Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

Hello! I'm The Countess and I am helping to keep Ponante Towers, Aviary and Helipad running smoothly while Gram and the rest of the entourage are out of town. Today, I'm speaking with Simone Williams of Exquisite Restraint. These corsets are so beautiful everyone will want to have sex with you immediately. Hot, Bodice Ripping, Let's Play Pirate and Wench, I'm Going to Fuck You Hard from Behind Sex. Now.

I mean, you'll look very pretty, like a princess.

Countess: Are they comfortable? I expect a certain amount of restriction of course, I'm not wearing sweatpants, but I hate the pokey things cutting into my ribs.

Simone: Believe it or not, people find my corsets very comfortable! I believe as a society we've all turned into a bunch of slouching slackers! When someone puts one of my corsets on, they remark on how it supports their back and makes them stand up straight. I use flexible steel bones on the sides, which people often confuse for plastic. Trust me- I only use the best materials in my corsets and that means ALL-STEEL BONING! Honey, go to the mall if you want plastic bones!
The pokey things shouldn't actually cut into your ribs if you have a good-fitting corset. I recommend a custom fitting for everyone.

Countess: I have a bit of a dumpy shape. I'm very short, but I'm stacked. What do you recommend?

Simone: You are the perfect woman to wear a corset! A corset takes the soft flesh below your ribs and squishes it....... skinny girls don't benefit from corsets because there is nothing to squeeze. And a stacked brickhouse such as yourself would love what a corset does for your booz-ooms! Can you say "cleavage into next week?"

Countess: Do you have any embarrassing "caught in my corset" stories from you or a client?

Simone: A lot of my clients are "in the closet," so to speak, and expend a lot of energy keeping their corset predelictions secret. The opposite extreme are the clients who wear a corset almost daily, in public. The worst thing for them is forgetting to put their shoes on BEFORE they put their corset on. You can't bend over in a corset. Of course, the super-rich corset clients get their servants to help them put their shoes onto their stinky rich feet.....oh, is that off the record?

Countess: I saw your stuff on the cover of Frontiers. I should say I could barely see your corset on the cover, because that skinny lady's arms and legs were all in the way. How do you deal with someone using your stuff for a photo shoot, but then not REALLY showing it in the photo?

Simone: Well Countess, that "lady" is actually a member of the drag-superstar-fashionista community, internet phenom, Jeffree Star. Alas, one is always subject to the whim of the editor. Is the magazine portraying Miss Star or my fab corset? Well, you can't tell an editor what to do! A woman such as yourself must have experienced some performances ending up on the cutting room floor?

Countess: Don't I know it!! But how am I supposed to get this thing on by myself? I live alone! I'm hoping to have a little help getting out of it, if you know what I mean, but getting dressed is a whole other deal.

Simone: Oh, yeah, well, take some tips from my crossdresser buddies, who are usually guys named Bob who change into their corset next to the trunk of their car before going out for a night "With the Girls."
A) Loosen the laces a lot but do not remove them.
B) The corset has a handy-dandy front opening called a "busc." It's a series of holes that fit over knobs...mmmm...holes over knobs.
C) You can now reach behind yourself and pull the laces ends at your waist to tighten the corset. Tie those ends in a loose bow. Remember: don't lace your corset super tight when you first put it on. It is always recommended that you lace it comfortable, then approximately 20 minutes later, tighten it a bit more. It's not good for you or the corset to lace it as tight as possible when you first put it on.

photo credits: Emily Marilyn and friend (sorry, hot lady!) by Christophe Mourthe, Jeffree Star by Albert Sanchez