Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

People don't come to this site looking for pictures of me, so here's yet another in my series of impressive snaps of Kami Andrews from last week's Porn Star Karaoke.

But this post has nothing to do with news of a prurient nature, so feel free to stop reading if you're looking for donkey punches, plumpers, and why I'm confused about the lack of quality material with Vixen in it.

"You look sad," Kami said.

People from Pennsylvania are wise. I was sad. Something happened last weekend that was ensaddening.

I'm not on vacation, I am just recovering from a catastrophic loss of data for which Apple Computer has very correctly admitted fault and is doing something short of its utmost (there must be a word for that) to rectify.

Yes, a lot of the world's porn is created, arranged, and reported on from Apple computers.

In the meantime, I have farmed out this site to pal and something short of recovering alcoholic Ruby Prone while I get my digital bits in order. With luck, I'll be back to 100 percent by the end of the coming week, in time for more set visits, the XRCOs, and general debauchery.

I don't know anyone who has not, once every few years, lost a great deal of information in a computer crash. Luckily I have backups but no computer to send them to. It's like being adrift.

What happened was this: I used a utility called TechTool that came as part of Apple's subscription Protection Plan to diagnose a problem. TechTool is not a very helpful utility, not as much as Disk Doctor or Disk Warrior are, but my problem was not very big. TechTool reported an issue with my volume structure that it suggested I fix using one of its solutions. I blithely clicked OK and nuked my hard drive.

I only found out later that that version of TechTool was not only not effective for a (slightly) newer operating system but actually destructive. Apple acknowledged this issue having befallen other subscribers to its Protection Plan, but only after I had to deal with a few levels of sullen and unhelpful Apple Store employees. After lowering my voice ominously and announcing that America would be enraged ("enraged") that her beloved Porn Journalist was being so shabbily treated I got the right people on the phone.

I appreciate everyone who has offered a temporary replacement computer, but that's not the point. I need my computer back.

I miss you. What we have is very special. No one can take that away from us. Your husband was wrong to have me arrested. I miss seeing you fit all those things in your mouth, one after the other or simultaneously. You are very gifted. The next one will have a spinal column, I promise. That was a fluke and she meant nothing. I'll be back for you and your sister, but only if she doesn't talk and she does that thing. I'll be back soon.