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| --Saturday, February 26, 2005--
Job Satisfaction - Inside And Out
--Friday, February 25, 2005--
 Exclusive: Terri Summers in Smash Pictures' team sports gangbang flick 6 in Me. Filming in exotic Hollywood, rustic Agoura Hills, and mysterious El Segundo. Report to follow.
posted by Gram the Man
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Saturday, February 26, 2005
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There goes somebody's health insurance
--Wednesday, February 23, 2005--
 Hey, have you noticed the plasma display in the reception area of Porn Valley's biggest former employer? Above the screen is an equally ridiculous LED ticker of the publication's headlines. Did you see that in a real magazine somewhere?Just kidding. You people are awesome. (Now send me my COBRA forms before I sue you personally or get on board someone else's class action suit.) Just kidding. You're great. I remember the first time I ventured to the northwest Valley; it looked like the moon, especially having come off the spectral 118. Similarly unchanged is the Lamplighter, where "don't shake my hand - just blow a load on my tits" is not only the way one says Hello to pornbloggeurs like myself but is also Number 47 on the menu.
posted by Gram the Man
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Friday, February 25, 2005
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Awards Given, Accepted
 According to the two press releases I've received about the FOXE (Fans of X-Rated Entertainment) Awards, they happened. People won things and FOXE Awards co-founder William Margold commented on the winners and what they won. Digital Playground contracter Teagan Presley won FOXE's Vixen Award, presented to the most promising female artist. "Teagan Presley's winning of the 'Vixen' award at the 14th annual FOXE Awards was not a surprise," Margold said, acknowledging that he knew about the award beforehand. Lexington Steele picked up his third FOXE Fan Favorite award. Like Leonardo DiCaprio receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award at 30, a third FOXE Award is like retiring a performer's number to the rafters; Steele will now sit back and let other performers bask in the glow. "Lex is very special," Margold said. "We're very lucky to have him in the industry."
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
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Now Is the Time to Hawk Glass Dildos
 Is your glass dildo on the fritz? Can you no longer see your reflection in it? Do you want to stick art in yourself or others? Well, for God's sake, come to Crush (7555 Melrose, L.A.) this Saturday from 1-4, and meet the new Phallix Vixen Series, as well as Vivid contracter Mercedez.When I worked at AVN, I personally used Phallix products to thwart robberies and otherwise fight crime, so I don't take lightly the fact that they are "The Official Glass Sex Toy of Vivid Entertainment". All art should be functional, and if it can be erotic, functional, and official, you should get you some.
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
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I'm having a heart attack in you
--Sunday, February 20, 2005--
 As you know, this site has always been home to mature-themed pornography. At the awards show I just created, my noted site won an unprecedented amount of awards for its coverage of mature themes.Continuing my tradition of excellence, I am happy to present Kinky Wrinkly, about a septuagenarian Brit who coerces young ladies (or "birds") into having sex with themselves, each other, and him. Black Widow Releasing in North Hollywood is handling distribution on this side of the pond. Do you like how the Union Jack is displayed four times on the box cover? That's how we know Mr. Wrinkly is an English gentleman. I think our pornography companies should expend a little goddamn effort and put American flags on their creampie videos. Now, if we could only get Kinky Wrinkly and Dave Cummings to wrestle.
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
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Porn World Soggy, Spent
 No fewer than seven porn shoots were cancelled due to this weekend's inclement weather, from useless hot tub scenes in rented Beverly Hills outdoor jacuzzis, to useless (speaking of) gonzo shoots atop Lassen Ave. warehouses. Is this God's wrath on the Adult Industry? No. Loup Perch-Tounge is.
posted by Gram the Man
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Sunday, February 20, 2005
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Hey Rube: Hunter S. Thompson Dies
--Thursday, February 17, 2005--
Any writer who bites the news that feeds him owes a nod to Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, whose body was found today in his home in Colorado. Thompson, 67, chose the classic route of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. His signature style became known as gonzo journalism, and his work includes Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas, Fear And Loathing: On the Campaign Trail, and last year's I-still-got-it Hey Rube: Blood Sport, the Bush Doctrine, and the Downward Spiral of Dumbness - Modern History from the Sports Desk. Here at Gram Ponante Towers, we will think fondly of the man and toast him with "two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers. ...A quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls".
posted by Gram the Man
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Sunday, February 20, 2005
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O Captain, My Captain
 Steve Banan is stepping down as head of the Lucchese/Banan Entertainment Group, implying his company's interests have become too diverse and don't include enough porn. Anthony Mastifino will take over. Banan was around at the creation of Plato's Retreat and also, according to this headline, performed with Emerson, Lake, and Palmer.
posted by Gram the Man
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
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But Where's Rollergirl?
--Wednesday, February 16, 2005--
 Blind Sex Dates #3 is the latest release from Smash Pictures. "Borrowing a page from the mainstream Hollywood television show of a similar name," reads the press release, "(Blind Sex Dates #3) introduces single girls to single guys during fun and lively dates that more often than not lead to first-time sexual encounters." That seems a little evasive. Does that mean that sometimes no sex is to be had? Does "more often than not" refer to a simple majority, like 51 out of 100 times? I applaud Smash's honesty - wait, let's call it patriotism - in copping to borrowing the title. I envision several new series in the same vein: Desperate Sex Housewives The 700 Sex Club Family Sex Feud The Love Sex Boat 60 Sex Minutes 2 Real Sex Sex
posted by Gram the Man
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
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DOJ Back on Black
--Thursday, February 10, 2005--
 Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said that the Department of Justice will appeal Extreme Associates' lucky turn of fate, re-opening an obscenity trial against Rob (Rob Black) Zicari and Janet (Lizzie Borden) Romano. A Pittsburgh Federal Court Judge last month threw out the 10-count charge against Extreme, declaring certain federal obscenity laws unconstitutional."Certain activities do not fall within (First Amendment) protections," Gonzales declared in today's announcement, "such as selling or distributing obscene materials." This means that crafting obscene materials is OK; you just can't make copies or money from them. I think it's the money that's ruined this industry, anyway. Judge Lancaster had cited in his 45-page opinion a 2003 Supreme Court decision that nullified a Texas homosexual sodomy law, noting the protection in both cases against unwarranted government intrusions in private places. The ruling, Black said on his website, "basically reshaped the way obscenity now is tooken in government." Black told the Associated Press that he was not surprised by the decision to appeal. "They touted my case for almost a year and a half about this being an important step in kind of stamping out the adult product as we know it," he said. To purchase the videos 47 federal marshals seized as evidence of the adult product as they knew it, click here.
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005
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I Was Wrong
 The nice GoDaddy.com lady was Candice Michelle, not Bridget Bako, as I'd previously "reported". Thanks to Hart Williams for letting me know gently, rather than starting a Fuck Gram thread on GFY. Candice writes: "I was originally born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin of Panamanian and German decent." Sounds pretty decent to me. It's good to see something positive came from those Nazis fleeing to South America. And what does it mean to have been "originally born" somewhere? As opposed to conceived? Born again in Christ? "My grandfather was not a Nazi," Candice doesn't write. Ah, nuts. Making fun of models' bios is not only unoriginal but wicked easy. I'll stop doing it. I'm sorry you had to witness this epiphany while searching for shots of boobies and fisting. She's probably a very nice person, despite her pogrom-throwing heritage.
posted by Gram the Man
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Thursday, February 10, 2005
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Meet Britney Rears
 Hot on the heels of "Why do it at all?" comes the question, "Why did it take so long?"The good people at X-Play have manufactured their own pop tart in Britney Rears. She even has a theme song. Britney Rears: Wild Back Stage Sex Party will be released on March 8 by X-Play and VCA. The trailer mixes shots of a concert tour with hot pornish action featuring Ms. Rears and her entourage. I sure hope Britney Rears' mom is there for her when stardom becomes overwhelming.
posted by Gram the Man
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Thursday, February 10, 2005
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Da Mihi Caputem: The Debut of Cum on My Latin Tongue
--Wednesday, February 09, 2005--
 The porn world lost something essential when Vatican II declared the end of the Latin Mass. Now Full Throttle and Madness Pictures bring back the mystery, the sanctity of Vox Romana with Cum on My Latin Tongue.Aw shit. Wait a minute... This is a blowjob series featuring Shy Love and other feisty Spanish-speaking girls. Shy Love, however, upends the Church's traditional view of women by not only performing sex before marriage, but also being Full Throttle's CFO and the title's director. You go (to Hell), Girl! The gang at Madness and Full Throttle look forward to Cum on My Latin Tongue expanding their footprint in the growing niche of Latino porn.
posted by Gram the Man
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Thursday, February 10, 2005
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Filthy Ore
 Hell wants them, Heaven won't take them, Earth needs them. "Six semen demons swallow 101 doses of vitamins C, U, and M in A Good Source of Iron #4," Platinum X's Brandon Iron writes.Like the Back to the Future and Lord of the Rings series, the installments of A Good Source of Iron were shot back to back and ass to mouth. Among the extras are cock's eye view cumshots and a sneak peek of A Good Source of Iron #5. I really like this picture. Faith looks wholesomely excited about the degradations about to be visited on herself and five friends by 101 (or 2 or three very tired) guys. Can mainstream naysayers really claim this industry is exploitive when healthy-girl-next-door Faith looks so happy to be there? Do you know how many times the crew of That's So Raven gets covered in cum and doesn't get paid for it?
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 09, 2005
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Not My America: Banan Denied Casino
--Tuesday, February 08, 2005--
It is an outrage that Steve Banan (read glorious profile here) cannot buy a goddamn casino. As someone who is also the victim of discrimination due to his proud I-talian heritage (Ponante comes from a Romance word for south-southwest), I vow to report the wrongs done against the founder of The Liberty Network and to eventually revel in his ultimate triumph over the Gamming Commission. Here is the story. The erstwhile Steve ("every time I try to get out, I keep pushing myself back in") Ochs writes in with this commentary: Damn that gamming commission and its accursed regulations! A good (no, great) man is denied his right to own a casino hotel because of the crimes of grandparents? And we just sit here? Where is the JUSTICE? I caught up with noted International Superstar Journalist Stephen Ochs to ask his opinion on the matter. "It's a travesty," Ochs sputtered, while whiling away his day on the deck of his mansion, and making important business deals on his "cell phone." "This aggression will not stand," he added. This is Stephen Ochs, for GramPonante.Com.
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 09, 2005
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The Gauntlet of Greatness
I asked Luke Ford to make some changes to his transcription of our interview. Actually, I pressured him with my LCN connections and by name-dropping the Messiah. At first he agreed, but then he reconsidered, writing, "On second thought, I've concluded your interview as is is good enough for porn... The mistakes give it a feeling of authenticity." He passed the test. When I get my family's foundry up and running, LF will be presented the first Gram Ponante Medal of Freedom.
posted by Gram the Man
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
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AVN indignant adult industry not taken seriously by Inside Deep Throat's Grazer, Coyly hints at revenge I'm sorry that man hurt you, AVN.
posted by Gram the Man
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
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No, Daddy
--Friday, February 04, 2005--
 Yesterday's SuperBowl was actually more interesting than its ads, save for the controversy surrounding domain registrar Go Daddy's wardrobe malfunction/witch trial spoof.The scene is a hearing about the appropriateness of GoDaddy.com's SuperBowl ad (this Bowl was big on self-reference - the other PoMo ad was FedEx Kinko's spot with Burt Reynolds and a kick in the groin). The pneumatic Candice Michelle plays Nikki Capelli. Capelli is also the surname of GoDaddy's founder (and Nikki Capelli was a character in the Red Shoe Diaries played by Bridget Bako). Capelli gyrates and nipslips through her hearing and generally makes her auditors lose coherence. I am reminded of David Lee Roth's "Just A Gigolo" video, where he gives a PMRC-looking panel a heart attack. (No, I'm not Scott Fayner. He doesn't have a monopoly on DLR references.) Anyway, that ad was supposed to have run twice, but the NFL pulled it before its second airing, as well as GoDaddy's five-second "brought to you by" graphic. No word on whether the company got a refund or not. There are two versions at the link above. Neither is really very good, but that the full version states the hearings are taking place in Salem, MA - witch trial territory - is reminiscent of how various porn magnates try to peddle crappy content as a First Amendment crusade.
posted by Gram the Man
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Monday, February 07, 2005
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You've Already Put Big Old Tears in My Eyes, Must You Shoot Come on My Face?
Spell check: is it bukakke or bukkake? If the former, Colossal has sullied the name of our industry with its inappropriate punning. Would someone please let me know?
posted by Gram the Man
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Friday, February 04, 2005
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The Boy from Oz
--Wednesday, February 02, 2005--
I talked with Luke Ford today about our Talmud studies, the state of Orthodox journalism, and the danger of not being taken seriously in other media with porn on one's resume. "Now let's concentrate on you," he said, turning on his tape recorder. At the Monthly Porn Shopper, we were told not to mention Luke's name in print, because of his muckraking, speculation and - I guess most importantly - his role as Gene Ross' sounding board when the latter left the publication. Luke edited Setgo after I was a contributor there, then later started Lukeisback.com because his eponymous domain was taken. (He had sold it in 2001 when he "retired" from the industry, but he has the option of buying the domain back next year, minus the content.) It seems to happen a lot in porn that someone else "owns" your name. Not me, man. Ain't no chance those lowdown revenuers are taking my name. It was a good conversation, taken from an interview template of which he is fond. After Wayne Hentai's excellent press release announcing the official launch of this site, I received a number of inquiries with subtle and not-so-subtle entreaties to trash my former employer. "Other people do it better," I usually say. Luke's question was, "What did you love and hate about (your former employer)?" As if there would be something to hate. Seriously. It has been said that Luke hates the industry and all who are in it, and just seeks to destroy it from within, like what Alien did to poor John Hurt. "He'll twist your words and make you cry," Loup Perch-Tounge once told me. "These people are not your friends," someone else said. Luckily, Luke bought me a Volvo. Expect the interview on LukeIsBack.com in a few days.
posted by Gram the Man
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Friday, February 04, 2005
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Bread And Circuses
 A proud and highly-structured people, the Japanese have not yet learned to make verbs out of nouns, but Colossal, the producers of Crewkake, have stepped in to fill the cultural divide. Or at least to come on its face."(Crewkake's) scenes feature the hot sex with the best performers in adult our fans expect from us," Colossal Sales Manager Brad Baer said, "But what's different is that the crew takes a crack at bukkaking the girl once the scene's done." One can imagine Nikki Hunter's joy at having a load blown on her by the boom guy. Was it as transformative an experience as Houston had with Mike Ramone? Is bukkake different when the bukkakor isn't a pro? Could it be one faceful of splooge is no different from another? What will happen to porn's glorious star system if that information leaks out? Luckily no one reads this website. Pick up Crewkake for more info.
posted by Gram the Man
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Wednesday, February 02, 2005
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