So many people I know are filing nuisance jackass lawsuits within the porn world that I feel (and I felt this way when Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld got matching iPhones before me) that I am just not in the loop if I don't sue someone.So the past few days have been consumed by the idea of who to sue and for how much. Also, it was suggested to me by a friend that I would need a legitimate reason.
"A legitimate reason?" I scoffed, suing my friend. He's nothing to me now.
Anyway, a perfect situation presented itself yesterday. As I was leaving Gram Ponante Towers, Centrifuge, Brasserie, and Dairy to go to a porn shoot for a small company that has been cancelling for months, I got a call from their production manager.
"Sorry, Grams," he said, "our second cameraman called in sick."
"I could shoot camera," I said, "and we'll make it the best POV scene ever."
"Sorry."
So I went back to the office, forgetting that I'd parked in a two-hour zone, and returned to salvaging my computer from having installed Leopard on it (I also sued Apple).
When I left at 7 p.m., I found a ticket on my windshield. In addition to parking beyond the time allotment, apparently I had also burned down a school.
Whereas in a previous life I would have accepted my own responsibility in getting the ticket, porn has taught me that I need to sue and to sue big. My bulldog attorney sent the following letter:
Dear Ass,I hope it works. Even if it does no one any good, at least it will bring me some of the attention I crave.
Your not one of us. Gram was trying to move things forward and now he has a tikket. Your company sucks donkeys. Pay him a million dollars and quit porn. All your base are belong to us. Peace.
The Law Firm of And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver
In the meantime, you might be wondering why I haven't been posting lately. Well, in addition to my computer failure I am outraged that Dave Pounder has confused me with the pornstar Gram Ponante of the films Jack's Playground 27 and Cuckold 2. I had to sue him. I will be back online soon. If not, sue me.
Previously: Jenna Jameson marries iPhone at Mac-Erotica Expo; Spyderz to play Viper Room...
Labels: legal
posted by Gram the Man
at
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 
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Jason said...
- All your base are belong to us
- Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Post a Comment Links to this post:the exact reason I read this site.
oh, and the chicks, too...
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