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--Monday, October 31, 2005--

Amateur Night

The big parties were this weekend, so tonight I'll be handing out hermetically-sealed baglets of candy corn to children and Lethal Hardcore titles to their dads. Gram Ponante Towers is very popular in the neighborhood.

I didn't make any of the porn parties this weekend, but it didn't matter. Halloween is Amateur Porn Night, anyway. Not to be all Pornblography about it, but I was at a party on the other side of the hill and had this conversation:

Woman in stripper costume: So, what do you do?
Me: Among other things, I am America's Porn Journalist.

Woman: What?
Me: I write about porn.

Woman: Oh my God.
Me: What do you do? Are you a healthcare provider?

Woman: What? No. You hang around with porn people? That's gross. I'm in payroll.
Me: Why is it gross? (She works for the payroll company SAG and AFTRA are currently suing for misappropriation of funds).
Woman: I can't believe I'm having this conversation.
Me: Why? Are you cold?

Woman's friend (wearing bondage outfit): The girls only do that stuff because they're crackheads.
Me: Some are crackheads.
Guy: You should read his site. Pomegranate, right? Pomegranate.com?
Me: No.

Woman: You make a living at this?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Do you fuck them?
Woman's friend: Gross!
Me: Mmmmm.
Woman: How is what they do different from prostitution?
Me: It isn't, except it's safer.
Woman: ... just a bunch of fucking prostitutes.

The woman got madder and madder. I usually don't bring up what I do in mixed company because I'd really rather drink and eat chips. Later she and I bonded over a disputed Jagermeister recipe. Later still she and her friend made out for jello shots and a Playstation game.

posted by Gram the Man at

4 Comments:
Anonymous El Cheapo said...
OH! Gram, I love candy corn (and those little pumpkins). I'd happily take any left overs you've got. :)
Monday, October 31, 2005  
Blogger Gram the Man said...
Here in America there is a variation on candy corn (yellow orange white) called Indian corn (brown dark orange white). Do you have Voyageurs corn in Canadia?
Tuesday, November 01, 2005  
Blogger Kami Andrews said...
I hate the general public but maybe they learned
hmm if we make out we get a playstation if we fuck we can get a car!!!

i know you implied that but I felt the need to stste it.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005  
Anonymous El Cheapo said...
No...I've never seen Indian Corn, even on my sojourns to The Land Of The Free.

Is Voyageur Corn a regional thing? (like salt & vinegar chips)
Wednesday, November 02, 2005  

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