would that You Came in My Eye. ¶ Wednesday, August 10, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
No such thing as a fluffer
 Carly Milne, who is by no means ever coming back to the porn business, used to talk about the questions people not involved in the adult industry would ask her.I forget what those questions were but peeople would ask them all the time. My experience has been slightly different. Maybe it is my demeanor, but people will often tell me porn-related facts that aren't currently and/or were never true, such as "Fluffers have an interesting job." There are no more fluffers in the San Fernando Valley wing of the porn industry. Maybe there are some Amish fluffers in Pennsylvania, but there are none here. Also, if the Mob actually controlled porn, Lurk Ford would be dead. That said, an amazing opportunity awaits the qualified candidate for a newly-created Production Assistant position with Stoney Curtis' Lethal Hardcore studio. The qualified applicant must be computer-literate, organized, and able to schlep gear and deal with people. Previous experience in the industry is helpful but not necessary. My advice to jobseekers is to not adopt an air of worldliness and ask, "So does this position require fluffing?" You may e-mail Curtis here. ¶ Wednesday, August 10, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Beyond the rail
 Putty Hummer asks: "If I was fired while my employer was under the influence of cocaine, can I add that to my case of wrongful termination?" ¶ Wednesday, August 10, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I am not Teagan Presley
 Today I handed over the plaques I accepted for Teagan Presley at the XRCO awards to Digital Playground's Adella. The event was very solemn, complete with a tearful Native American (top inset) who lamented Teagan's birthright "Best New Starlet" award being kept from her for so long. In the background is the Pirates banner and in the bottom inset is the sad, disused couch that once squeaked with the parts of the guests of the cancelled Tera Show and DP Tonight. ¶ Tuesday, August 09, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
With Ass Wide Open
 Taking its title from that Creed song, Digital Sin's Ass Wide Open 5 is now on shelves at your local embattled Mom & Pop porn video store.Starring Europe's Katy Caro (well, not the Europe that gave us "The Final Countdown," but the actual Europe), Ass Wide Open 5 was helmed by "master director Jean-Yves LeCastel," whose genius has been recognized by heads of state, princes, and two Popes. Jean-Yves LeCastel received his first doctorate the same year he received his stigmata: 15. No word yet if Castel will direct Ass Wide Open 6 or if he will redesign the world's great basilicas. ¶ Tuesday, August 09, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 08, 2005
Mounting Malezia just got ezia
 Doc Johnson has just released a cast of Vivid Girl Malezia's parts that was created from Swedish fish material.Now if I could only get a Kiki D'aire made from potato salad or a Rolo Belladonna. The press release describes Malezia as Eurasian and Egyptian, once again underlining the industry's Eurasianafricansuramericanoantarctican phobia. This business will not be taken seriously until we can really embrace someone with roots on all seven continents and in space. Thanks to the FuckingMotherfucker.com galleries for the undoctored photo. ¶ Monday, August 08, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Lazarus, come forth
 Digital Playground makes some very funny movies, and I don't say that euphemistically, like, "your brother's got a funny thing on his lip" or because the studio pays me thousands of dollars every time I mention the Van Nuys outfit, founded in 1993.Both Tera Patrick and Rocki Roads show up in Jack's Playground 25, indicating that the Playground's sandbox is also a interdimensional wormhole, allowing former contract stars free passage between this world and the next. Narrated by DP editor Cousin Nick P, who has become my favorite actor in porn, viewers are treated to never-before-seen footage of the future Mrs. Seinfeld as well as Rocki Roads, who has left the business. Speaking of DP, Tera gets one. ¶ Monday, August 08, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Return to normalcy
 An article in the St. Petersburg Times suggests that the era of women making out with each other in bars and on the dance floor for lack of anything better to do might be coming to an end.I laud this return to confident handshakes and quick hugs. "I only did it to make Gram jealous," women of the world said through a spokesperson. "I'm glad society has freed me of this passive-aggressive behavior." Unfortunately this also means that circles of guys with Michelobs and camera phones will need to returrn to work, from which they've been absent since at least 2002 while following around groups of making-out girls. ¶ Monday, August 08, 2005 2 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Hell-bent for Leather
 Darklady, Miss Oregon Leather of 2004, is hosting a to-do for her birthday.It is my solemn hope that Rob Halford will show up with a Green Manalishi casserole to the DL's potluck birthday party on August 20. I don't know what-all happens up there in the Oregon woods, but any event that employs potluck technology is allright by me. If my libido were a Russian sub, the BDSM lifestyle would not be the British remote-controlled vehicle that would elevate it. Still, I would go for the potluck, and the little bits of leatherette croutons in the garden salad. From the YNOT Mistress who brought you the Masturbate-a-thon; click the link above for more info. ¶ Sunday, August 07, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 05, 2005
Gen Padova's birthday present
 Because I don't leave my home, am morbidly obese, and eat nothing but cheese fries from a disused satellite dish I swiped from the abandoned lawn of Wang Labs, I didn't know how to pronounce Gen Padova's last name the way her fans do. It's pronounced Puh-DOE'-vah, so the whole name comes out nicely, the same way you'd accent frusen gladje.I also didn't know it was Gen Padova's 24th birthday on August 2nd, but it was. "I got a brand new computer [and] my father got a fire-eater for my birthday," she said. There was a huge party at her father's house, to which her mother and step-father were invited. Relatives from northern Italy came. She said that her father had asked her to come to dinner that day. Gram:What if you couldn't make it? Gen: Yeah, that's what I was thinking... Padova and I share the same initials, which often results in her receiving my electric bills and people coming over my house to attempt having sex with, or on, me. This week SkinTight Pictures released Revenge of Butt'Er Face, which Padova directed. She says there are a lot of industry inside jokes in it, like which porn stars partake of crack. I shouldn't print who is implicated - you should just buy the movie. Gram:Your northern Italian family is very important to you. Are you ever enraged by the depiction of Italian-American familes in Olive Garden ads? Gen: There wasn't a single breadstick or sourdough product at my birthday.  Gram:You've said that almost your entire sexual history has been caught on tape, because your first scene was only the third time you'd had sex. That is a pristine anthropological record. Are there any things that you wouldd do in private that you wouldn't do on camera?Gen: Make love. And I try not to look in anybody's eyes on film, unless it's fetish stuff and it's unavoidable. Gram:Does anybody try to look in your eyes? Gen: They try. Gram:There's a picture of you on XXXPornTalk.com that looks like it was created by Industrial Light and Magic. Gen: That's me with Mandingo. I think I lost my virginity again that day. Gram:You got your BS in Biochemistry from UCLA and your BA in Art History with a minor in Philosophy. Who is your favoirite philosopher? Gen: Myself. I wish I liked my philosophy professors better, but none really sold me on a favorite. I did not ask her if she was familiar with the ancient Thai herb Butea Superba, which has been used for centuries in Asia to improve vasodilation. Padova grew up in Chatsworth and Thousand Oaks. She was in Northridge during the 1994 earthquake. She often tells her old friends about houses in their neighborhoods that are being used for porn shoots. She had the eerie experience of shooting a scene in the house across the street from her grandmother's. "I always used to see people coming and going from that house when I was 15," she said. "Then my father told me they were shooting porn over there."  Padova's family is supportive of her career choices.Gram: The Butt'Er Face family of films celebrates women with hot bodies who have conventionally inaccessible faces. Do you think that wicked attractive people fuck better? Do less-attractive people try harder? Gen: I think really hot people don't put their all into it because they think there's always going to be more. Less attractive people fuck wildly, but not because they have something to prove. A girl who is drop dead gorgeous sometimes turns out to be boring. The girl who doesn’t get as much sex appreciates it more; I put myself in that category Gram: But if you call yourself a Butt'Er Face but you still know you've got 9,000 more scenes in you... Gen: ... I still fuck like every scene is my first and every scene is my last. ¶ Friday, August 05, 2005 1 Comments Links to this post
Bring me the Ass of Alexia
 I went to the Simon Wolf Kinky Sex party last night and I must tell you that the Rokbar kicks fucking ass. Excellent music and great video projections. I fear, though, that Tommy Lee's establishment is not the type of place someone like me would be able to get in unless I was already on the list. I should go back on another night and just grease the bouncers with a box of porn.Check out the gallery, linked above. My Hedda Hopper writing experiment on Fleshbot is linked here (btw, I'll be Guest Editor there the week of August 15 and I'm going to need a LOT of material to work with), but I wanted to share one thing with you personally, my devoted and unnaturally attractive readers, and that is this: Lori Alexia. Jesus H. Christ, Chiefy. I'm so glad North Carolina bred something better than AsiansOnBlondes. ¶ Friday, August 05, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Accept no substitutes
 See this guy?Click the link above to see many of the AVN Hall of Fame director's credits, some dating to 1974 when the name Roy Karch was first used. "I don't dig fascism, and intolerance ain't groovy, man, you grok?" he said, but not all at the same time. Roy also plays harmonica and knew Phil Ochs. ¶ Friday, August 05, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Bad Ass Girls' Club
 My pal Bad Ass Frank has become a straight up Baltimore P.I.M.P. In addition to shooting his first movie, Bad Ass Girls' Club, with Hailey Young, Tricia Oaks, and Jessica Hanson, BAF recently signed Brooklyn and Joanna Angel to guard him when he sleeps. The gonzo will feature these three as well as other models from BAF's talent agency for skinny girls. He is shooting the film over the next few weeks and then will pick a distributor. Bad Ass Girls' Club will feature Jessica Hanson's first porn scene ever. Hanson is from Houston and her turn-ons are the smell of clean laundry, wet dogs, and churros. Her turn-offs include Satan, Corey Hart, and intolerant people. ¶ Thursday, August 04, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Of every head he's had the pleasure to know
 I will not say that Sunny Lane and her manager mom came over and made a Gram sandwich in order to secure a mention on this site (1.) because that would be untrue and (2.) because I'd probably do it anyway.The virginal (relative to this business) Lane is being touted as a Best New Starlet candidate. AVN Press Release Regurgitating Entity Marty Murphy said, "America’s favorite pop-shot princess Britney Rears will be jetting up to the San Francisco Bay area to meet her growing legion of fans at three Secrets Adult Superstores during a weekend of meet and greet autograph appearances August 5th and 6th." GP: But what about Sunny Lane, you hack? What about a public relations firm dictating your nominations? MM: Penn Jillette who personally filmed Jeremy's version siad, it was one of the best and gave him special thanks in the credit of the movie. Check out Ron Jeremy's version of the "The Aristocrats!" wen it is released on DVD. This is Steve Banan. GP: I don't know you anymore. What's happened to us? Regardless of the media buzz around Ms. Lane, I will always remember her as a shy young woman riding a fan like a horse on a hotel lobby rug. These are the special memories I'll have around nominating time. ¶ Thursday, August 04, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
I am a camera
 Video Secrets, the Calabasas company that hosts international webcam shows, including Flirt4Free and the branded webcam offerings of a few other adult studios, once again occupies a tasteful place on my sidebar after my intense aesthetic sensibility deemed it inappropriate a few months ago."Some people spend $100,000 a year on camgirl chats," said Alfonsus, one of Video Secrets' account managers. Can you imagine that? That's like 10 percent of my discretionary income and I'd still have to blow myself. Naturally, one would have to spend about a month online to rack up those charges, by which point it would probably be better to fly the girl out from the Ukraine and install her as the vice president of your affiliate program. ¶ Wednesday, August 03, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Tampa Peelers Busted for Acting like Tampa Peelers
 If Goofus and Gallant were strippers, who would be who in these mugshots?Gallant makes the best of a bad situation, facing adversity with a winning smile. Goofus accepts defeat immediately and won't even wash the cum out of her eye. ¶ Wednesday, August 03, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
The Sad Porn Star Karaoke
 It will affect neither the stellar service nor the attendance at Sardo's if I say that last night's Porn Star Karaoke was a little off.Wankus was angry for reasons undisclosed, Robyn Rosenberg announced she'd fallen in love with an aircraft mechanic over the Internet, and would no longer pursue Lurk Ford, who was chastised for not monetizing his paparazzadankadoo shots on his website by the slightly-otherworldly owner of prettyandfine.com, Steve Banan remained unmolested at a booth, parking was limited, "Baby Got Back" was sung again, Roy Karch chided me for not keeping up with my Roy Karch Film of the Week Club selections, Flower Tucci was wearing next to nothing but was on the other side of the room, and Tia Brodie, pictured here in our summer cottage in Trod-on-Pube, said she wouldn't be back until October. ¶ Wednesday, August 03, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
EXCLUSIVE!@!!#LOL!!! Doppelganger Scandal Utterly Destroys the Porn World
 GramPonante.com has learned that AVN has created another press release-regurgitating entity [PRRE] to join Trent Brown, Chip Baker, and Ben Marco: "His" name is Marty Murphy."I am shocked, appalled," XBiz news editor Martin Murphy did not say. "It is like they have stolen my identity. The identity that is so precious to me. Where will I be without my identity? More importantly: who?" AVN President Paul Fishbein, orbiting the Earth in a spaceship owned by Vivid and the People's Republic of China, claimed to have no knowledge of the matter, and suggested I talk with someone else about it (he did the same thing when I asked him why I got fired). AVNOnline editors Tony Lovett and MJ McMahon did not return calls, AVN.com editor Dan Miller wasn't there, associate editor Acme Andersson never got back to me, and art director Jay Moyes didn't want to get caught in the middle. Only publisher Farley Cahen said he would "stay on it." AVN's Murphy himself was no help, saying, "The second course offers a one-stop shop for the best in blowjobs, NutInHerMouth.com. The DVD-quality video has 100-percent uncensored and exclusive blowjobs from every angle, in every size." "We get so many press releases in a day here at AVN that we can't follow up on them all," wrote Gram Ponante in his personal journal in 2002. "That's why they've created these aliases. We're also not allowed to re-write anything from Vivid." XBiz' Murphy was alerted to the presence of a doppelganger when he was asked if he had been moonlighting. "One identity is enough, thanks," Murphy said, "Plus, my non-compete agreeement specifically forbids that sort of thing." Murphy has been XBiz' news editor for four months. "I was surprised I got asked that question." The question that has turned the industry on its ear is this: did AVN know of the existence of the other Murphy when it created this one? Marty Murphy is cryptic. "TxtNation has announced that its mENABLE SMS billing product is now available for webmasters on the NATS program back-end affiliate software," he said. "I interviewed Paul Fishbein for a Bill Margold story a couple of months back," XBiz' Murphy said, "and once [former AVNOnline editor] Tom Hymes told me that they [AVNOnline] had a story very similar to one of my own on their site, so I'm sure they knew, but I couldn't believe that it was at all intentional." The choice of PRRE names at AVN is wreathed in secrecy, as is its awards-nominating process. GramPonante.com does know that the naming procedure follows a complex algorithm in addition to a vision quest in which Fishbein, Darren Roberts, Tim Connelly, and Mike Ramone wander in the unincorporated land north of the 118 for several days before an old alias is retired and a new one is given birth. "Sometimes it's a painful process, but we learn a lot about ourselves, and each other," Connelly did not say. "Platinum Bucks has launched SexFind.com, a pay-per-click adult search engine with bids starting as low as 5 cents," Marty Murphy added. As the adult industry has announced a 60-day work stoppage over this matter to assure hovering federal regulators it is self-policing, XBiz' Murphy is morose. "I'd hate the outside world to think we all operate from the same pool of press releases, and the only difference between me and a non-person is that I rewrite them." While XBiz' Murphy lamented that Defiance Films, a company he'd just profiled for the upcoming issue of XBizWorld, had released news of its new contract stars exclusively to AVN, he took comfort in that he was probably paid better than his doppelganger. ¶ Tuesday, August 02, 2005 1 Comments Links to this post
Remake your shards
 As you know, the Church of Ponantology forbids the use of sex-enhancing musks, jellies, attachments, or court orders, but I was fascinated by this ad for Vigorect, an oral gel officially condoned by the Realm of Gondor."The blood of Numenor will not fail again," claims the makers of Vigorect. "Vigorect’s active key ingredient – Butea Superba is a Thai herb that has been used for centuries in Asia to aid in vasodilation – improving erectile function by increasing blood flow to penile tissue." Well how could you possibly go wrong? Vigorect comes in little packets - and so will you. ¶ Tuesday, August 02, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Your Suffering Will be Legendary
 Tonight Porn Star Karaoke is being sponsored by Land Madel Lisa Sparxxx and Hellbound Productions. I have never heard of Hellbound Productions but I can get behind anything with the word "Hell" in it. Why? Because I am a 13-year-old boy.The Hellbound team will be giving away a 27" TV and a $100 discount to a local tattoo parlor. I am hoping the TV is a flat screen DVD/VCR combo that I can put in my garage rather than the kind that plays placque commercials at the dentist's office. (Not that I go to the dentist, because I'm hardcore.) ¶ Tuesday, August 02, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
All in favor of Kinky Sex
 Simon Wolf, so enigmatic that he doesn't appear in corporeal form [sources say he is a Ringwraith], will be hosting a party on Thursday night to support his new film, Kinky Sex, at Tommy Lee's Rokbar in Hollywood. Doors open at 10.Here is my Tommy Lee impression: "Oh Pamela. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh Pamela." There is something comforting about a video line being called Kinky Sex. That is a term suburban housewives and wannabe swinger dads used in the early 80's to describe all manner of perversions, such as non-missionary positions or calling your partner by another name, like "Senator." Kinky Sex conjures up a time when we would try to get scrambled TV signals from Montreal before we fooled our parents into getting Cinemax. According to the boxcover, there is a whole realm where kinky sex happens and where people tape their nipples and stuff. On hand at Thursday's soiree will be several pornish celebrities and stars of the film. I won't say who because I always end up getting burned by statements like that. And, as you know, I am very sensitive. Party organizers suggest, and I wholeheartedly agree, that the ratio of women to men be very high. This works out well for everyone involved, because an excess of women can always make out with each other. ¶ Tuesday, August 02, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 01, 2005
A Modest Proposal
 What I suggest is very simple: the women from the Dove skin-firming ad should meet the women from Sex Z's VSDA party and, you know, wrestle.
¶
Monday, August 01, 2005
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Intelligent Design
 Director Stoney Curtis says that some of the performers in Built for Sex 3 actually spit at the camera, like some kind of sex camel."The girls will talk to the camera and even spit on it from time to time which is really great for the home viewing experience," said the Lethal Hardcore director. I don't know... Both Candice Von and Mia Bang are looking very frankly at (you) from the cover of this title. Are you scared they might decide to spit on you? This would preoccupy me, I think, even as I watched the film. Worse than suddenly cutting to the guy's face, whoever he is, would be someone spitting at the camera. Is the lens wiped off immediately or does the viewer have to watch the rest of the scene through a Bob Guccione-like drool filter? Of greater concern is that the actresses are advertised as "all-natural". Despite this, the title clearly states they were Built. What's right, Stoney Curtis? Is there a God or isn't there? Buy Built for Sex 3 and find out. ¶ Monday, August 01, 2005 0 Comments Links to this post
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