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Friday, April 29, 2005
Riding the Curves 3: why it's important to stay hydrated
 Just so you know, porn stars don't spend months preparing for a film and then go on a vacation oncethey've shot it. There are no boot camps or sauna days for these hard workers, and when they punch the clock at the end of the day, pack their lunch pail, and drive down the 101 to their second jobs as clerk-typists, scoutmasters, and HazMat-certified Superfund Inspectors, they leave their day jobs and the manufactured fantasies of romance at the end of a spoon-fed creampie behind. It is a sad fact that the business of this industry isbusiness, and that erectile tissue has nothing to do with matters of the heart. Unless you're Denis Marti and Lauren Phoenix. Something wonderful happened when I walked on to the set of Hustler's Riding At first, I thought I'd walked in on a scene in progress. I turned a corner of the porn house just up the road from Harvey Korman's place to find a bottomless Lauren Phoenix getting her ass squeezed absently by Dennis Marti, a Nacho Vidal protege who lives in Prague and often shoots with Rocco Siffredi. After watching them talk to each other for a few minutes, I realized they weren't in a scene. They just happened to be talking while he was casually squeezing her ass. It seems odd now that I didn't realize it immediately. I often squeeze my own ass while talking, so it should have seemed natural to me. It turns out they were just discussing the next scene, Marti told me. The next scene involved Phoenix walking up the stairs, it turned out, and I really could have explained the whole thing to her in my own special way, but whatever. Marti was born in Italy, so naturally we spoke entirely in Italian throughout the interview, making everyone who wasn't a polyglot like me uncomfortable. It sounds rougher in the translation, but let me assure you our conversation was witty and delightful. GP: Hiya. DM: How are you? And so on. Lauren Phoenix was wearing a selection of doilies and six-inch Lucite heels. I thought it might really work out between us. She stood about 6'3". I didn't realize she was so tall and I told her so. "I'm massive," she said. Dennis Marti is very friendly. Shirtless, he is wearing pressed jeans and blinding white sneakers. He's about 5'7", I think, and when he gets into it with Lauren later he looks like an ant crawling around a delicious ripe peach. "Nacho Vidal was a big influence on my career," he said. "But not the second part of his career." That means that Denis doesn't do trannies. "He was never afraid to go beyond the limits. Even beyond Rocco." There are three other people in the room besides the stars and me. One of them is veteran photographer Claudio, who has a last name, too. I didn't want you to get the impression that he just goes by "Claudio" because he's a much cooler guy than that. Denis is technically the director on this picture, but Claudio gently calls the shots throughout the day. Denis is very cordial and asked me if I wanted a drink or anything. "No," I said. "I stole some silverware and dishes already." Denis smiled politely. Later, of course, I find out we're standing in Claudio's house. Nice. The moment passed. I commented on how laid back yet efficient the set is, and Denis said, "We are Italian; so we have fun." Claudio is also Italian, so he and Denis discuss the shots as if they were Pope Benedict XVI addressing Vatican Square. "La preparo per l'anale," Claudio said. That means, "Get ready for anal." And we're off.  I won't describe the sex because it makes me feel dirty and wrong. But there is a reason Lauren Phoenix has won all those awards and has a city in Arizona named after her. Trade publications and award-granting entities tend to recognize people like Phoenix because she is very charming, hot like fire, and dirty as hell.As this was a Hustler shoot, there were no elements of surprise, like gunfire, fisticuffs, or uncontrolled sobbing. "Since we are shooting for Hustler, for America," Marti said, "we don't do anything too out there." In between scenes, he and Phoenix founded a mutual admiration society. "You were great," she said. He was, too. More than one performer has not lasted the required nine rounds with Phoenix because she makes them feel like they're watching her from the privacy of their own home with the shades drawn. It's over in five minutes. "If this happened every day," he said, "I'd be very very happy. I'd be happy man." They posed for stills. Denis was drinking a bottle of Crystal Geyser water. With his cock in her mouth, he said, "Drink water every day; look at what it can do for you!" "You have to stay hydrated," Phoenix added. Back to live action, Phoenix said the following things within ten minutes, which I think are very important things to say to people. "You like my big fat ass?" "You like my tiny pink asshole?" "Fuck that second cunt." "Make my ass come."
Even though there was anal going on and the couches were slipcovered for the inevitability of what the Etruscans call "Ass-water," I found myself tentative about setting down my Red Bull on any of the immaculate surfaces. This was the first time Marti and Phoenix worked together and (I hate to use this word but I have to be sincere once in a while) they had real chemistry. It was like me and Iphigenia Squirtz, except our house isn't as nice. ¶ Friday, April 29, 2005 
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